My watch battery died. Now I have to advance the minute hand manually. It pretty much takes up my whole day. This has given me a greater appreciation for people in the old days, before there were time-savers like batteries. It’s no wonder it took them forever to get anything done, like, inventing batteries. For example, it has taken me twenty-two minutes just to write the above, taking a break every fifty-five seconds to advance my watch. Of course moving the minute hand only takes about five seconds. The time-consuming part is counting “one Mississippi,” “two Mississippi,” etc., until I get to “fifty-five Mississippi,” over and over again. (The only thing worse might be typing “one Mississippi,” “two Mississippi,” etc. By the way, I don’t know that I’ve ever been to Mississippi, but the scuttlebutt seems to be, one Mississippi is more than enough, and fifty-five Mississippies would be way too many---But this is getting us off track, or it would be if we had some sort of track, and if we were on it.)
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Living next door to a funeral home tends to remind one of his mortality. So it’s going to be embarrassing if, after over nine years of such reminders, I kick the proverbial bucket without clarifying some things regarding my departure. First, as I’ve mentioned to my lovely wife Darla numerous times, and in my previous article, Between the Quick and the Dead, I don’t want to be exhibited, as if I were a science project, or a blue fin tuna. My body never looked especially good when I was alive; I have no reason to think it will look better when I’m dead. Why would I want my friends and family gawking at my carcass? I never gawked at theirs. Who came up with the open casket idea anyway? How much do you want to bet it was a self-satisfied embalmer? If one of you Wry Bread readers should happen to find me displayed in such a manner, I hope you will have the decency to close the box, or at least flip me over. If people must gawk at me, I’d rather they do it behind my back.