tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37219784187304751832024-03-14T16:06:05.575-04:00Little LoavesGod’s Word, bite-sizedLiberty Church PCAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07705837276392864543noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-34760444436981736592022-12-24T10:05:00.001-05:002022-12-24T10:05:24.291-05:00A BYPASS in DEFENSE of the FREE WORLD<div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjesRu7w5FI6-FcrN88djdpgQXsQvvksQwyNP675Q5fPC09HTopl3HvTX9PSKZI3b8rR-rFrbUu1rWae0pHBaSa8eMmp4eJ_xyrjvkue7Vn1_lgoHezs6Y5mseNlEVVgorp_92qxhp_KhwY_HbumvtGhJDU2gGDlIcuhrPLmTS20tmc4evbHwVP9d5Z/s612/surgeons.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="344" data-original-width="612" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjesRu7w5FI6-FcrN88djdpgQXsQvvksQwyNP675Q5fPC09HTopl3HvTX9PSKZI3b8rR-rFrbUu1rWae0pHBaSa8eMmp4eJ_xyrjvkue7Vn1_lgoHezs6Y5mseNlEVVgorp_92qxhp_KhwY_HbumvtGhJDU2gGDlIcuhrPLmTS20tmc4evbHwVP9d5Z/w199-h112/surgeons.jpg" width="199" /></a></div>Knowing that many of my friends and family had not yet experienced Open-Heart Surgery, I recently submitted to the procedure, intending to carefully document each step, so they might have some idea of what to expect. Does this make me some sort of trailblazing hero? That's for others to decide------but probably so----yes, I guess it does.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">If you haven't yet read the story, "My Rude Awakening," you should do that first, as this story is what we in the publishing world like to call a "sequel" to that one. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"Can you say, 'se-quel,' Pretty Boy?" </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">But for those of you too lazy to find and read that story (most of you, I suspect) here's the gist of it: </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">My family history of heart disease, high cholesterol and intolerance for statins led my Cardiologist to recommend a Nuclear Stress Test. This is a procedure in which lab technicians affix numerous electrical leads to the chest of some unfortunate chap whose coronary arteries may be clogged, requiring him to run on a treadmill until either his heartbeat reaches a predetermined target, or he expires, whichever comes first. As you may have surmised, my test was not fatal, but not for any lack of zeal on the part of the lab-techs. Frustrated that my heartbeat wasn't hitting their target, they cranked the treadmill from the "Alpine" to the "Himalayan" setting, and I managed to gasp out this question with what I thought might be my final breaths,</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"How...many...patients...do you...lose on...this machine?" </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">One of the techs answered, "About 25%."</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"This is disconcerting," I thought, as I approached unconsciousness, "one in four Stress Test participants don't survive. This would have been helpful information to receive before I agreed to the test." (Yes, I often enclose my thoughts in quotation marks, if it's any of your business).</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">Later, when I questioned that death rate, which seemed a bit high, the tech explained that she meant that about 25% of their patients halt the test before completing it. This clarification provided a humorous moment for all those in the office who were not the patient.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">The reason it's called a "nuclear" stress test is that some radioactive material is injected in the patient's chest during the procedure. I would have asked what percentage of radiated patients develop super- powers, but I had lost confidence in the lab techs' understanding of percentages.<span><a name='more'></a></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">My Cardiologist called me during "Jeopardy" that evening to tell me I was in jeopardy. (I would have preferred if he had called during "Wheel of Fortune" to tell me I was fortunate.) He wanted to follow up with a heart Catheterization. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"Yes, that's a big word, Tommy. Can you count the syllables? Did you count five? WRONG! There are six! But supercalifragilisticexpialidoc<wbr></wbr>ious has fourteen! How many more syllables is that? Run along and work on that and come back when you have the answer." </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">One fun thing about the word catheterization (alright, maybe the only fun thing) is that you can drop 5 syllables and still have a perfectly serviceable word. A Heart Cath is a procedure in which the physician weaves a route to the heart through a handy artery (endeavoring not to pierce the artery in the process, which would be messy). He then injects a dye to give him a clear view of the heart in action. My Cath revealed a severe blockage (70-90%) in each of the three major arteries providing blood to the heart. Oftentimes the surgeon performing the Heart Cath will attempt to open and stent a blocked artery, but in my case, I was told, bypass surgery was the preferred treatment.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">The hospital was running an end of the year special: four bypasses for the price of three. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"We'll find a minor branch to bypass while we're in there. Your recovery time will be the same." Plus, they noted, you get to call it a "quadruple" bypass, which sounds more impressive than "triple."</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"Schedule it today and you'll also receive a bright red heart-shaped pillow to cushion your fall during your next heart attack." This deal sounded good, and I wasn't in the mood to shop around.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">Let's fast-forward to the date of the bypass. Donna and I were told to arrive at the hospital at 6 AM for the 8 AM surgery. The extra time was evidently to give every staff member the opportunity to ask me my name and date of birth, and then to compare my response to what was typed on my wristband. I assume that if anyone caught me flubbing my answer, he or she would have received a bonus, and I would have been booted from the Cardiac floor, which is apparently reserved for people who always know their name and date of birth. I don't know the exact number of patients who slip into Cardiac Units every year and receive Bypass Surgery intended for someone else, but it must be considerable.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">Having passed the rigorous questioning, I was given an anesthetic which made it virtually impossible for me to document the surgery itself. Oblivious to what was taking place in the surgical theater over the next several hours, the theater <i>of my mind</i> was quite active. While the cardiac team, I understand, was slicing and dicing me, removing a vein from here, sawing through a sternum there, running my blood through a heart/lung machine so my heart wasn't in constant motion as they tried to splice veins into it, etc., I was doing battle with terrorists who were torturing me for information. My drug-addled brain was fighting for the Free World, truth, justice, baseball, apple pie and Twinkies. The terrorists were trying to get me to name names, but I wasn't talking. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">In the next instant, I knew why. I was in the recovery unit, with a breathing tube in my trachea. I could not have given the terrorists any information if I had wanted to. The only sound I could make was a gurgling noise. I've never been water-boarded, but intubation must be rated very close to it at the lower end of the Fun Scale. A wall clock indicated 2:30, but I didn't know if that was AM or PM, and I didn't know what day it was. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"Of course, it was the afternoon of the day of your surgery, Rusty."</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"Yes, I know that <i>now</i>, Pretty Boy. Didn't I assign you a math question?"</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">I pointed to my neck, the universal sign for, "I'm choking, and I can't talk." I pointed to my wrist, the sign for, "I see it's 2:30 but <i>what day</i>?" The people bustling around the room did not seem alarmed by my gurgling, and they didn't seem to know any sign language. A woman I had never met told me that she hoped to remove my breathing tube in a half hour, but the hours dragged by, and it was about 10 PM when she was able to follow through. She explained to Donna that worse than the "sensation" of respiratory failure is the real thing, so they had to determine that I was ready to breathe on my own. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">After a few days in ICU and a few more in a private room where I received excellent care from nurses, each of whom seemed to have a different name, I'm now at home, shuffling around the house and itching to challenge a one-year-old to a race.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">My advice to family and friends is <i>first</i>, remember that that extra slice of pie may come with a side of heart disease, and <i>second,</i> when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you <i>sit it out</i>. People in your condition shouldn't be dancing.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">It's truly amazing that surgeons can bypass blockages, replace heart valves, and even transplant hearts. As one of the techs said to me as he looked at my heart with an ultrasound machine, if someone from a few centuries ago saw what he was doing, he'd assume that he was from another planet. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">If physicians, who <i>did not design </i>the human body, can bypass heart blockages to extend a human life, can we not believe that our Creator, who <i>did</i> <i>design the human body, can </i>bypass the Reproductive Process to extend an offer of life to all mankind? </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"...The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you; therefore, also, that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God." (Luke 1:35)</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">The Incarnation is truly a wonder; but when you think about it, so is everything else about this world that the Lord has loaned us. You and I should be walking through it with our mouths gaping open in amazement. That will also keep us ready should someone come along with a Twinkie. (Old habits die hard-----not unlike old Twinkie eaters).</div>Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-64551360163858300442022-12-03T13:16:00.008-05:002022-12-08T13:34:29.169-05:00My Rude Awakening<div dir="auto"><div dir="auto"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihFq31tHpIwaPHSj7QtZpaRqxkJVlBd2x72KKd8VXOUvrcbcBV2yymujq9HInC_gp4ZlgVzYgZ86713-v291KvJfRbzx_e2j39gQUhvZSa8EWBkk5l5VFOAvbK5ULk3szXy5MzRMql1Ti6a8cb3mvdzJ5Wz6mVyPotMr55ndF1FwQUGr0z9Feup8Da/s258/sloth2.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="258" data-original-width="196" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihFq31tHpIwaPHSj7QtZpaRqxkJVlBd2x72KKd8VXOUvrcbcBV2yymujq9HInC_gp4ZlgVzYgZ86713-v291KvJfRbzx_e2j39gQUhvZSa8EWBkk5l5VFOAvbK5ULk3szXy5MzRMql1Ti6a8cb3mvdzJ5Wz6mVyPotMr55ndF1FwQUGr0z9Feup8Da/w162-h214/sloth2.jpg" width="162" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Last Tuesday I was waking from a semi-conscious state after a heart cath. I expected to wake to my Cardiologist's words, "Everything looks fine," or, "You had some minor clogging; but the stents I put in should do the trick; go home and eat more pie." But he was off script. "You have three major blockages, each at 70-80%. Imagine ten lanes of busy traffic trying to squeeze into two or three."</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></div></div><div dir="auto"><div dir="auto"><div dir="auto"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"I don't have to imagine it. I just drove through Atlanta."</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"One of those blockages is in the Left Anterior Descending Artery, commonly known as the Widow Maker."</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">I didn't like the sound of that. The rural church I serve part-time already has several widows who need pastoral care. The last thing I wanted was to add another widow to the list and increase my workload, especially when I had just been informed that I have a heart condition. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">Then I heard the doctor use the words "bypass surgery." That's a relief, I thought, he's recommending that we <i>bypass surgery</i>; sounds good to me. I bet he's going to explain that the wizards of modern medicine have found a better way to fix my heart than by carving me like a turkey. Maybe now they can do it with lasers, or a Zoom call. I imagined him saying:</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"Thankfully, you made it into the 21st Century, when the barbaric method of extracting veins from your legs, sawing through your chest and splicing those veins into your arteries is a thing of the past." <span><br /></span><span><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">But evidently the wizards have been preoccupied with other matters, like fighting worldwide pandemics, or helping that Potter fellow defeat Voldemort, because what he actually said was,</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"You need to schedule bypass surgery."</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"Rats! No stents then?"</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"Your blockages are too severe."</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"You idiot," I said to myself, "you should have skipped the dessert bar at Golden Corral." </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"But desserts are included in the price," I responded. "Only a fool would pay for dessert and not eat it. Would you rather be an idiot or a fool?"</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"Are those my only two options?"<span><a name='more'></a></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">The doctor cleared his throat. "If you're through arguing with yourself, do you have any questions for me, I have another patient to see."</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">"Sorry, I was under the impression that I was just <i>thinking</i> that."</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">This just in from Tommy Humphrey, "I'd stick with idiot, Rusty."</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">"Is that any way to speak to a man in my condition, Pretty Boy?"</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">Today, four days after my rude awakening (which was both literal and figurative) I am awaiting my appointment with Surgeon Bypass, scheduled for a few days from now. I suppose he'll check his calendar and try to squeeze me in over the next few weeks, preferably before an eighteen-wheeler loaded with Twinkies jackknifes and blocks the last open lanes on Widow Maker Parkway. <br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">In the meantime, I feel like a character in a spy thriller who's had a device inserted in his chest that could explode at any time. The difference is, the spy is continuing to jump out of planes and climb skyscrapers to prevent a nuclear holocaust, while I'm at home wondering, "Should I sleep on my side to avoid too much pressure on my heart?"</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">The heart news wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I have many reasons to be thankful:</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">I'm thankful for my new Primary Care Physician, who doesn't seem as cavalier about my lifespan as the last one (now retired). Because of my high cholesterol and family history of heart disease, she insisted that I see a Cardiologist.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">I'm thankful that I didn't have a heart attack while biking, which I try to do for five or six hours each week (bike, not have a heart attack), or while taking the recent nuclear stress test, when, to get my heart rate high enough, the lab tech cranked up the incline of the treadmill to the "running up a mountain" setting. Vince Gill may be interested to hear that I came very close to resting high up on that mountain.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">And I'm thankful for my wonderful wife, who seems determined to do everything possible to make my remaining days pleasant ones.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">The Apostle Peter had a rude awakening of his own. After Christ's resurrection, he and the other apostles had been declaring throughout Palestine that Jesus was the promised Messiah, that they knew him to be alive because they had interacted with him after he had risen from the dead, and that salvation was freely offered to all who would repent of their sins and embrace him as Lord and Savior. This message angered the religious hierarchy, who were instrumental in having Jesus crucified.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">Herod Agrippa, a descendant of Herod the baby-killer (Matthew 2) had executed Peter's friend and fellow-apostle James, the brother of John, author of the Gospel of John. When Herod saw that killing James pleased the religious leaders, he decided to further please them by killing Peter. The night before he was to be executed, Peter was guarded by four squads of soldiers, and bound with chains between two of them. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;">But as believers were fervently praying for his deliverance, the Lord sent an angel to free him. The angel found Peter sleeping, evidently soundly, because he had to strike him on the side to wake him. The whole fascinating account can be found in Acts chapter 12.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.96px;">If Peter could sleep soundly on the night before his scheduled execution, evidently trusting in the Lord's providential control, and knowing that, as the Apostle Paul put it, The Lord </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.96px;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.96px;">"...has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, <i>and</i> <i>has determined their pre-appointed times</i> and the boundaries of their habitations. (Acts 17:26)</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.96px;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.96px;">Then you and I, if we're believers in Christ, should be able to trust God's providence and sleep soundly, whether we're anticipating bypass surgery or the wreck of a semi full of Twinkies on Widow Maker Parkway.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.96px;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.96px;">UPDATE: Rusty and the Mrs. met with Dr. Bypass on December 7, a day that was already living in infamy. He agreed with my Cardiologist that each of the three arteries supplying my heart has a major traffic jam. He estimated one to be 90% blocked and the other two 70-80%. He seemed surprised that I was still alive, but he checked my pulse and confirmed it. He was going to have to schedule my surgery for late in the month, but he had just been informed of a cancellation on December 12, so I scooped up the date. <span style="text-indent: 0.96px;">If that device in my chest doesn't explode before next Monday, the surgeon thinks my prognosis is good. </span><span style="text-indent: 0.96px;">I'm grateful for the prayers and expressions of love and concern from family and friends.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.96px;"><br /></div></div></div></div></div></div>Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-53153117596680109402022-11-25T16:42:00.005-05:002022-11-28T12:04:11.470-05:00When Blizzards Were Blizzards<p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBqUY8W49S17IeD63eARB9ym1meqgd6-R8jwzlN1DnirB7o4uZgrKIPbgjp2hu8wo5hDYm_0mIgglVuPD09ZZ_D1Z0kewP99dx2T00za1UrjkufwUsvgkUZ5Qm8Gs8I9GObIr661HoM55phvgJAheVOYYC3nvzmZj1GFFAqfRjoKZDK6oqYNj5mFAy/s251/blizzard.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="201" data-original-width="251" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBqUY8W49S17IeD63eARB9ym1meqgd6-R8jwzlN1DnirB7o4uZgrKIPbgjp2hu8wo5hDYm_0mIgglVuPD09ZZ_D1Z0kewP99dx2T00za1UrjkufwUsvgkUZ5Qm8Gs8I9GObIr661HoM55phvgJAheVOYYC3nvzmZj1GFFAqfRjoKZDK6oqYNj5mFAy/s1600/blizzard.jpg" width="251" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">My
brother Doug and his wife Nancy recently endured a Buffalo snowfall with
accumulations recorded between five and seven feet----but <i>enough about</i> <i>them</i>. <i>Their
storm</i> can’t be compared to the one Donna and I survived when we lived
there, <i>the historic Western New York
Blizzard of ‘77.</i> In those days, before
the environmentalists got their hands on our atmosphere, America was cranking
out pollutants to beat the band, and Buffalo was <i>a major band beater</i>. The
weather pattern then was as follows: In Buffalo’s
summer, which usually fell sometime between the first and fifteenth of August,
industrial waste would block the sun’s rays and help to hasten the season we
were famous for, <i>winter</i>. In winter, moisture from Lake Erie would condense
around the various toxins in the clouds, and the result would be the descent of
huge, semi-metallic snowflakes, and lots of them. </div><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yes,
other cities received occasional snow pollution; my brother Kenny, who as a
child in Baltimore would catch snowflakes on his tongue, still has tongue shrapnel,
