Hair Wars

Before I came to faith in Christ, or to be more precise, before I was brought by God’s grace to faith in Christ, I was not too particular about keeping rules, especially if the rule in question made no sense to me. Our high school had a rule that the hair on the back of a male student’s head should not reach beyond the top of the collar of his shirt.  (Back in the twentieth century, we were not given the option of choosing our gender. It was assigned to us before birth.) As you can guess, the hair on the collar rule was one I resisted.

When my hair began to extend over my collar (as it inevitably did, and still tends to do, albeit in smaller quantities) I was summoned to Principal Henley’s office. A fly on the wall of that office would have heard-------unintelligible noises coming from the giants in the room.

But suppose that fly had been trained to distinguish and comprehend human speech, and suppose it could recall it word for word decades later?  You’re right---it’s a huge stretch.  Why don’t we just forget about the fly?  How about this: Suppose Principal Henley kept a tape recorder in his office, and suppose the sound on the recording was still audible today.  Perhaps we would hear:

PH: "Please take a seat, Young Man. Do you know why you’re here, Mr. Sukhia?"

Me:"I have a general idea."

PH: "Enlighten me."

Me: "Well according to Mr. Todd and the Science Department, I’m here as a result of something my parents did in the privacy of their own home 16 years ago now."

PH: "Do you know why you’re in my office?" 

Me: "I was in French Class and a student aide came…"

PH: (rather loudly interrupting) "You are here because you need a haircut."

Me: "Why do I need a haircut?"

PH: "Your hair is too long."

Me: "I don’t think it’s too long."

PH: "That has nothing to do with it."

Me: "How can that be? It’s my hair…Wait---look at that fly." 

PH: "What about it?"

Me: "I think it may be listening to us."

AN INTERCOM INTERRUPTION can be heard here on the tape: “Walter Bistline, please report to the office at the beginning of Fifth Period to receive another award for something.”

PH: Mr. Sukhia, have you read the Lyman Student Handbook?

Me: "Of course.  I read it every night before bed."

PH: "You think you’re funny, don’t you?  We had guys like you in my unit in Korea. They thought they were funny. They’re dead now."

Me:  "Are you really saying that or is this just my mind playing tricks on me fifty years from now?"

PH:  "What?  Let’s stay on the subject.  You won’t be around fifty years from now if you don’t learn to obey rules."

Me:  "I just think that hair rule is dumb.  What difference does it make if my hair is touching my collar?  It doesn’t affect my schoolwork." (Or maybe I mistakenly said, 'It doesn’t effect my schoolwork.'  I’m not sure now. As I write this, my hair is touching my collar and I can’t concentrate.)  I continued my argument, "Look at the Beatles. Their hair is way over their collars, and they’re doing just fine."

PH:  "We’re not talking about beetles, Mr. Sukhia.  We’re talking about people, and people have rules."

Me:  "Did you say beetles? It sounded like you said beetles. [then addressing the fly] “Is that what you heard?  I thought so.”  "No, Mr. Henley, not beetles, Beatles---John, Paul, George and Ringo---the biggest recording group of all time.  Surely you know about the Beatles!  What year did you say this was?" 

PH: "I don’t think I said."

Me: "Well it has to be between ‘65 and ‘68, because that’s when I was at Lyman, and by early ‘64, everybody knew about the Beatles, even high school principals with crew cuts."

PH:  "What do you mean, 'When I was at Lyman?' You are at Lyman. You’re sitting in the principal’s office.  Are you high on something?  I’m not going to argue with you, Mr. Sukhia.  You’ll be in afternoon detention every day until your hair is cut.  

Me: "That’s not fair!"

PH:  "Of course I could always suspend you, if that’s what you prefer."  

Me:  "Suspend me for what?"

PH:  "Let’s see---for hallucinating fly conversations----for not knowing what year this is----for general insubordination?  And if I suspend you, that will go on your permanent record."

Me:  "Oh come on, that permanent record business is just a way to keep us in line, right?  It’s not as if there’s a Bureau of Students’ Permanent Records in DC."  [indistinct buzzing] “What’s that?” [more indistinct buzzing]  "My mistake; the fly says he’s seen the building.  All right, I’ll cut my hair tonight.  But I do so under protest, and I want that protest noted on my permanent record."

I now know that it’s entirely appropriate for a school to have rules, and those enrolled should understand that those rules should be obeyed, even those with which they may disagree. The exception is when the rules of men violate the laws of God.  Then our choice is clear. The biblical basis for obedience to authorities is that all authority is established by God---a doctrine most fully developed by the Apostle Paul in his letter to the Romans, chapter 13.

The Apostle Peter said “…submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake…” (1 Peter 2:13).  See the story, Ica-Russ Falls for more on that topic. 

There are authorities in the family, in civil society, and in the church. 

But there is a danger when the rules established by man are presented as if they are rules established by God.

I met a young pastor at a Ministers’ Conference.  He said he had recently been called to a church that required each member, upon joining, to pledge to drink no alcohol.  He brought to the attention of the church leadership the fact that the Lord does not forbid drinking alcohol, but teaches us moderation, and warns us against drunkenness. 

“Who has woe?  Who has sorrow?  Who has contentions?  Who has complaints?  Who has wounds without cause?  Who has redness of eyes?  Those who linger long at the wine….At the last it bites like a serpent and stings like a viper.” [Proverbs 23]

By requiring new members to promise to drink no fermented beverage, the church was doing the sort of thing for which Jesus rebuked the scribes and Pharisees, religious leaders of Israel:

“Hypocrites!  Well did Isaiah prophesy about you, saying: ‘These people draw near to me with their mouth, and honor me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.  And in vain they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’” (Matthew 15:7-9)

There are valid reasons why a man or woman might choose to abstain from the use of alcohol.  But by requiring abstinence, the church elevated a commandment of men into a doctrine. In effect, they taught their congregation and community that abstinence was God’s will for us, clearly implying that drinking a glass of wine or a beer was an act of sinful disobedience. The potential member might well reason, “The church must believe drinking any alcohol is sinful, or they would not withhold membership from those who do it.”

Each member who took that pledge was binding himself to a commandment of man, and if he later violated it, he was needlessly wounding his weak conscience.

The pastor told me that his attempt to remove the pledge from the membership vows was met with a good deal of resistance.  One member admitted that he and his wife did not keep the pledge, but they were still opposed to its removal!  This is the sort of thing that drives pastors mad, and leaves them in their old age reminiscing about conversing with flies.

If you find yourself in a church that elevates the commandments of men to the level of the commandments of God, I recommend you proceed to the nearest exit---quickly, before your presence there is noted on your permanent record.

PS.  You can introduce others to these stories of humor and biblical truth by sharing them on social media.  If you see a familiar icon below, you just have to click on it.  If you can't see it, your hair may be in contact with your shirt collar.