Producing Christianettes

Thank you for your recent visit to LifeJoy Church. We trust you experienced true life joy during your 43-45 minutes with us. To help us increase your joy on your next visit, please answer the following brief questions:



Which celebration of joy did you attend? 

Saturday 6PM CWCC (Couples with Children Celebration)

Saturday 7PM CDNC (Couples Date Night Celebration)
Saturday 9PM KSFC (Keep Sunday Free Celebration)
Sunday 8AM K2SLC (Kids to Soccer Later Celebration)
Sunday 10 AM TOTS (Traditional Old Tither Service)

Were you warmly greeted at the door and immediately directed to the coffee bar?

Was your coffee prepared as requested and was your barista friendly and efficient?

Once inside the celebration venue, did you find your seat comfortable and your view of the stage unobstructed? 

Please rate the Praise Band (unless you attended the Old Tither Service).

a) loud
b) super loud
c) rattling heaven's gates loud

If you attended the Old Tither Service, please rate the choir.

a) uplifting
b) melodious
c) sleep-inducing

Baby Burger Blues

It's getting so that you can't even buy a burger without being asked to comment on the experience. For example, this survey appeared on my laptop this week:

Thank you for your recent visit to Baby Burger, America's first and best choice for pre-chewed burgers®  By answering a few brief questions, you can help us continue to be the leader in introducing infants to America's favorite food, and in allowing senior citizens to enjoy burgers thru their golden years.

Did you choose Baby Burger primarily for:                                                                                                 your baby, grandchild or great grandchild?                                                                                                 your parent, grandparent or great grandparent?                                                                                          a toothless infant or senior unrelated to you?                                                                                              yourself or your significant senior other?

Did your order include:                                                                                                                                 a burger in a bowl?                                                                                                                                                a burger in a bottle?                                                                                                                                            strained fries?                                                                                                                                                      mashed Alaskan cod?                                                                                                                          

Was your baby burger order pre-chewed to your baby's (or senior's) preferred consistency? _______

If our Baby Burger character Gerber Burger was in the restaurant handing out balloon burgers, did your infant or senior guest find him:                                                                                             delightful?                                                                                                                                                           a bit creepy?                                                                                                                                                      terrifying?

Not long after I dutifully responded, I received this message:

Thank you for providing feedback on your recent visit to Baby Burger, baby's first choice for pre-chewed burgers.

We know your time is valuable, and we are grateful that you took the time to complete our questionnaire. 

Please help us evaluate our questionnaire by answering these few brief questions:

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the worst questionnaire you have ever completed, and 10 being the best, please rate Baby Burger's questionnaire. _____