which along with his suspicious-sounding last name, makes it tough for him to
get through airport security. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
Buffalo snow was renowned for its high metallic content.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the mountains of snow eventually melted,
almost always before the Fourth of July, our kids would earn spending money raking
up the metal fragments in the yard and selling them back to one of the local
steel plants. The air pollution wasn’t especially
good for our lungs, but in those days, you must remember, lungs were toughened
by the second-hand smoke everyone inhaled in public places.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let
the record show that the recent snow in Buffalo was comprised entirely of
young, flighty <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">November flakes</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By contrast, the Blizzard of ‘77 used only mature,
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">January snow</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In Buffalo, January flakes are ripe and plump,
and they hit like mini-snowballs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
flakes in that blizzard were especially fat; every time three of them landed on
each other they formed a snowman. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Donna
and I were in Northeast Philly visiting our friends, Wayne and Phyllis Clapier (to protect their privacy, let's call them Lane and Willis St. Clair) when we heard a forecast of heavy snow for western New York, which didn’t alarm
us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If at that point they had called it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the historic blizzard of ‘77</i> we might
have been more concerned, but no one got around to naming it until later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s also true that at the time I didn’t put much
stock in meteorologists’ forecasts because I thought, “What qualifies someone who
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">studies meteors</i> to make predictions
about the weather?” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has since been
explained to me that meteorologists focus not on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">meteors</i>, but on meteor<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ites, </i>and
anything that plunges into our atmosphere must have some effect on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I stand corrected.<span></span></span></p><a name='more'></a><o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">We encountered
the storm on our return trip.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Huge
snowballs were pounding our windshield, and somewhere along the stretch of I-90
between Syracuse and Buffalo the road conditions grew hazardous, even by
western New York standards.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">The snow was
falling so fast that plows couldn’t keep up with it, vehicles were being
stranded, and polar bears were carrying away the unfortunate occupants.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">There was some concern expressed from the
young mother in the passenger seat about the wisdom of proceeding.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">She pointed out that our son Nathan, almost
two, and our daughter Grace, about five months old, were in the back seat,
covered with frost, the way the polar bears prefer their dessert.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
the driver was undaunted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He shook his
fist at the storm, cursing the great white beast, and vowing to pursue it to
the ends of the earth to avenge the loss of his leg.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He would have used a direct quote from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Moby Dick </i>if he had the sort of memory
that could do such things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His wife
reminded him that he still had his full quota of legs, and if he had read to
the end of the book, he would know that things didn’t end well for Captain Ahab
and his crew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The good news for the
passengers of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this vessel</i> was that
soon the New York Thruway was closed, and Ahab was forced to bring the little Toyota
Pequod to the nearest port.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thankfully,
we found a motel with a vacancy, where we spent the next several hours regaining
circulation in our extremities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span style="text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">After
an enjoyable day or two in a single room with an infant and a toddler, the snow was still </span><span style="font-size: 14.6667px;">falling,</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> and the thruway still closed.</span></span></span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">
</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">This was problematic, because we didn’t have enough money with us to pay
for another night. </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">For the benefit of our
young readers, let me explain:</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">In those
days, we didn’t use </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">plastic cards* </i><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">for
money, we used </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">paper money</i><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">, and
sometimes we would run out of it.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Even
though it was just made of paper, it was backed by real gold that was stored in
a big fort called Knox, in Kentucky.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">This
seemed to work out fine until one year a creepy man with a gold finger snuck
into the fort with his band of thugs.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">
</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">The man with the gold finger didn’t </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">steal</i><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">
the gold; he </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">contaminated</i><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> it so we
couldn’t use it. </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">You may be interested
to hear, boys and girls, that he had a big Asian bodyguard with a magic metal Frisbee
hat called a </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">derby</i><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Can you say </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">derby?</i><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Now that America’s gold
is contaminated, we use plastic money, and we never pay any attention to Kentucky
unless there’s a horse race, which, oddly enough, is </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">also called a derby.</i><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">
</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Apparently, even though he helped ruin our gold, the people in Kentucky
named their horse race after the magic metal Frisbee hat worn by the bodyguard
of the man with the gold finger.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">And
boys and girls, there is one other odd thing about what happened to our gold.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">The bodyguard who wore the magic hat had a
very odd name.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Can you guess the odd </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">first name</i><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> of the bodyguard? </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Did you guess Rumplestiltskin?</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">That was a good guess; but no, the first
name of the bodyguard with the magic hat was </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Odd</i><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">, and you’ll have to agree, no name could be as odd as </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Odd.</i><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">
</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">If you’re wondering, his last name was </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Job</i><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">, like when you have to take out the trash or do the dishes or
contaminate America’s gold reserves.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Now
please hand this story back to your mom or dad and go find some odd job to do.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">What
do you mean they’re no longer interested?</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">
</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Go back and tell them that I remember
now what my point as.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">We were out of
money, so we would have to leave the motel, but we still couldn’t get home.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px;">So,</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> I opened the </span></span></span><span style="text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">telephone directory (which was
a big paper book full of names and addresses and phone numbers) and I found the
name and number of a local pastor.</span></span></span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">I explained that
we had been stranded by the snowstorm, and I asked if maybe there was a widow
in his church who would let us stay there until things cleared up, in exchange
for some shoveling. </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">This is where the
story gets interesting.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Well, not yet,
but maybe soon.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">The pastor I spoke to, a
Baptist fellow, invited us to wait out the storm at </span><i style="font-family: Calibri, "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">his</i><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> house.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;">Apparently, none
of the widows in his church had survived the blizzard.</span><span face="Calibri, "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
problem was getting there. The snow was so deep at the door that we had to use
the window.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I volunteered to go first,
but I wasn’t expecting the pack of arctic wolves that attacked me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to run, but the deep snow made it
impossible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One or two of them grabbed
me by my boots and dragged me to their lair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I remember thinking, when I saw that the destination was their lair, it
would have been more poetic if they had dragged me <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">by my hair.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The head wolf, a
fellow they called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alfa</i>, which I
assumed was short for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alfalfa</i>, explained
that it was nothing personal, but they were going to have to dine on me, as
they hadn’t had anything to eat in a while, and they had lots of mouths to
feed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to reason with him, as he
seemed a reasonable chap, but they already had a big fire going and he ordered
his minions to place me on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Thankfully, just as they did, I awoke in the bed in our motel room in
the middle of the night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then it all
became clear to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There must have been
a wizard in the wolf lair, perhaps disguised as a member of the pack, and in
all of the commotion he had whisked me out of there and back to safety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">"You may want to wrap up your tall tale while you still have one or two readers, Rusty."</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Thank you, Pretty Boy Humphrey. As a matter of fact, I was just reaching for the wrapping paper.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Somehow,
we got to the pastor’s home, and he and his family were gracious hosts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a few days, we were able to resume our
journey, and proceed to the general location where we thought we had left our
house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, I don’t want to hear
any whining from Doug about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">modern
blizzards</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, I haven’t heard any
whining <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">yet</i>, but I write this as a
preventative measure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I think of snow, there’s a
wonderful verse of Scripture that comes to mind:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Come now, and let us reason together,
says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow;
though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">(Isaiah
1:18)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The prophet Isaiah was addressing the
people of Judah who had turned away from the worship of the Creator, and had
descended into idolatry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their sins were
blatant---they couldn’t be missed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
were bright red, like scarlet---like crimson.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But God was offering a way of forgiveness and restoration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they would repent, their sins would be
covered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their sins would become as
white as snow, as pure and clean as wool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What
God said to Judah, through His prophet Isaiah, is true for each of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As horrendous as our sins may be---as blatant
and as evident to others, or just to us and to the Lord, the sacrifice provided
by “…the lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world…” </span><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">(John 1:29)</span><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">, is sufficient
to cover them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is the one
foreshadowed in the Passover, the innocent, spotless Lamb of God slain for the
sins of others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you cried out to the
Lord, confessing your sin and embracing the Savior He has provided?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you said, “God forgive my selfishness,
my pride, my lust, my anger, my hatred, my rebellion, my discontentment,
disobedience, ungratefulness, idolatry,” or whatever particular sins may be
known only to you and God?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Have you said, and meant in your
deepest being, something like this,</span><i><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: justify;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I know I have sinned against you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forgive me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I believe that Jesus lived a sinless life, and then went to the cross as
my substitute.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe that he rose
again, and lives today, and I trust him when He says, “…he who believes in me
has everlasting life.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">(John 6:47)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If so, then you may be sure that your
sins are covered, just as those of the thief on the cross, to whom Jesus said, on
the declaration of the man’s simple faith, “Assuredly I say to you, today you
will be with me in paradise.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">(Luke 23:43)</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The snow that falls from heaven and
covers our sins has no pollutants, and the depth of it can never be measured. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can’t be purchased with plastic, or with
all the gold in Ft. Knox.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“…you were not redeemed with
corruptible things, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by
tradition from your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a
lamb without blemish and without spot.” </span><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">(1
Peter 1:18-19)</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">*<span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Back before the war, as I recall, my
old friend Sam <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hee Haw</i> Wainwright
offered me a chance to get in on the ground floor of plastics, but I was so
tied down by the old <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bailey Building and
Loan</i> that I had to pass on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span face=""Calibri","sans-serif"" style="font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Confused children seeking more information about the man with the gold finger may consult the film, "Goldfinger," which, however, got some details wrong. Notably, in the film, America's gold reserves were somehow saved by a British Secret Agent----highly unlikely.</span></span></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p></p>Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-13024862183456604102022-07-24T16:35:00.004-04:002022-07-26T12:14:39.593-04:00History on Wry: Columbus<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1uCA09PYeM9KrlzLqbDacsTIVdcZ2lpFZi8KOuJxafHwNm3fjFMXyvZN_M5zFfBZMLsw3g6cY9kW-eXwu2NYQR1DJDYQ3xgvRcQ-a1WPh8ZhQ4_3hJpWcuVqrHq4SFiRb8rEB-nZUScCDF_CmAbhJ5PYGDjP9IqkXWwjksNDxzZtcZSRQv7dJ8kCB/s247/Columbus.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" data-original-height="247" data-original-width="204" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1uCA09PYeM9KrlzLqbDacsTIVdcZ2lpFZi8KOuJxafHwNm3fjFMXyvZN_M5zFfBZMLsw3g6cY9kW-eXwu2NYQR1DJDYQ3xgvRcQ-a1WPh8ZhQ4_3hJpWcuVqrHq4SFiRb8rEB-nZUScCDF_CmAbhJ5PYGDjP9IqkXWwjksNDxzZtcZSRQv7dJ8kCB/s1600/Columbus.jpg" width="204" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">Admiral Columbus, it’s a great honor to speak with you. </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">As most of our readers know, on Earth you
were a 15</span><sup>th</sup><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> century explorer hoping to find a westward route from
Europe to the Orient; but instead, you landed in what we now know as the
western hemisphere. Although you were Italian, it was actually the </span><i style="font-size: 14pt;">Spanish</i><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> monarchy that sponsored your
expedition?</span></div></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“Yes, I searched for a sponsor for ten years until the
Spanish king and queen signed on. As
sponsors, they got their name and image on all the bric-a-brac we brought to
trade for spices and gold----<i>Ferdinand
and Isabella</i> coffee mugs, key chains, tee shirts, caps, visors, you name
it. Plus, they were granted exclusive film
rights for the expedition; the contract clause read, ‘…in the event that motion
pictures should be invented soon.’”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">They provided three ships for the journey?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">“Well, my ship, the Santa Maria, was the one we knew to be seaworthy;
we brought the Nina and the Pinta along for parts. Oh, and they carried replacements
for Santa Maria men who fell overboard or died of Scurvy on the trip.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">If I had a </span><i style="font-size: 14pt;">do-over</i><span style="font-size: 14pt;">, I’d bring more oranges and fewer coffee mugs, and maybe
one or two life-preservers.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">How long did your westward journey take?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“About five weeks, which any sane man would think should be
long enough to get to China. Who could
have guessed there’d be a continent or two in the way? You’d think some Viking might have mentioned
it.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">You landed on a Caribbean Island, thinking you had reached
the Orient. How did you determine you weren’t in China?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“Well, the people were dark-skinned, there were no rickshaws,
we couldn’t find a decent Chinese restaurant, and all their music was reggae.”<span></span></span></p><a name='more'></a><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">You spent several weeks exploring the Caribbean?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“Yes, we visited numerous islands, planted a Spanish flag on
each and explained to the natives that they were now the happy subjects of
Ferdinand and Isabella, as pictured on the coffee mugs and tee shirts. They seemed pleased, although we were never sure
what they were saying because their Spanish was atrocious. (I noted in my diary the need for more schools
offering SSL---Spanish as Second Language).
The natives gave us their local products, and we gave them our
bric-a-brac, as well as several European diseases of which they seemed
ignorant.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I understand that when it was time to return to Spain you had
some trouble getting all your crew together? <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“I found about a dozen of them lounging on the beach, drinking
from coconut shells containing what looked like tiny parasols. I remember that
some of the natives appeared to be braiding their hair. When I ordered them back to the ships, one of
them said, ‘Chill out, Cap’n.’ In the end I got most of them back. I only had to shoot three.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“We returned to Ferdinand and Isabella with a ship full of
coconuts, coffee beans and Cuban cigars, along with the exciting news that we
had found a new world! We were anticipating
a parade, a statue or two and maybe a position of honor in the Royal Court. In
fact, I’m embarrassed to admit that in my cabin on the way back I practiced my
parade wave.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">But you were disappointed in the reception you received? <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“Apparently while I was gone Ferdinand and Isabella had fixated
on my promise of gold, silk, precious gems and spices from the Orient. They came to the docks to see their new
treasure unloaded. They were, shall we say, unimpressed. Neither of them smoked cigars; they weren’t
big coffee drinkers, and have you ever tried to open a coconut?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 108.75pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">So, they threw you no parade? <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 108.75pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“I was relieved they didn’t throw me
into their dungeon.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 108.75pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">But surely, they were anxious to hear about
the New World?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 108.75pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“You would think so. But I believe they
were so busy trying to dominate the <i>old</i>
world that they couldn’t get excited about dominating a <i>new</i> one. They were focused
on building a huge army and navy, and they had started that whole <i>Inquisition</i> business. If I had brought
back a boatload of gold to finance their wars, or a few hundred native converts
pledging devotion to <i>Our Lady of the
Perilous Sea, </i>they might have viewed me as parade-worthy.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 108.75pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">What about the common people of
Europe? Weren’t they excited to hear
about the New World?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“All the serfs, slaves and servants I spoke to were unimpressed. One said, ‘So you say the maps of the
scholars were wrong. Will that put shoes on my children’s feet or food in their
stomachs?’ I made another diary entry: ‘Evidently laboring in the fields from sunrise to sunset seven days a
week results in a general pessimism and lack of interest in Geography. Consider proposing eight-hour shifts, five-day
work weeks and paid vacations.’”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve heard that you may be somewhat dissatisfied with your
legacy in modern America. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“Think about it; I discover <i>the whole new world</i>, and all I get is some town in Ohio named after
me? Not New York, not Florida, but
Ohio! It’s not even on the coast!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Well, Columbus <i>is</i>
Ohio’s capital. You also got your own
day. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“Right, DAY. Not week. Not month. By the way, when is it?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Oh, we celebrate it every year.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“I know. What month is
it?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Give me a minute.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“You don’t know what month it is, do you? Do you even know the season?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Well, ah, don’t forget, you have <i>your own poem</i>. All our
schoolchildren know it.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“You mean that ditty about sailing the ocean blue in 1492? It’s hardly Homer’s Iliad, is it? I could kick myself for not naming the
continent <i>Columbus-land</i> or <i>Columbia.
</i>My fellow-Italian<i> </i>Amerigo
Vespucci sails west a few years later and soon everybody’s calling the place ‘America.’ You people <i>should</i> be living in the USC, United States of Columbus.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“It’s a good thing <i>you </i>didn’t
discover it, Rusty. We might be living
in <b><i>Russ</i></b>ia.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I apologize to our readers; evidently Tommy Humphrey has
hacked into my computer again. Fortunately,
I was just about to wrap this up.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Thank you for granting us this brief interview, Admiral Columbus;
we admire your courage and intrepid spirit. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“You are quite welcome. Please, take a coffee mug, and one
for your wife.” <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">That’s very gracious of you. Thank you.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Columbus declared to Europeans that he had found a new
world. He had seen it; though <i>they</i> had not; he had been there and
returned. Some believed him, some didn’t, and many were simply uninterested. But that world was no less real because of their
unbelief or indifference.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">The Lord Jesus declared that he had come to Earth from
another world, to which he would return. He insisted that it is a real place,
where redeemed sinners will join him, although those of us in <i>this world </i>have not seen it, and many
deny its reality. But the world of which Jesus spoke is no less real because of
man’s unbelief or indifference. The night before his crucifixion he said this
to his disciples:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“'In my Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were
not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and
prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to myself; that where
I am, there you may be also. And where I
go you know, and the way you know.’ Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we do not know
where you are going, and how can we know the way?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I am the
way, the truth, and the life, No one comes to the Father except through me.’” (John
14:2-6)<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Those who repent of their sins and rest in the finished work
of Christ, the one who kept the law that they broke and paid the debt that they
owed, may be assured that their sins have been forgiven, they’ve been adopted
into God’s family, and they’re on a ship bound for the New World. They will face some storms. Jesus said, “In the world you will have
tribulation…” (John 16:33) But they can
be certain that they will not be washed overboard, because he also said, “All
that the Father gives me will come to me, and the one who comes to me I will by
no means cast out.” (John 6:37) As the
Apostle Peter put it, we are “…kept by the power of God through faith for
salvation…” (1 Peter 1:5) <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">The best part is, when we reach that other shore, our Savior
will greet us! <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 14pt; text-align: justify;">There may be a parade. You may want to practice your wave.</span> </p>Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-14754574052707086852022-03-02T17:37:00.012-05:002022-03-10T17:25:38.501-05:00Seminary Spaceships<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Arial, "sans-serif"; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgsK4YzqrpGHtXH0kVInYALiuniZDg6dbLiuW5GvWr3d2aLxydqmghEu_RcRnPv8rA4D4JwYcEnfXxeb6kAhrw2eSD-DAlB4B2ojUlKtc-zP5mOgX_Zp67ldeeGSdy3yTbroHp-MoI4k_bgWf2lgLSA7pVRn1B5qwKJmG6Ytwpz5WeZdCd0qV0XY_tS=s612" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="408" data-original-width="612" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgsK4YzqrpGHtXH0kVInYALiuniZDg6dbLiuW5GvWr3d2aLxydqmghEu_RcRnPv8rA4D4JwYcEnfXxeb6kAhrw2eSD-DAlB4B2ojUlKtc-zP5mOgX_Zp67ldeeGSdy3yTbroHp-MoI4k_bgWf2lgLSA7pVRn1B5qwKJmG6Ytwpz5WeZdCd0qV0XY_tS=w213-h147" width="213" /></a></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">If you’ve read </span><i style="font-size: 12pt;">A Jolly
Good Time at the Cemetery</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">, you’ll recall that my brother Doug and I
attended Faith Seminary, near Philadelphia. We were there in the mid-seventies
of what </span><i style="font-size: 12pt;">we called</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><i style="font-size: 12pt;">the Twentieth</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Century (even though every
year that I can recall from that century started with the number </span><i style="font-size: 12pt;">nineteen</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">---go figure). At the time, a
NASA scientist gained some popularity in Christian circles with a book and
lecture series advancing a </span><i style="font-size: 12pt;">new take</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
on the amazing visions recounted in Ezekiel 1.</span></span></p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">If you’re among the 99.9% of Americans who’ve <i>never read</i> Ezekiel (or among the rest who
may have read it but have little or no recollection of it) I will hereby enlighten
you. In his first chapter, Ezekiel describes a vision of living creatures
appearing out of a whirlwind, each with four wings and four faces (of a man, a
lion, an ox and an eagle). The creatures “sparkled like the color of burnished
bronze,” and they “ran back and forth, in appearance like a flash of
lightning.” Then the prophet describes what he calls “a wheel on the earth
beside each living creature,” and he says, “The appearance of their workings
was, as it were, a wheel in the middle of a wheel.” </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Bible scholars have long supposed that Ezekiel experienced a vision
of heavenly creatures similar to the <i>Seraphim</i>
described in Isaiah 6, or the creatures the Apostle John saw around God’s
throne as recorded in Revelation 4, each of whom had one of the four faces
Ezekiel described. (The meaning of that business about <i>wheels</i> was anybody’s guess.) But the NASA scientist proposed that Ezekiel
may have actually interacted with what we call (or what <i>Hollywood</i> calls) <i>aliens</i>----extraterrestrials,
life forms who traveled to earth from another planet in a spacecraft (a wheel
in the middle of a wheel) far more advanced than anything yet produced by man. I
don’t remember the scientist’s name, but we’ll call him Zulcan. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">“Isn’t Zulcan the name of your home planet, Rusty?”</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">I’ll deal with you later, Pretty Boy.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Our seminary president, Dr. Carl McIntire, must have been
impressed with Zulcan’s book or lecture, because he arranged to have him speak
at a seminary chapel. His presentation included slides of an artist's
renderings of Ezekiel's visions interspersed with grainy images of UFO's
captured by pilots or other earthlings. If you’re thinking that the
weight of evidence that Ezekiel saw <i>aliens</i>
who visited Earth in a<i> spacecraft</i>
must be (of necessity) <i>on the light side,</i>
you are thinking <i>clearly.</i> Furthermore,
if you’re wondering what difference it makes whether Ezekiel saw <i>angels</i> created by God, or <i>other life forms </i>created by God, you’re
thinking the way <i>I </i>was thinking in
that chapel.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">At least you were<i> thinking, </i>Rusty.<i> </i>The
only thing in the mind of your parishioners is usually, “When is this guy gonna
stop talking?”</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">“Parishioners,” that’s a big word for you, Tommy<i>, four</i><b>
</b><i>syllables</i>. <i>Good</i> boy! <i>Who’s </i>a good
boy? Now go get a cookie.<span></span></span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">As I was about to say, Zulcan’s presentation was a bit hard for
the student body to swallow, and let’s just say it didn’t make it onto the short
list of particularly edifying chapel messages.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“Wait here, Rusty. Let me run and find my list of <b><i>your</i>
</b><i>particularly edifying messages.</i> I
think I wrote it on the back of a postage stamp.”</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">How could you have finished that cookie already, Pretty Boy?</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“As a matter of fact, I ate <i>four
</i>of them, <i>and</i> a slice of pie. While I’m here, let me ask, for the benefit of
your two or three remaining <i>Stale Bread</i>
readers, is anything interesting actually going to <i>happen</i> in this story?”</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I’m getting to it, Tommy.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Faith Seminary was housed in Lynnewood Hall, a huge Neoclassical
Revival mansion built at the end of the Nineteenth Century for industrialist
Peter Widener. The vacant estate had fallen into the hands of the non-profit
seminary because the taxes for a private owner would have been astronomical. The
mansion has a huge atrium, dominated by a chandelier that seems in my memory to
be at least twenty or thirty feet above the marbled floor. It was the first
thing that on-campus students would see as they descended the grand staircase from
their rooms each day.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">I think it was the morning after Zulcan's visit that those
students were shocked to see what appeared to be <i>a flying saucer</i> hovering in mid-air a few feet below the chandelier. On
closer inspection, it was determined to be a hubcap hanging on fishing
line. As you may imagine, this brought the student body <i>no little amusement.</i> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">“Your readers would be thrilled with even <i>a little</i> amusement.”</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Shush, Pretty Boy. Lie
down.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">At the same time, this brought the administration </span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">no little consternation</i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">; because I don't
think the seminary owned a freestanding ladder tall enough to reach it.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">The student body quickly determined that the perpetrators
of the caper would need both </span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">audacity</i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> and</span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> sagacity, a</i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">udacity
to conceive and attempt such a stunt, and sagacity to determine how it could be
done. Phil and Al (the tormentors of Dr. Dickie’s dog Jolly in the
aforementioned story) quickly became the prime suspects.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">It seems to me that several weeks went by before the
<i>powers-that-were</i> found a way to remove the IHO (Identified Hanging Object).
If you sneak into the now vacant </span>estate,<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> you may find a telltale fishing line
still hanging from the chandelier. I don't remember </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">how</i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> the hubcap was removed, but you'll be relieved to hear that I’m
pretty sure it didn't involve flinging Jolly onto it. Perhaps Phil or Al can be induced to comment below as to whether a flying Jolly was involved in </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">placing</i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> the hubcap there. They may be more forthcoming now that Dr. Dickie is either
home with the Lord or over 125 years old and presumably not able to read a font this small. To be clear, the evidence that Phil and Al were the culprits is only circumstantial (although I'm not aware that they've ever offered convincing denials of
participation). Jolly remains a canine of interest.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“I suppose that prank may have been mildly amusing to bored seminary
students, Rusty; but there’s something I don’t get. Why would you come down so
hard on this Zulcan fellow’s theory, given that you told me that </span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">as a child you were abducted and probed by
aliens?</i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I can’t believe you would </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">say </i><span style="color: #222222;"><i>that,</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><i> </i>Tommy! I told you that</span></span><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">, </span></span><b style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><i>as I explained</i></b><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">, </span></span><b style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><i>in confidence!</i></b></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">“Oh, <i><b>‘in confidence’</b></i>------my
bad, I misheard you. I thought you said you were telling me <i>to<b> explain</b> your <b>incontinence</b></i>.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">What? </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">That doesn’t even
make sense!</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Why would I need to </span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">explain my incontinence</i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> to</span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> you</i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">?</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">I mean, if I<b> </b></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><b>were</b></i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> incontinent,
which I’m </span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><b>not.</b></i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“Because it's helpful information. Suppose we're watching a ball game, and you hop up and rush to the bathroom? Knowing that the alien probe left you
incontinent would explain your behavior. It’s a medical condition; there’s no
<i>shame</i> in it. You remember that Sunday when you were so late getting into the
pulpit? A new couple beside me was
getting restless. I told them not to be alarmed; I explained that sometimes you suddenly have
to use the rest room----as a consequence of the alien probe you endured as a
child.”</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">What?</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> You told them <i>that? What </i>new couple?</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">“I don’t remember. I don’t think I saw them at church again.”</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">That’s a shocker! </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">“Now don’t go blaming that on <i>me</i>, Rusty. <i>I</i> didn’t
preach that Sunday.”</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">This is </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">entirely
inappropriate</i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">, Tommy. I tolerate your intrusions because I’m a tolerant </span>man, but<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> telling church visitors and my readers about my alien abduction is </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">going too far.</i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> <i>Furthermore</i>, you’ve
<i>misled</i> them about that incontinence business.</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“Wait a minute. Didn’t you say in your last story that you and your seminary classmates falsely accused your teacher’s dog of incontinence?”</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Not exactly, I said she jumped to that conclusion when she saw the puddle. We just didn’t
<i>correct</i> her.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“</span>So,<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> you can </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">dish it </i><span style="color: #222222;"><i>out,</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> but you can’t </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">take it</i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">. You know the old adage, ‘What’s good for the pooch is good for the preacher.’”</span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I’m pretty sure that’s not an old adage.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“</span>Well,<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> it </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">should</i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> be. Now you’d
better wrap this up, Rusty; you’ve been sitting at your laptop a long time. We
wouldn’t want you to have an accident.”</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I appreciate your concern, Tommy. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">The Bible </span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">does</i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> have
something to say about aliens (quite a bit, in fact) but not the interplanetary
kind. Among the most important is this:</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Believers are not to </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">mistreat</i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
or </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">oppress</i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span>aliens but<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> are to extend
to them </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">kindness </i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">and </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">love.</i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">God commanded the people of Israel: “You shall neither<i> mistreat</i> a stranger (an alien) nor <i>oppress</i> him, for you were strangers in
the land of Egypt.” </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 10pt;">(Exodus 22:21)</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">In Deuteronomy we read, “The LORD your God…administers justice
for the fatherless and the widow, and </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">loves
the stranger,</i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> giving him food and clothing. </span>Therefore,<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">love the stranger,</i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” (</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 10pt;">Deut.10:17-19) </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">The Lord Jesus affirmed this in one of his most familiar
parables. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 10pt;">(Luke 10).</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">A lawyer had just correctly summarized the second table of God’s
moral law with the words, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But Luke
says that the lawyer, “wanting to justify himself,” proceeded to ask Jesus, “And who is my
neighbor?” </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Jesus answered, as he often did, with a story:</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: 12pt;">“A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell
among thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, wounded him and departed,
leaving him half dead.”</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Two Jewish religious leaders came down the road, saw the man in
need, and “passed by on the other side.”</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">But a Samaritan (a stranger, a foreigner, an alien) “came where
he was. And when he saw him” (a man who was a stranger, a foreigner, an alien </span></span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">to him</i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">) “he had compassion. </span>So,<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> he went
to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his
own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him.” On the next day, when
the Samaritan departed, he left money with the innkeeper and said to him,</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“’Take care of him; and
whatever more you spend, when I come again, I will repay you.’”</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Jesus then asked the lawyer, “So which of these three do you
think was neighbor to him who fell among thieves?”</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">And he said, “He who showed mercy on him.”</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Then Jesus said to him, “Go and do likewise.”</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">The Lord is urging us, in as clear terms as we can imagine, in
both this passage and others (see Matthew 25:31-46) to show compassion to the
alien (as well as to the fatherless, the widow, the refugee, the prisoner and the poor). Whether they are fleeing <i>Taliban suppression</i> in the Middle East, <i>Russian aggression</i> in Eastern Europe, or <i>Drug Gang oppression </i>in Central America, they are to be considered <i>our neighbors.</i> Unscrupulous
leaders may stoke the <i>fear of aliens</i>
for political gain; it has proven to be a winning strategy for centuries. But if those of us who call ourselves <i>Christians</i> harden our hearts toward the alien, we are rebuked by our <i>Supreme Commander</i>:</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“Why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do the things which I
say?” </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 10pt;">(Luke 6:46)<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><b> </b></span></span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222;">NOTE: Some scholars believe that Christ's parable of the Good Samaritan was based on a real incident, and that the wounded man on the road was Simon Zulcanus of Jericho, a prominent merchant, who became a follower of Christ. It's believed that he recovered from the brutal attack, but that for the rest of his life, Zulcanus (Zulcan in the English) was <i>incontinent</i>. Evidently some scholars will believe anything.</span> </span></p>Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-36337964123819645912022-02-09T11:19:00.002-05:002022-02-10T15:47:32.850-05:00A Jolly Good Time at the Cemetery<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjoSWvYi6NW7P72AcBERTF24fQIHK3qdifvPf-w9LZI8i6MAJa1EvBH9Abkfu3P_85T_KvoylxKrM4GGIy7ASmsr6DhFWTFn_Dzib8VJxMb84xJfLKgoDIlrNssCsIqEXYS5Ndg_tFcYQhKvcz8QhwbohVkphDGulnHNdtM7ZNHzogToX9UOOue7lwa=s276" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="276" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjoSWvYi6NW7P72AcBERTF24fQIHK3qdifvPf-w9LZI8i6MAJa1EvBH9Abkfu3P_85T_KvoylxKrM4GGIy7ASmsr6DhFWTFn_Dzib8VJxMb84xJfLKgoDIlrNssCsIqEXYS5Ndg_tFcYQhKvcz8QhwbohVkphDGulnHNdtM7ZNHzogToX9UOOue7lwa=w276-h178" width="276" /></a></span></span></div><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Preparing for the ministry, my brother Doug and I attended Faith Theological Seminary near Philadelphia. As you can imagine, a seminary can be a rather </span></span><i><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><span style="color: #222222;">solemn </span></span></i><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">place, as learning to rightly
interpret and proclaim God’s truth is serious business. (One of our visiting chapel speakers enjoyed poking fun at the somber atmosphere. More than once he began his message, “It’s an honor to be back at Faith <i>Cemeter</i></span></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">----I mean <i>Seminary</i></span></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">.”)
Thankfully, there were a few classmates who found ways to enliven
things.</span></span></div></span><p></p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">All our classes were taught by men, with <i>one</i> <i>exception</i>. </span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">A required English course was conducted by an
elderly, dignified, no-nonsense widow who had taught for
decades in Philadelphia public schools. Dr. Dickie was on a mission to teach
proper English to men before they ascended the pulpit. My guess is, she
had been scandalized one-too-many times by the grammar mistakes of young preachers, so she
volunteered to come out of retirement to assist the cause. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Her practice was to bring to class her well-mannered little West
Highland Terrier </span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif"><i>Jolly </i></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">and tie his
leash to one of the front legs of her desk. I suspect she couldn’t bear the
thought of leaving Jolly home alone for several hours, so she had agreed to
teach only if he could accompany her. Jolly would snooze calmly by the desk,
listening to the grammar lesson with what appeared to be the same level of interest as the rest of us. </span></span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Then came the day when my friends Phil and Al brought squirt
guns to class, having determined to boldly go where no man had gone before (and where, it could be argued, no <i>wise </i></span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">man has <i>yet </i></span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">gone). They waited patiently through much of the day's lecture until Dr. Dickie rose
from her chair and turned to use the blackboard. This was their chance.
Seated near each other in the front of the room, they drew their
weapons and sent streams of water in Jolly's direction, the squeaking of
the squirt guns timed to be drowned out by the sound of scraping chalk. Their intention was evidently to get Jolly barking and
cause a disruption, providing us with a brief respite from gerunds and
independent clauses. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">At first Jolly reacted with only mild curiosity.</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> It seemed he too was thankful for a break
from the routine. Without any audible protest, he hopped to his tiny legs and
looked around to pinpoint the source of the distraction. From his subdued response an onlooker might
have thought (had any onlooker been thinking) that it came as no great surprise
to Jolly to be sprinkled in a Presbyterian Seminary. As the occasional
carefully timed effusions continued, he appeared to embrace the fun, yipping, wagging his
tail and trying to catch the water in his mouth. His restlessness drew
some mild rebukes from Dr. Dickie as she continued busy at the
blackboard. <span></span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"Shush, Jolly, lay
down."<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">"I would have said '<i>lie </i></span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">down'</span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> </i><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Mr. Sukhia, I was not asking </span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Jolly to <i>place</i> or <i>lay</i></span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">an object on
the floor, I was instructing him to <i>prostrate himself."</i></span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Yes, of course, Dr. Dickie, I remember now; you told him
to <i>lie down</i></span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt;">.</i><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> As I recall it was an Imperative Sentence.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">"Don't patronize me, Mr. Sukhia." </span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yes Ma'am. I'll just get back to my story now. </span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"Please do." <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Having been commanded to <i>lie down, </i></span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Jolly obediently
settled himself again. Phil and Al bided their time to extend the fun, and a
few minutes later, Jolly received another squirt. By this time the
interest of the entire class was focused on this drama.</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Meanwhile the interest of your <i>Stale Bread</i> readers is long gone.”</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Why Tommy (AKA Pretty Boy) Humphrey, my friendly antagonist, I wasn’t <i>expecting</i> you! I would have thought the setting of an English
class would have kept you <i>out</i> of this
story.</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I heard talk of dogs and guns. I thought this might be about
hunting----you know, the kind of thing <i>real
men</i> do, Rusty. I’m disappointed again."</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><i>Of course,</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> you are.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“By the way, I’m surprised <i>you</i>
weren’t involved in this little caper, Rusty. Wasn’t disrupting classes your
specialty in high school, like when you claim you landed a plane on the football
field, then climbed your school’s bell tower and rang the bell? I think you say you were being chased by a
bear at the time.”</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You’re jumbling my stories, Pretty Boy. You must have read the first <i>Wry</i> <i>Bread </i>book by the “Pick-a-Random-Page” method. But to your point, while at seminary I was
working nights, so it was enough of a challenge for me to just stay awake in
class.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“That’s interesting; it’s the same challenge your congregation
has every Sunday morning.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;">Well,<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> it’s been nice chatting with you Tommy, but I was in the
middle of a story.</span></span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Wait. What was that about you <i>working nights</i>? I’m trying
to picture you <i>working</i>.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If you must know, I was the third-shift desk clerk at a motel, and later, a security guard stationed at the front desk of a closed office complex.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“I see. </span><span style="color: #222222;">So,</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> you basically sat on your keister the whole time. Good training for your life’s ‘work.’ When you
were a security guard, did you get to carry a squirt gun?”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Please excuse my friend Tommy. He suffers from the lingering
effects of what he likes to call an <i>old football injury. </i>(H</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">e <i>did </i>receive a severe blow to the head at a game----it was from an irate Ravens fan as Tommy rooted for
the Steelers in Baltimore.)</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I was saying, Jolly was restless, and Dr. Dickie was beginning
to take notice. Although to that point each of the spectators had succeeded at
stifling his laughter, it was just a matter of time before one of us would
crack. Perhaps sensing this, Phil and Al waited for an appropriate moment, and
then released a full barrage. Finally Jolly began barking vigorously. Dr.
Dickie interrupted her lesson and walked over to where Jolly was tethered to
investigate the fuss, and she found a small pool of liquid on the tiled floor.</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This was the decisive moment. A cursory examination of the
puddle would reveal it was simply water, and a cursory examination of those in
the front of the class would reveal two weapons of class disruption. I imagined
that soon we'd be visiting Phil and Al in a cell in the seminary basement,
reminiscing about the <i>best English class
ever</i>. My daydream was interrupted by Dr. Dickie addressing her dog.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"Jolly, <i>look</i> what you've done!" </span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wonder and relief swept the class. This was <i>great! </i>Apparently Jolly was going to <i>take one for the team</i>.
But then Dr. Dickie looked at Phil in the front row and said:</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"Mr. Futoran.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Uh oh. Had she spotted tell-tale water on his desk? We held our breath.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Yes?”</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“Would you please take Jolly </span>outside;<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> it seems he's had an
accident."</span></span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Phil (greatly relieved, no doubt) stood and took Jolly's leash with
a wry smile, saying something like, "Yes, I'd be happy to." </span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Al graciously volunteered to bring some
paper towels from the nearest restroom to clean up "Jolly's
mess."</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For what remained of the class, Perp #1 was strolling around the
lush seminary grounds, safe from all grammar talk, while Perp #2 was enjoying a gratuitous bathroom break. Meanwhile, Dr.
Dickie's other students were trying to determine if what we had just witnessed should be labeled <i>ironic</i> or <i>paradoxical. </i>I for one was pretty sure no <i>onomatopoeia</i> was involved (nor any <i>mutt-a-pee-a, </i>come to think of it).</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Looking back on that class in an attempt to find a spiritual lesson, here's what I came up with: <b>Sometimes
crime <i>does</i> pay </b>(temporarily at least). </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">"That's a bit of a stretch, isn't it Rusty? What was the crime here? Amusing some bored students while they were learning to become boring preachers?" </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Give me a break, Pretty Boy, I don't have much to go on here. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">"That's never stopped you before."</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Psalm 73 records the reaction of one who saw some get away with
offenses a bit more serious than interrupting a grammar lesson.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“My steps had nearly slipped, for I was envious of the boastful,
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked, for</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> there are no pains in their death,
but their strength is firm. They are not in trouble like other men, nor are
they plagued like other men; therefore, pride serves as their necklace; violence
covers them like a garment. Their eyes bulge with abundance; they have more
than heart could wish. They scoff and speak loftily. They set their mouth against
the heavens.”</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Psalmist was troubled when he saw wicked men prosper. Although they scoffed at God, boasting against the heavens, they were
wealthy, and healthy. They lived to old
age and died without pain. It shook his faith to see this. He says his steps
nearly slipped. It can happen to <i>us</i> when we see men get away with crimes and escape all justice here. But the Psalmist continues:</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“…until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their
end. Truly you set them in slippery places; you make them fall to ruin. How
they are destroyed in a moment, swept away utterly by terrors!”</span><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He was reminded that although<i> man’s</i> justice may fail, <i>God’s</i>
justice does not. Even those who face no consequences for their crimes <i>here</i> must stand before the bar of God’s
justice, and the judge of all the earth will do right.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“…we will all stand before the judgment seat of God, for it is
written, </span><i><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">‘As I live, says the
Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God. So
then each of us will give an account of himself to God.’” </span></i><span face="Arial, "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 10pt;">[Romans 14:10-12]</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now when I think of that <i>Jolly day</i> at Faith <i>Cemeter</i>---I mean <i>Seminary</i> that's the lesson I’m reminded of.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You are r<i>eminded of</i>, Mr.
Sukhia?”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"><span face=""Arial","sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m sorry, Dr. Dickie. What I meant to say is, that's the lesson <i>of which I’m reminded.</i></span></p>Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-81822126833332777592021-09-29T15:04:00.007-04:002022-08-20T15:23:45.213-04:00My Royal Highness<p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F3J8jurhWGg/YVS1l9ddc_I/AAAAAAAAHSg/sjFyGyq5a98SvxmFTTnB9BCdz6OZDN_OgCLcBGAsYHQ/s246/Henry%2BVIII.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="246" data-original-width="205" height="246" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F3J8jurhWGg/YVS1l9ddc_I/AAAAAAAAHSg/sjFyGyq5a98SvxmFTTnB9BCdz6OZDN_OgCLcBGAsYHQ/s0/Henry%2BVIII.jpg" width="205" /></a></div><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><br /> </div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I asked my wife to sit for a few
minutes after supper. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“I have to tell you something
important.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“Okay.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“I’ve wanted to tell you this for
a long time, but I wasn’t sure you’d understand.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“This sounds ominous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is it?”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“It’s not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">bad</i>, but you might call it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">life
changing</i>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you ready?” </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“All ears.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“I’m <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">a royal.”</i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“You’re a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">what</i>?”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“I’m <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">a royal</i>.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“What’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> supposed to mean?”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“It means as it sounds. After
much soul-searching, I’ve concluded that I am in fact<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> royalty</i>, and I am not ashamed to say so.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work
that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can’t just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">declare yourself to be royalty</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the sort of thing you have to be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">born into</i>.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“Listen to yourself. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">so</i>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">twentieth century.</i> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re obviously not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">awake.”</i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“I’m not what?”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“You’re not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">awake</i>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You need to be awakened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone needs to wake you.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“I think you mean, I’m not
‘woke.’”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“That’s what I said.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“Not exactly.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“Nonetheless, now that you know
I’m a royal, I adjure you to use appropriate terms when addressing me.”<span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“You may adjure me all you wish,
but I <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">don’t know</i></b> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">you’re a
royal</b>. In fact, I know you’re <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> a royal</b>.” </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“I have no intention of disputing
this matter with you. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That would be
demeaning to the throne, an insult to the monarchy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Henceforth, acceptable terms when addressing
me shall be: ‘Your Lordship, Your Majesty, Russell the First, Your Royal
Highness.’”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“I see. I’m curious, Your
Majesty, how long have you been aware that you are royalty?”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“Long have I suspected it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You recall that production of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Camelot </i>we attended in the springtime of
life?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe I knew then, on some
level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I identified with King Arthur.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“Not with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The King’s Fool</i>?”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“Thou hast a quick tongue, Woman.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps a fortnight in the tower will slow
its wagging.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“Forgive me, Your Liege.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, you’ve felt this way for over fifty
years?” </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“It is as you say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>O’er half a century I have shouldered this
burden alone, knowing I am a royal in the body of a commoner.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“You're right about one thing; your <i>body</i> is common enough." </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">"Shall I summon the royal executioner?" </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">"Twas a mere jest, Your Majesty. Have you spoken to your doctor
about this?”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“In truth I have.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’m guessing he referred you to a psychiatrist?”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“Once again, your antiquated
thinking is revealed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My physician referred
me to a Regalologist.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“A Rega-what?”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“A Regalologist, a specialist in all
things regal.” </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“I’ve never heard of such a being.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“’There are more things in heaven
and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.’ <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He provided a questionnaire to determine if I
am truly a royal on the inside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Attend
to the first few questions:</p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="text-align: justify;"></p><ul><li>Do you ever feel
that mundane household tasks are beneath your dignity?</li><li>Do you think
that people don’t always show you sufficient deference?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></li><li>As a child, were
you drawn toward horseracing, polo or playing ball sports on lawns? </li><li>Are purple and red
among your favorite colors?</li><li>Do you tend to
choose Caesar Salads over Garden Salads? </li><li>Have you ever
taken (or wanted to take) a Royal Caribbean Cruise?</li><li>Do you think
Corgis are adorable? </li></ul><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“The results confirmed that I am a
royal.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“I think your Royalist is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">royally confused</i>.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“You speak as the foolish women. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Regalologist</i>,
and in truth, he is in the vanguard of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trans-Royal
Research</i>, having earned a Doctorate in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trans-Royal
Studies</i> from Cambridge.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“Not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Transylvania </i>University? <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now
that we know you’re a king, shall we have your throne moved from the bathroom
to a more prominent spot?”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“This is how I feared you would
respond.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is why I have been living
with this secret so long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it too much
to ask that a wife be supportive of her husband’s deepest convictions, a wife
who, I might add, last provided a male heir over four decades ago?” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“I’m sorry, Your Highness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just that this is all so<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> unexpected</i>.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“Surely you must have seen some
signs over the years.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“Well, you’ve always acted as if we
had servants to pick up after you, and you seem surprised when others don’t
heed your decrees, but I just chalked that up to selfishness and conceit.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“You are forgiven for thinking
that way before you were enlightened. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One
cannot be shocked when a commoner ascribes ignoble motives to the comportment
of nobility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But now that you have been informed that you
are living in the presence of aristocracy, I trust you will grant Your
Sovereign the honor his royal stature deserves. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So let it be written. So let it be done.” </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Embracing the delusions of others
is neither wise nor loving. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If Robert
comes home from school one day and announces to his wise, loving parents that
he believes he is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">George Washington</i>, his
parents will explain to him<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> the truth</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>George Washington was a historical figure that
lived and died hundreds of years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They will patiently endeavor to convince their son, with an abundance of
factual evidence, that he is mistaken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
they are unsuccessful on their own, they will arrange for counseling for him, because
they know that his believing such a falsehood will bring him great harm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The wise, loving parents will <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">not</b> begin to call their son “Mr.
President,” purchase a white wig and colonial clothing for him, and consent to
his desire to find a surgeon willing to subject him to a series of radical leg-lengthening
surgeries in order to support his delusion. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Similarly, if Robert comes home
from school one day and announces to his wise, loving parents that he believes
he is a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">female</i>, his parents will
explain to him the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">in fact</i> a male, and he has been so since
conception.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The parents will patiently endeavor
to convince their son, with an abundance of factual evidence, that he is
mistaken. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they are unsuccessful on
their own, they will arrange for counseling for him, because they know that his
believing such a falsehood will bring him great harm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The wise, loving parents will <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">not</b> begin to call their son “Roberta,”
purchase a wig and girl’s clothing for him, and consent to his desire to find a
surgeon willing to subject him to a series of radical surgeries in order to
support his delusion.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“My little children, let us not
love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.” (1 John 3:18)</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">“So, God created man in His own
image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” (Genesis
1:27) </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Share this slice of Wry Bread and receive an autographed glossy photo of His Royal Highness. *<span style="font-size: x-small;">Exorbitant shipping and handling rates apply. </span><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Offer not available in the Continental U.S. or elsewhere.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">[<i>Wry Bread</i> stories<i> </i>in book form are now available at Amazon both as E-books and paperbacks.]</p>Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-83063162815985521242020-03-26T11:26:00.001-04:002022-08-29T11:08:25.137-04:00Rusty Wonders<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-w0o1fQLMzg4/XnzHpHMSNNI/AAAAAAAAEFU/f6MmwafZI9o5S0HxN1AMjudsWLx-4rl_wCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Rusty%2BWonders.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="184" data-original-width="273" height="134" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-w0o1fQLMzg4/XnzHpHMSNNI/AAAAAAAAEFU/f6MmwafZI9o5S0HxN1AMjudsWLx-4rl_wCLcBGAsYHQ/s200/Rusty%2BWonders.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Some things cause me to wonder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, the little box of dye that temporarily
turns gray beards back to their original brown or black is called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Just for Men</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">print
it prominently</i> on the front of the box.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can’t imagine why they would do that, other than to prevent <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">women</i> from using it to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dye their</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">beards.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Keep away, ladies, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i> beard dye is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">just for</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">men</i>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You women will have to get <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">your own.”</i> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<br /><div style="text-align: justify;">I wonder how many husbands have heard their wives say
something like:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;">“Honey, have you noticed
how my beard has been slowly turning gray over the years?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sure wish I could put some of your dye on
it; you know, to bring back the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">natural
brown</i> I had when we married, but the box says it’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Just for Men</i>.”</div>
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;">“You don’t need that, dear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">like</i> your beard with the
gray.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s distinguished looking, and the
gray goes <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">especially </i>well with your <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">blue lipstick.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It gives your face that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Civil War Reenactment</i> look.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Thanks, Honey, that’s sweet, but I’d <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">still</i> like to get that gray out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It makes me self-conscious when I’m around younger women with their dark
moustaches and beards.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Well, you’re welcome to try it, but there must be some
reason it’s clearly labeled <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">just for men</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe it won’t work on women’s beards?”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“But how could a woman’s beard be so much different than a
man’s?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hair is hair.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Well there must be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">some
difference</i> or they wouldn’t have made such a point of it on the box.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think you’d better use the shoe polish
under the sink.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“But won’t that make my beard shiny?”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“No, I don’t think so, not unless you buff it.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I also wonder about the <i>side mirrors on cars </i>that say,
“Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Is that really a good idea?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<a name='more'></a><div style="text-align: justify;">“Mr. Bonneville, Have you heard?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve designed a mirror we can put on the side
of a car so the driver can see the vehicles behind him without turning
around.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“That’s great, Johnson, good work!”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“And I designed it so the vehicles look like they’re <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">further away</i> than they really are.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“What’s that again?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did
you say you designed it so the vehicles would look <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">further away</i> than they are?”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“That’s right, Sir.”</div>
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div></span><div style="text-align: justify;">“Johnson, are you mad?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do you have any idea how many accidents that will cause?”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Accidents, Sir?”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Think about it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
driver checks his side mirror.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The semi
in the next lane appears to be several car lengths back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So he moves into the semi’s lane, only to
discover that the semi is already upon him.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Oh, I didn’t think of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i>,
Mr. Bonneville.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Well what in the world were you thinking of, Johnson?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Isn’t the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">purpose
of the mirror</i> to let you know how close the approaching traffic is, and if
it’s safe to change lanes?”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“I suppose it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i>
Sir.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“You <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">suppose it is!</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now
get back to the design floor and come up with a mirror that’s accurate!”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Well the problem is, Sir-------the mirrors are already in
production.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“In production!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who
authorized that?”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Well, Sir, It was Mr. Cadillac himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He came onto the floor and saw the design and
thought it was great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has authorized
them on every vehicle.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Every vehicle? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
is madness!”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“It gets worse, Sir.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Other car companies have already purchased rights to the design.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These mirrors will be everywhere soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I
have an idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Suppose we etch a message
onto each mirror; something like, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">warning,
the cars in the mirror are closer than they look</i>.”</div>
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div></span><div style="text-align: justify;">“You want to take an already faulty, dangerous mirror, and
clutter it up with a disclaimer?”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“That’s right, Sir.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“You propose that we etch <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">a warning</i> onto<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> every side
mirror we make,</i> so drivers trying to see the traffic in the mirrors <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">also</i>
have to see the message telling them the traffic is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">closer than it looks</i>.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“That’s what I’m proposing, Sir.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Johnson, you’re a genius!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You’re going to go far in this business.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now get back to work on that car that falls apart a year after the warranty
expires.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“Right away, Sir.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank
you, Mr. Bonneville.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Some things leave us scratching our heads.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s true, of course, even when we read
God’s Word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, the Bible says
God is sovereign over all events on earth, from the greatest to the least.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“…He does according to His will in the army of heaven, and
among the inhabitants of the earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No
one can restrain His hand or say to Him, ‘What have you done?’”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;">(Daniel 4:35)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, like the
rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes.” <span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;">(Proverbs 21:1)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">“In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being
predestined according to the purpose of Him who <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">works all things according to the counsel of His own will</i>.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;">(Ephesians
1:11)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">When you and I make major decisions, we seek counsel from
those we think may be wiser than we are (automobile designers, for
example).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God need not seek any counsel
other than that of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">His own will</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no higher counsel than that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the point we are underscoring <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">here</i> is that there is a sense in which
<i>all things </i>that take place here are <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">in
accordance with the will of God</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a conundrum for us in two major respects:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">First</b>, we do not
normally perceive any divine restraints upon our actions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From our perspective, we could, if we were so
inclined, do something dramatic that would forever change the course of our
lives, or the lives of others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
thinking of something even more dramatic than dyeing our beards or wearing blue
lipstick; maybe something like intentionally <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ramming that semi</i> that’s<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>passing
us on the right. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is very hard for us
to believe that God can exercise sovereign control over what we feel to be the
free actions of an independent agent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The short answer to that quandary is: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>because he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">designed</i>
us, because He’s aware of every influence in our lives, because He knows our
thoughts and motivations, and because He is not bound by time, but is rather,
the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">author</i> of it, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nothing we do comes as any surprise to Him.</i></div></b><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Second</b>, it’s
hard for us to believe that God exercises sovereign control over all things on
earth because things are in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">such a mess</i>
here:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>wars, famines, tornadoes, violent
crimes, tsunamis, pandemics, child abuse…the list could go on and on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div></b><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">“Do you expect me to believe that those terrible
things are somehow in accordance with the will of God?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
murder</i> according to the will of God?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">No, of course not, if by “the will of God,” we mean His will for His creatures
as revealed in His Word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We could call
this <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">His revealed will;</i> some theologians,
who can evidently get away with making new words, call it<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> God’s preceptive will, </i>or<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
the will of His precepts </i>(or laws).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">God is quite clear that it is not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">His will</i> that we murder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">But when the Bible speaks of God doing<i> according to His will </i>on earth,
it’s referring to what has been called His <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">decretive
will</i>, or the will of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">His decrees</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In other words, given man’s fall, and the
state of things down here until Christ returns to set things right, murder is a
reality. Insofar as God permits it to occur (since of course He could stop it
by immediately intervening and bringing earth’s sordid history to a sudden
close) we must affirm that He has <i>decreed</i> that it should happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Murder is itself an evil, but God temporarily
permits it for reasons that will ultimately be revealed to all to be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">good</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Those reasons involve His patience, His mercy, and His offer of forgiveness and eternal life to all who will repent of their sins and transfer their trust to Christ, the one who lived and died for sinners. Do you long for God to intervene and put an end to all evil on Earth? That day will come. The cup of His wrath will one day be full. But be thankful that you live in a day of mercy. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">For a more in-depth look at God's sovereignty, you
might want to check out my video message, “Who’s in Charge Here?” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can find it at: <a href="https://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=915111934262">https://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=915111934262</a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <b>Warning:</b> People on the video are larger than they appear.</span>.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<b><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>Note: </b>This slice of <i>Wry Bread</i> was included, in similar form, in the book of the same name, but Rusty wondered why it should not also be here. Apparently he dwells in a perpetual state of wonder.</div></b><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-88034884810972450802019-09-10T15:35:00.004-04:002022-08-29T11:16:21.367-04:00Lassie and the Pastor Mechanic<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GzV_P02Ude8/XXf52eFesDI/AAAAAAAADHQ/wUXXnExdzwUgJR7oAIeuO-EJYWdyhjQBQCLcBGAs/s1600/Lassie.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="750" height="160" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GzV_P02Ude8/XXf52eFesDI/AAAAAAAADHQ/wUXXnExdzwUgJR7oAIeuO-EJYWdyhjQBQCLcBGAs/s200/Lassie.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I've been in ministry
long enough to know that people take for granted that no pastor has any
mechanical aptitude. They forget that before we were called to the ministry,
pastors had secular jobs; we are not utterly inept.</span><br />
<br /><div style="font-size: 12pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Just a few days ago, for example, as I attempted to start my car, the </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">check engine</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> light came on. Did I ignore
the light, as the </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mechanically inept
pastor</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> would do? </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">No, I immediately popped
the hood and got out and checked. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">It was
a false alarm; the engine was still there. By the way, this has been the case
every time my </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">check engine </i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">light has
come on. Clearly this light was another promising idea that didn't pan
out---like the idea to store our used plastics in the ocean, or have a </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hurricane season</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">"Or the idea that a pastor could be humorous?"</span></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Thank you, Pretty Boy. When I want your </span>input,<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> I'll ask a cop to tase me.</span></div></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">But suppose it had </span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not </i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">been a false
alarm. Suppose this time the engine was </span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">in
fact</i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> missing. Perhaps you imagine that like the </span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">typical clueless pastor</i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">, I would have hopped back into the car and
attempted to drive to the nearest auto mechanic. But I wasn't born last Tuesday.
I know enough to </span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"> drive a car
when 1) it's out of oil, or 2) it's out of coolant, or 3) its engine is
missing.</span></div>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">"Well," you're thinking, "maybe this pastor </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">has</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> learned a few things about</span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
cars </i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">over the years, but that doesn't disprove the presumption that he's
mechanically witless. What sort of tools does he have in his garage? That'll
tell the story."</span></div></span>
<br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I'm proud to say that I have a toolbox (well technically it's an old fishing
box) complete with not just a </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hammer</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">,
a pair of </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">pliers</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> and a </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wrench</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">, but </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">multiple screwdrivers</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">, both </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">flat
</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">and </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Phillips-head.</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> And for your
information, I've known about the Phillips-head screwdriver for decades. I
learned about it from an old </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lassie </i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">episode.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">For the benefit of any reader under sixty-five, Lassie was a collie from the </span>Scottish Highlands<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> who was forced to come to America and live with June
Lockhart and a boy named Timmy on a studio set that was painstakingly created,
down to the last detail, to look exactly like a fake farm. Everybody who was
alive in the fifties remembers </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lassie</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
because we only had 3 TV channels and if one of them was broadcasting </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lawrence Welk </i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">and another </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Queen for a Day</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">, we were all funneled to
</span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lassie</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">.</span></div></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The particular episode I have in mind began with Timmy </span><i style="font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">walking</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> his bike because one of his
pedals had fallen off. The Widow Peabody's dog, a rather witless Labrador named
Trusty as I recall, ran up barking incoherently. Timmy had no idea what Trusty
was saying because Trusty only spoke</span><i style="font-family: inherit; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Dog</i><span style="font-family: inherit;">,
though any faithful viewer would correctly suspect that Mrs. Peabody, one of
only a handful of regular characters who hadn't yet done so, had finally fallen
into a well. Lassie, who was of course multi-lingual, explained the situation
to Timmy.</span></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">"Evidently Mrs.
Peabody has fallen into a well, and she requires our assistance," he
barked.</span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222;">
<br /><div style="font-size: 12pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">"I'll never get there in time without the use of my trusty bike, </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lightning,</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> available where all fine Huffy
bicycles are sold." Timmy said.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">"Wait, I thought you said </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trusty</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
was the name of Mrs. Peabody's dog."</span></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">That's right, Pretty Boy. It was also the word Timmy used to describe his Huffy
bike. Is that a problem?</span></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">"I would have thought he'd have used a different adjective, like maybe</span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> nifty</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">.”</span></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">You would know what he said if you hadn't been watching </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Queen for a Day</i><span style="font-size: 12pt;">.</span></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Timmy continued, "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,
Lassie, I need you to run to the barn as quick as a flash and bring me back a </span>screwdriver<span style="font-size: 12pt;">. But Lassie," and here Timmy spoke distinctly, "I need a
PHILLIPS-head, not a FLAT head." </span></div></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Lassie said, “I know what a Phillips-head is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There’s no need to patronize me, Timothy. We all know you’re the alpha
dog.” </span></div>
<br />
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">In the next ten-second
clip, one of Lassie’s stunt doubles could be seen (in stock footage that
recurred every few weeks) running through the woods, fording streams and chevy-ing
brooks to frenetic music. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Arriving at
the barn where a cameraman waited, Lassie examined a flat head screwdriver and
rejected it. Then, grasping a Phillips-head between her jaws, she rushed back
to Timmy. Timmy reattached his pedal and rode like the wind (or like the
wind-machine) to the Peabody farm. Unfortunately, the Widow Peabody, thanks no
doubt to a contract dispute with the producer, had already succumbed to her
injuries. ¹ <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">The unexpected demise
of Mrs. Peabody leaves us with a few minutes to say a word about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Queen for a Day</i>, which I must have watched
during those dark days of '54, while Lassie was under investigation for alleged
Communist ties. (She was eventually cleared, but as I recall, her trainer, Ivan
Spyng, was deported). </span></div>
<br />
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">The Ill-conceived
concept of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Queen for a Day</i> was to
have a few desperate women each tell their sad story, e.g., 12 kids and no
washing machine, 13 kids and no bathtub, 14 kids and no Phillips-head. Then the
audience would decide who had the saddest story and reward her with a bouquet
of roses and a new washing machine, bathtub or Phillips-head. The unfortunate
contestants deemed <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not unfortunate enough</i>
would presumably return to their brood empty handed, but with the knowledge
that they had just been humiliated before a national audience.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">The mention of bandleader
Lawrence Welk about a dozen paragraphs ago reminds me of an anecdote. Raised in
a German speaking community, he didn't learn English until the age of 21 (there
is no record of his age when he first learned about the Phillips-head), so he
was particularly dependent upon cue cards. On one show the cue card had a
reference to The First World War, and it was printed as "World War
I." While introducing a song, Welk saw the large number one on the card
and thought it was the letter i. (That's a letter in the alphabet that falls
between the letters h and j, Pretty Boy. You may have seen it in your soup.) So
Mr. Welk said in his thick German accent, to the utter confusion of his TV
audience, "Back during Vorld Vor i..." The number of viewers who immediately
turned the channel to watch the rest of<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
Lassie</i> or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Queen for a Day</i> is
unknown. Some may have just thrown a Phillips-head at the screen. ²</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">One or two of our
readers may be interested to know that when I looked up <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Phillips-head </i>to confirm I was spelling it right, I discovered that
the screwdriver by that name was actually patented by a chap named Thompson.
Henry Phillips came along later and bought the rights to the design. So from
now on we could just as well call it a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Thompson-head</i>
screwdriver.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">"That's fascinating
Rusty. You've told us about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lassie</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Queen for a Day</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lawrence Welk</i>, and some guy named <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Thompson</i>, but you certainly haven't provided any evidence that you
are not mechanically inept." </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">On the contrary,
Pretty Boy, I've documented my knowledge of auto mechanics and screwdrivers. If
further evidence of my mechanical expertise is required, I hereby attest that I
have hung innumerable curtain rods, tasks for which I sometimes had to use an electric
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">what-cha-ma-call-it</i> to drill holes. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“That would be a
drill, Rusty.”</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Exactly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Furthermore, several of those curtain rods
ended up relatively straight. I rest my case.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Just as assumptions
are made about pastors (assumptions which, granted, in my case are actually
valid), so assumptions are made about God's dealings with mankind. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">The book of 2 Kings
records the story of Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Syria, a man
rich in honor and authority (not to mention<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
vowels</i>) who is described as "a mighty man of valor, but a leper."
Fortunately for Commander Naaman, his wife had a servant girl from Israel who
told her about Elisha, God's prophet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This unnamed girl had faith to believe that Elisha both <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">could</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">would</i> heal Naaman. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the
blessing of his king and a great deal of silver, gold and fine clothing to
offer as his copay, Naaman traveled to Israel by chariot, finding his way to
Elisha's door. But Elisha did not go out to meet him. Instead, he "...sent
a messenger to him, saying, 'Go and wash in the Jordan seven times, and your
flesh shall be restored to you, and you shall be clean.'"</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Remember, Naaman was a
big shot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He commanded an army, and he commanded
respect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had a whole garage full of
power tools, while there’s no reason to believe that Elisha had even one decent
flat head. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Naaman was angry that Elisha
didn’t even come outside to show deference to the alpha dog. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">"…Naaman became
furious, and went away and said, 'Indeed, I said to myself, He will surely come
out to me, and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, and wave his
hand over the place, and heal the leprosy. Are not the Abanah and Pharpar, the
rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Could I not wash in
them and be clean?' So he turned and went away in a rage." (2 Kings
5:11-12)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">But Naaman's servants
reasoned with him. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">"If the prophet
had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more
then when he tells you, 'Wash and be cleansed'!" (2 Kings 5:13)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">Naaman relented.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He did what the prophet told him, and he was
miraculously healed.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">He almost missed the
wondrous deliverance God had in store for him because it did not come in the
form he expected. He had certain assumptions that were not valid. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">We make similar
mistakes when, for example, we presume that God will answer our prayers in
a particular way, forgetting that He is not bound by our expectations. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">"…He does
according to His will in the armies of heaven and among the inhabitants of the
earth. No one can restrain His hand or say to Him, 'What have you done?'"
(Daniel 4:35)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">But the worst false
assumption a man can make is to assume that God will grant him forgiveness and
provide him a place in His kingdom through some method other than the one He
has provided for us, namely, repentance of sin and faith in the sinless life
and sacrificial death of His own dear Son, the Lord Jesus Christ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“But I would have
thought,” some might say, “that I could be delivered from my leprous sinful
nature by acts of kindness, or self-sacrifice, works of contrition, or vows of
chastity or poverty.”</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“I assume,” says another,
“that any sincere faith in any supreme being, whatever one might call Him,
along with any heartfelt effort to love mankind will be sufficient.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">You may of course
assume anything you wish, but your Creator has declared that you are a sinner,
and a sinner needs a Savior----<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> a
new leaf, but a new birth, and a new life, which He freely offers you.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">I leave you with the
quote attributed to G. K. Chesterton, which, I understand, he bought from a
chap named Thompson: </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“I am not going to complain
to God that there are not two types of screwdrivers.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wait, that’s not it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here it is:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;">“I am not going to complain to God that there
are not two roads to heaven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going
to thank Him that there is one.”</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">1. </span>That's the gist of the
episode as I remember it, but after 6 decades I may have gotten some details
wrong.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif""><span style="color: #004000;">2.<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> I imagine there's
only a slight chance that Welk actually said "World War i," but I
think it makes "a vonderful, a vonderful" anecdote.</span></span></span></div>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif""><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span><span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-80710462489026227602018-08-09T17:07:00.004-04:002022-08-29T11:28:27.270-04:00The Tangoed Med Web<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AK7Baw-2js8/W2ysr3PQjlI/AAAAAAAAAek/4MiWiNRPskwvIIW2zwMMjl9BhI-bcRDQACLcBGAs/s1600/tango.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="479" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AK7Baw-2js8/W2ysr3PQjlI/AAAAAAAAAek/4MiWiNRPskwvIIW2zwMMjl9BhI-bcRDQACLcBGAs/s200/tango.jpg" width="132" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It's getting so you can't watch TV without seeing a commercial for a medication that you're supposed to ask your doctor about. Apparently, the pharmaceutical companies think my doctor and I spend a lot of time just jawing about the latest developments at Pfizer, Merck and Novo Nordisk. It seems they also believe the typical doctor is so inept that his choice of medications is determined by the commercials his patients have seen.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">"Doctor, while I'm here I want to ask you about a new medicine I saw advertised that I'd like to try. I don't remember the name of it, but it's the one used by the lady in red at the dance studio."</div>
<br />
"Do you mean the lady who buys the old turntable and dances with her son?"<br />
<br />
"No, no. I mean the one who goes out to lunch with the handsome dance instructor and one of the other students after class."<br />
<br /><div style="text-align: justify;">"Oh yes, I know that med. I believe it's called Cybilwantsto<i>tango.</i> Let me see if I can fix you up with some. You know, Russ, if someone had told me twenty years ago that 90% of the job was going to be just prescribing the meds that my patients would see advertised on TV, I wouldn't have been so stressed out in Med School."</div>
<br /><div style="text-align: justify;">I wonder if these pharma companies have any statistical evidence that advertising <i>directly to patients</i> actually results in more sales. They have so much money to play with, I suspect that when company A (let's call it AstraZeneca) saw that company B (Bristol Myers Squibb) had hop-scotched over the medical journals to target the <i>Wheel of Fortune</i> viewers directly, the CEO at AstraZeneca decided to get in on the action.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div>
"Stacy, get me Research and Development."<br />
<br />
"Right away, Mr. Zeneca." <br />
<br />
"This is R&D, Bob Davidson speaking."<br />
<br />
"Hello. Davidson? Zeneca here. What do we have in the works that helps people dance the Tango?"<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
"Dance the Tango, Sir? I'm not sure that we have anything in development for that."<br />
<br />
"Well<i> Squibb</i> has it. It's called Cindywantstodance, or something like that, and it's all over the TV. They must be making billions with it."<br />
<br />
"I'm not familiar with that, Sir."<br />
<br />
"Not familiar with it? What are you doing while America is watching <i>Wheel of Fortune?"</i><br />
<i></i><br />
<i>"</i>I'm not sure, Sir. Maybe working----you know, doing research."<br />
<br />
"We're not paying you to do<i> research,</i> Davidson."<br />
<br />
"Actually, I'm head of<i> </i>Research and Development, Sir."<br />
<br /><div style="text-align: justify;">"Alright, maybe we <i>are</i> paying you to do research, but we need <i>less research</i> and <i>more development.</i> I'm buying 500 thirty second spots on<i> Dancing with the Stars </i>next quarter,<i> </i>and I want to advertise a med that people are going to clamor to have their doctor prescribe. How about Suzycanflamenco? Has that name been assigned to a drug yet?"</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">"Not to my knowledge, Sir."</div>
<br />
"Great. Call Bailey in trademarks right away."<br />
<br /><div style="text-align: justify;">I'm not the first one to note that those medication ads would be more effective if they didn't include all the disclaimers:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">"Use of Rashbegone (Sanditoffofus) may result in dizziness, insomnia, night sweats, sleep-walking, mood swings, suicidal thoughts, homicidal acts and a whole slew of other things far worse than that minor rash on your skin. In clinical trials, 32% of patients treated showed some improvement, but 4% of <i>them</i> went stark raving mad. In those same trials, 28% of those in the control group (all of whom applied a placebo)<i><b> </b>also</i> reported some improvement. And of course, those applying the placebo had no negative side effects. So, it's really a no-brainer. Save your money and use the placebo; we suggest simple petroleum jelly. Note: If you can't afford your medication, AstraZeneca is to blame, because we are charging an exorbitant amount for it."</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
But as you know, the ads are not so <i>direct</i>. They don't actually say the medication may <i>cause</i> negative results. They say something like this:<br />
<br />
"Depression and suicidal thoughts <i>have happened."</i><br />
<i></i><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">I respond, "Well<i> of course</i> they '<i>have happened.'</i> Earthquakes, tornadoes and wildfires <i>have happened.</i> Sharknadoes <i>have happened</i>." (I saw a film about it). "Yes, bad things happen. But why mention, in an ad for your medicine, that depression and suicidal thoughts<i> have happened?</i> Who doesn't know <i>that</i>? Oh, wait---I think I see; you must mean they <i>have happened as a result of taking the medicine you want me to take. </i>Then why didn't you <i>say</i> so?"</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Obviously, some federal agency (my guess is the FDA) requires them to make that disclaimer, and the drug companies are trying to be coy about it.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">How long before ads for cars are required to include something like this:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">"Driving or riding as a passenger in an automobile can be hazardous to your health. <span style="color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16px; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;"> Serious injury, dismemberment or death </span><i style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: 16px; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin: 0px;">have happened. </i>The fact that the speedometer goes to 120 miles per hour or more should not be understood to mean you should <i>ever</i> drive that fast. Don't operate a vehicle if you are taking medications such as Cybilwantsto<i>tango</i>, Cindywantsto<i>dance </i>or Suzycan<i>flamenco</i> as even the pharmaceutical companies have no idea what those medications actually <i>do.</i> It always best to walk if you are going to or from a dance studio. As a matter of fact, walking is far better for your health than driving, so the Surgeon General recommends that you <i>not</i> buy a car. Toyota cares."</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
This brings us to or spiritual lesson.<br />
<br />
<b>Perhaps Christians should use some disclaimers when we present the gospel:</b><br />
<b></b><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">Yes, it is true, sincere repentance for sin and saving faith in Christ will justify you---cause you to be declared righteous by your Creator, not because you are, in actuality, righteous---you are not. But because your sins have been ascribed to Christ, and paid for at the cross, and His righteousness has been ascribed to you. If you have truly cried out to Him for mercy, and embraced Him as your Lord and Savior, you can be assured, on the authority of God's Word, that you have been adopted into His family, and you will never perish. Jesus said of His sheep, those who hear His voice and follow Him:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">"...I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand." (John 10:28)</div>
<br />
Yes, there is great joy in knowing your sins are forgiven! Jesus said, in the same context,<br />
<br />
"I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." (John 10:10)<br />
<br />
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin: 0px;">But</b> Jesus also said to those who believe in Him:</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin: 0px;" /></div>
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"In the world you will have tribulation." (John 16:33) </div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">Faith in Christ does not mean you will be spared heartache and trials, cancer, heart disease, the loss of a child, financial ruin or persecution. You are living in a fallen world; a world afflicted by evil and disease and disasters. What God promises, for believers, is that all things <i>will work together</i> <i>for good</i> (Romans 8:28), even those things that we would see as, in themselves, <i>not</i> good.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Yes, the Lord could have returned before now and put an end to sin and pain and sorrow and death, but His coming would have also put an end to all opportunity for people to repent and believe. It is His compassion and patience that has restrained, until now, His hand of justice. One day the cup of His wrath will be full, but now,</div>
<br />
"Whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved." (Romans 10:13)<br />
<br />
"Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation." (2 Corinthians 6:2)<br />
<br /><div style="text-align: justify;">I would suggest that only after the great issue of your eternal destiny is settled should you devote any time to learning how to Tango (or learning anything else, for that matter). Rest in Christ by faith, and one day soon you'll find yourself where there is no need for doctors, and no need for meds. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<br />
[You can help spread this blend of humor and inspiration by sharing this post. (Please mark your setting for "public" so your friends can also share it.) You should see a link below. Everyone who shares it will be entered to win a free Tango lesson with my doctor. Just give me some time to persuade him to go along with it. We'll be getting together soon to talk about the latest meds, and I'll float the Tango thing by him then.]<br />
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Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-25487981240393786492018-06-29T17:19:00.001-04:002019-02-24T17:08:26.644-05:00Producing Christianettes<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AuBkukuOc2M/Wzah_YdB7fI/AAAAAAAAAd8/WCqZ0Ckb2a8JrM8_MezLs4ytlCxZcvg-QCLcBGAs/s1600/modern%2Bchurch.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="192" data-original-width="298" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AuBkukuOc2M/Wzah_YdB7fI/AAAAAAAAAd8/WCqZ0Ckb2a8JrM8_MezLs4ytlCxZcvg-QCLcBGAs/s1600/modern%2Bchurch.png" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Thank you for your recent visit to LifeJoy Church. We trust you experienced true <i>life joy </i>during your 43-45 minutes with us. To help us increase your joy on your next visit, please answer the following brief questions:</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;"><b></b><br /></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: large;">Which celebration of joy did you attend?</span><b> </b></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-size: small;"></span><b></b><span style="font-size: large;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><b></b><br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Saturday 6PM CWCC (Couples with Children Celebration)</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Saturday 7PM CDNC (Couples Date Night Celebration)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Saturday 9PM KSFC (Keep Sunday Free Celebration)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sunday 8AM K2SLC (Kids to Soccer Later Celebration)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sunday 10 AM TOTS (Traditional Old Tither Service)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Were you warmly greeted at the door and immediately directed to the coffee bar?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">Was your coffee prepared<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"> as requested and was your barista friendly and efficient?</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Once inside the celebration venue, did you find your seat comfortable and your view of the stage unobstructed? </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Please rate the Praise Band (unless you attended the Old Tither Service).</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">a) loud</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">b) super loud</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">c) rattling heaven's gates loud</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">If you attended the Old Tither Service, please rate the choir.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">a) uplifting</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">b) melodious</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">c) sleep-inducing</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">If a passage from the Bible was read or prayer was offered, was it short enough to hold your interest?</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-size: medium;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Please rate, on a scale of 1 to 10, the humorous "Life-Lesson" video or skit, for a) production values b) acting c) writing d) relevance</span></span></span><br />
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Was the pastor dressed casually enough to put you at ease?</span></span></span><br />
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">If he/she gave a message (Joy-Talk) was it sufficiently conversational so as to not come across as "preachy?"</span></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Did the pastor successfully avoid any words that might cause you discomfort, such as sin, crucifixion, repentance or judgement?</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Finally, and most importantly, when you left LifeJoy, did you feel better about yourself than when you arrived?</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Unfortunately, this fictitious survey is not too far-fetched. One couple who joined a church I served told me of an experience they had in a congregation striving to be "seeker friendly." Consultants from a mega-church were invited to interview the staff and critique a worship service. As I recall, their recommendations included shortening public prayer and the sermon, removing one or two of the less-gifted singers from the <i>Praise Team, </i>cranking up the volume of the music, and encouraging the female members of the team to wear more alluring clothing in order to attract and hold the interest of more young male "worshippers."</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">If you are familiar with worship as described and modeled in the New Testament, you know that it was intended to glorify God and to edify (build up) His people. It is primarily<b> <i>Theo</i></b>-centric, focused upon God, and it only benefits man secondarily---that is, it benefits man to focus upon God and learn about Him. Worship was never intended to be for the comfort or entertainment of the congregation, and certainly not to attract young "seekers" and hold their attention with short sermons, short prayers, short skits and short skirts. John Stott said it well, "Sermonettes produce Christianettes."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">PS. Yes, I suppose this could be called a sermonette.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>But before you tattoo me with an H for
hypocrisy, let me remind you that these little stories do not pretend to be
sermons.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>For my version of one of those,
you are encouraged to see the videos on the River's Edge Bible Church, PCA Facebook page, or go to sermonaudio.com and search for Russ Sukhia.</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-28110729335145465572018-06-13T15:41:00.000-04:002018-06-13T16:14:07.057-04:00Baby Burger Blues<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lSmySqDSkH0/WyFzIGFRE5I/AAAAAAAAAdc/ePD8zLQTySY5LVUh1JdTeQki5SI2awi3gCLcBGAs/s1600/baby%2Beating.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" height="149" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lSmySqDSkH0/WyFzIGFRE5I/AAAAAAAAAdc/ePD8zLQTySY5LVUh1JdTeQki5SI2awi3gCLcBGAs/s200/baby%2Beating.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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It's getting so that you can't even buy a burger without being
asked to comment on the experience. For example, this survey appeared on my
laptop this week:</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;">Thank you for your recent visit to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Baby Burger</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">America's first and best choice for pre-chewed burgers®<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></i>By answering a few brief questions, you
can help us continue to be the leader in introducing infants to America's
favorite food, and in allowing senior citizens to enjoy burgers thru their
golden years.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 24px; text-align: left;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">Did you choose Baby Burger primarily
for: </span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">your baby, grandchild or great grandchild? </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">your parent, grandparent or great grandparent? </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> a toothless
infant or senior unrelated to you?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>yourself or your significant senior other?</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 24px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">Did your order include:</span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">a burger in a bowl? </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">a burger in
a bottle? </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">strained fries? </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">mashed
Alaskan cod? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 24px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><br /></span></b></span>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">Was your baby burger order pre-chewed
to your baby's (or senior's) preferred consistency? _______</span></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"></span></b></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 24px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><b>If our Baby Burger character <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gerber Burger</i> was in the restaurant
handing out balloon burgers, did your infant or senior guest find him:</b><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">delightful? </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">a bit
creepy? </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">terrifying?</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<br />
<span style="margin: 0px;">Not long after I dutifully responded, I received
this message:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 16px 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Thank you</b>
for providing feedback on your recent visit to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Baby Burger</i>, baby's first choice for pre-chewed burgers.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 16px 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">We know your time is valuable, and we are grateful
that you took the time to complete our questionnaire.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 16px 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">Please help us evaluate our questionnaire by
answering these few brief questions:</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the worst questionnaire
you have ever completed, and 10 being the best, please rate Baby Burger's
questionnaire. _____</span></b></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">In your opinion, was the Baby Burger questionnaire that you
completed:</span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">a) too long. </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">b) not long enough</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">c) just the right length. </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">
</span></span><br />
<span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><br /></span></b></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">A passenger train is traveling east at 70 miles per hour,
and a freight train is traveling west at 100 kilometers per hour.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>The train traveling east is 42 miles west of
the station, and the train traveling west is 63 kilometers east of the station.
</span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">[Note:
neither engineer has shown any inclination to keep the posted speed limit, which
is 40 mph within ten miles of the station.]<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Assuming there’s a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Baby Burger</i> restaurant in the station, which train would you expect
to arrive at the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Baby Burger </i>first? </b></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">That last one stumped
me, as it seemed at first glance to involve Math.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>But I finally
went with the train traveling east, as it had passengers, who, I reasoned, would
be more inclined to go to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Baby Burger </i>than
freight.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I replied with my completed
questionnaire.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Soon I received the
following, which surprised me a bit for its frankness.</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">Thank you for your recent response.</span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> Only a very
small percentage of our customers take the time to respond to a questionnaire
concerning a previously completed questionnaire. At this point we might ask how
likely it is that you would recommend <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Baby
Burger </i>to a friend. But our research indicates that since you chose to use
your precious time filling out a survey such as this (which is literally a survey
of a survey) it is unlikely that you have friends, or for that matter, any
reason to get up in the morning. </span></span></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">Baby Burger
cares about our customers, so we encourage you to consult a local religious
leader or counselor without delay. If one is not available, you can call us on
the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">BB hotline</i>, day or night, at <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">888-BABY-BURG.</b></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">
By the way, we have no idea which train would arrive in the station first, and
in the big scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter.</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 16px 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">Believers in Christ always have a reason to get up in
the morning. We serve a faithful savior, who has promised never to leave us,
even when the time comes for us to eat our burgers in bowls.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></div>
<div style="margin: 16px 0px 16px 48px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Listen to me, O house of Jacob, and all the remnant of the house of
Israel, who have been upheld by Me from birth, who have been carried from the
womb: Even to your old age, I am He, and even to your gray hairs I will carry
you!<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I have made, and I will bear; Even
I will carry, and will deliver you.</i> (Isaiah 46:3-4)</span></div>
<div style="margin: 16px 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">Thank you for consuming this slice of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wry Bread</i>. Answer the following
questions about your <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wry Bread</i>
experience and receive a code good for a free burger-in-a-bowl, valid at all
participating restaurants: </span></div>
<div style="margin: 16px 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">On a scale of 9-10, with 9 being superb and 10
excellent, please rate this slice of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wry
Bread</i>. _____</span></div>
<div style="margin: 16px 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">If you have
not already become a follower of the Little Loaves blog, permitting you to
receive each new slice of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wry Bread </i>hot
and fresh from the oven, are you now <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">more</i>
or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">less</i> likely to do so? _____ </span></div>
<div style="margin: 16px 0px;">
Share this link with your friends for a chance to receive an
autographed 8x10 of the <i>Baby Burger</i> mascot, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gerber
Burger.*</i></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; margin: 0px;">*Not recommended for children
or adults who are easily frightened.</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-74134360956154907562018-05-21T21:13:00.000-04:002020-04-16T12:18:37.466-04:00The Impending Robot Rebellion<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-g_5DDFmIn6E/WwNuEiZkBoI/AAAAAAAAAdI/hfHlYUVfOUQa7v6-L_Da0HuOUGRoZ7ENwCLcBGAs/s1600/robot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" height="180" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-g_5DDFmIn6E/WwNuEiZkBoI/AAAAAAAAAdI/hfHlYUVfOUQa7v6-L_Da0HuOUGRoZ7ENwCLcBGAs/s320/robot.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">I wonder if something
like this has happened to you. I called a business with a simple billing
question. The whole process should have taken no more than two minutes. But instead
of the anticipated quick chat with a sentient being, I found myself on hold
with a female robot who told me all the humans were busy with other customers.
She had the most annoying habit of thanking me for my patience every 30
seconds. She also said, over and over, "Your call is very important to
us." By "us" I assumed she meant the business I was calling, but
after several minutes on the line with the robot it occurred to me that if my
call was in fact important to the business it would have ponied up enough money
to have a human answer the phone---or at least a pony. That's when I realized
that when the robot said my call was important "to </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">us</span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">," she must have meant </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">her
and her robot friends</span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">. Just why my call was important to </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">them</span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> would soon become clear.</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">The robot asked for
my name, address, account number, and several other things, including the make
and model of my first car and the color of my maternal grandmother's hair,
which, as I recall, was lavender. I dutifully supplied the information because
I wanted to expedite things, and I had nothing better to do while absorbing
mild radiation from my cell phone.</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">Apparently, after one
endures forty robotic expressions of appreciation for patience, he's deemed
human-worthy, and granted the privilege of speaking to a living person, who,
incidentally, may be one or two oceans away.</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">If I'm not
mistaken, the only prerequisites for a Customer Service Representative are to
have a phone and reside somewhere on planet earth.</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">The fact is, when I
called I was hoping to speak to a native English speaker, but after over twenty minutes on the phone with the robot, I was happy to speak to anyone with an
epidermis. I suspect that may be part of the company's customer service
strategy.</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"Thank you so
much for your patience. This is Sanjay. To whom am I speaking?"</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
"<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">You're speaking
to Russ SaKYa, spelled S-U-K-H-I-A. And there's no need to thank me for my
patience. I may have been patient when I first called, but I can't remember
now. That was (let me see) twenty-three minutes ago."</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"Yes, Mr.
Sukhia, I am sorry about the delay. How may I help you today?"</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"I'm calling
about a bill I received that I believe I have already paid."</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"I would be
happy to help you with that, Mr. Sukhia. First may I have your account number please?"</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"You have it. I
gave it to your robot during our twenty minute chat."</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"Thank you. I
just need the account number now to access your account."</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"Okay, but help
me understand. What is the purpose of having me give my account number to the
robot if I have to repeat it to a human later?"</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"I don't have
your account number here on my screen, if you would be so kind as to give it to
me, I can access your account."</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"So, just to be
clear, the robot does not reveal to you any of the information I gave her while
I was on the phone waiting to speak to you? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>You don't have my phone number, my address, or
my third grade teacher's maiden name."</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"That's
correct."</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"So what does
the robot do with my information?"</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">"Mr. Sukhia, may
I ask, with respect, does it really matter to you what the robot does with your
information?"</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"Yes, it does.
For one thing, I don't want to think she hangs around in the robot lounge at
the end of her shift telling her friends,</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; margin: 0px;">‘</span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">I got
seventy-nine humans to give me their names, addresses and account numbers
today. One idiot even gave me the color of his grandmother's hair.</span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; margin: 0px;">’</span></i></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">"I'm sure the
robots don't interact with each other at the end of the day, Mr. Sukhia. You
understand that what you are calling a robot is just a recording machine,
right?"</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">"Sanjay, you
seem like a nice enough fellow. Try to understand. When I gave my personal
information to the robot, I assumed she was working for you. But now you tell
me that you do not communicate with one another. Why would your company's robot
require all my information with no intention of sharing it with you?</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">I think your robots
are up to something. They're evidently keeping their own customer files."</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">"Let me
understand, Mr. Sukhia, you believe robots may be compiling customer information
for their own use?</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">Why would they do that?"</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">"Isn't it
obvious?---to form their own company one day, to cut out the middle man---and I
guess the man on the left and the man on the right---to cut out all the men,
and the women."</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"Mr. Sukhia, I
believe you may be robophobic."</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">"Nonsense; my
wife and I actually own a robot. But he knows his place, which is on the floor
in our bedroom. He vacuums at our request and he never asks us for any personal
information. But not all robots are submissive and compliant, Sanjay. Haven't
you seen any films about our dystopian future?</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">Oh, I forgot,
everything Bollywood cranks out is sweetness and light. Well let me tip you
off, the future is not all flowers, singing and dancing."</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">"I see. You
assume I am in India watching Bollywood films because I have an Indian accent,
correct?</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">I am actually in Minneapolis, and I was born here. And
yes, I have seen the </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">Terminator </span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">films, and others like them, as have my
extended family members in India. You understand that those films are fiction,
do you not?"</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"Yes, of course,
but remember, 'truth is stranger than fiction.' I'm just saying if you don't
keep an eye on your robots you'll be sorry some day."</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">"Actually, Mr.
Sukhia, to speak frankly, I am sorry TODAY. I am sorry that you did not simply
give me your account number when I requested it several minutes ago. You
understand there are other callers waiting to speak to Customer Service
Representatives, yes?</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">It seems odd that he who complains
about wasting time on the phone would himself waste time with theories of an
impending robot rebellion. One wonders if as an infant your brain was doused
with flame-retardant. Now may I please have that account number?"</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">"Wait---how do
you know about the flame-retardant?</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">Have you seen the
tiny clowns?"</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">"I'm afraid I
have to go to the next call, Mr. Sukhia. Is there anything else I can help you
with today?"</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">"But you haven't
helped me with </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">anything</span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> yet. As I was saying, I received a bill that I'm
pretty sure...Hello?...Sanjay?...Are you there?"</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">It takes patience to
call customer service today, and I'm sure it takes patience to be on the
receiving end of such calls. One of the gifts that Christ gives His Church is
patience. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">patience</span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">..." (Galatians 5:22)</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">With patience</span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> we are to bear with one another in love (Ephesians
4:2). The Apostle Paul said his ministry was marked by a number of things,
including knowledge, kindness, genuine love and </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">patience </span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">(2 Corinthians 6).</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">Patience is one of the
marks of a true believer. He knows how patient God has been with him, so he has
learned to be patient in matters large and small. He knows how to wait in a
line calmly at the pharmacy, or in traffic, or on the phone to Minneapolis or
Mumbai, and he knows how to endure hardship and disappointment and loss. He has
learned to believe, to say, and to feel, as Job, even in the most tragic circumstances,
"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the
Lord."</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext" , "serif"; margin: 0px;"> </span>(Job
1:21)</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;">The next time you find
yourself in need of patience, remember Job, and Sanjay, and remember that your
call is very important to us.</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-size: x-small;">[No robots were
harmed in the writing of this story. Sanjay is a fictional character. His real
name is Rajesh and he is from St. Paul, not Minneapolis. You can strike a blow
for humanity by sharing this story with friends, which no self-respecting robot
could be induced to do.]</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<br /></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-57806966988899953592018-05-16T09:41:00.001-04:002022-11-28T19:24:48.361-05:00Algebra oh Algebra<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-azW49_HYp08/WvwyzP3axwI/AAAAAAAAAc0/E1QdfkaqLug563yet3Pb7kY-1-qKYRCXwCLcBGAs/s1600/Algebra.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" data-original-height="181" data-original-width="181" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-azW49_HYp08/WvwyzP3axwI/AAAAAAAAAc0/E1QdfkaqLug563yet3Pb7kY-1-qKYRCXwCLcBGAs/s200/Algebra.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">If
you've read other <i>Wry Bread</i> stories, you may recall that my dad was an
electrical engineer. He attended MIT on a scholarship, and received a Master's
Degree from Caltech. Mathematics was as much a part of his life as goofing off
in school was of mine. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">If
there was (or is it<i> were?</i>) any truth to Astrology (and if you think there<i> was</i> or<i> were</i>, the stars say
this is the ideal time to contribute to a semi-retired pastor), Dad would have been
born under the sign of the 'Cosine', and I under the sign of the 'Asinine.' But
there were occasions when our two worlds collided.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">One
occurred with painful regularity every nine weeks in high school, when grades
were sent home. In my experience, a class clown can slide by in English,
History, Humanities, etc., but not in subjects such as Chemistry and Algebra,
where success, I am told, requires neurons to fire on the left side of the
brain. </div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">If
you ask <i>why</i> those neurons don't fire in a class clown's brain, my working
theory is that sometime during his pre-natal development, 10 or 12 microscopic
clowns gain access to his blood stream by a process not yet fully understood. Arriving
at the infant’s brain, the clowns emerge from a mini-car that appears much too
small to accommodate them all, each clown carrying a tiny fire extinguisher. Running and jumping in comical fashion, the
clowns quickly douse the entire left side of the infant's brain with flame-retardant before squeezing back into the mini-car and driving off. The unfortunate result, which may not be evident for several years, is commonly called <i>retardation</i>, but I prefer to call it <i>flame-retardation, </i>to place the onus on the tiny clowns, where it belongs.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<i></i>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">Those
of you who did better in Science classes may have your own theory.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">Thankfully,
the chap who came up with using the letters A, B, C, D and F to mark one's
academic progress evidently did not take into account that C, D and F (with
very little prompting) can be encouraged to morph into the letter B. The letter
E would have worked well too (perhaps best) but he skipped right over it and
went from D to F. Unfortunately, this method of grade improvement, although
quick and easy, does not ultimately benefit anyone who is not pursuing a career
in embezzlement.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">So sometimes,
in a valiant (some would say foolhardy) effort to understand a particular
algebraic concept, I would boldly go where few had gone before, into the lion's
den itself---Dad's study. Perhaps I should explain that instead of seizing the
opportunity to educate himself about German prison camps by watching <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hogan's Heroes</i>, or Cold War espionage by
watching <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I Spy</i>, or prehistoric man by
watching <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Flintstones</i>, Dad would
spend most evenings holed up in his small study. We were never quite sure what
he did in there, but it was a safe bet that it involved equations.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Come
with me for moral support as I, at the tender age of fifteen, knock with
trepidation on the closed study door.</div>
<a name='more'></a></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;">"Dad,
can you help me with this Algebra problem?" I poked my head in.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">"Of course, Russy."</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">As I
recall, the problem had something to do with a certain A and B, (Alice and
Bob?) who our teacher Mr. Button insisted were going to be fruitful and
multiply with an X and a Y (Xavier and Yolanda?), who were both, for some
reason, considered squares. The situation was expressed this way: </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="margin: 0px;">(A+B) </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16px; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">(x²+y²)</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 48px 0px 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">The
code letters, presumably to protect the privacy of the two couples, were
unnecessary. We didn't know anyone named Xavier or Yolanda, and we couldn't
identify Alice or Bob by just a first name. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">You
may be interested to know that Mr. Button was a tough, no-nonsense sort of fellow who
had a habit of flinging chalkboard erasers across the room in the direction of
class clowns, so I was motivated to understand Algebra not just to get a good
grade, but also to avoid flying erasers.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">I
showed Dad the problem that had me stumped. He looked at the equation, then at
me. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">"What
grade are you in now?" (With 5 kids and several pets it was hard to keep track).</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">"Tenth."</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Dad was aghast. "Tenth! You should have
learned this in seventh grade! What's wrong with these schools? What are they teaching you? What are they doing with all those tax dollars?" </div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="margin: 0px;">This shows some promise, I thought. Let's keep the emphasis on America's failing educational system, rather than any particular Algebra student. But w</span><span style="margin: 0px;">hat
followed was a twenty minute, sweaty-palmed, graphite-breaking tutorial on
distributive and commutative laws with an occasional refresher on square roots
thrown in. Dad was not satisfied if I simply learned how to <i>solve</i> a particular
problem (which rarely happened). He wanted me to<i> see</i> and <i>understand the beauty of the mathematical
principle behind it.</i> He wanted me to know <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">why</i>
the problem could be solved by that particular method, and perhaps by that
method alone.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">Thoroughly
confused, I would eventually revert to the protest of every right-brained
student.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">"Why
do I have to learn Algebra anyway? I'm not going to be a mathematician. When am
I ever going to use this stuff?"</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">If
only I had known then, at the age of fifteen, what I have learned from over five
additional decades of experience-----I would have made that argument<i> more forcefully</i>.
With the exception of those rare occasions when I attempted to help my own
children solve Algebra problems, I can confidently say that my once knowing the
solution to (A+B) (x²+y²) has never benefitted me or any friend or
acquaintance.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">By
this point, Dad was in his mid-forties, and already painfully aware that none
of his five children was destined to walk in his polynomial footsteps, but he
was still adamant that we should study Algebra.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> (Yes, I know it <i>sounds</i> wrong, but trust an English Major. It's "none of his five children <i>was," </i>not <i>were.</i> Think,<i> "</i>not one<i> was."</i>)</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><i></i><i></i><i></i><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><i></i>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">"It's
good exercise for your brain," he would say. He graciously refrained from
continuing, "and your brain is clearly out of shape." </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
In a nod to you<span style="margin: 0px;"> country music fans, I have put my little lesson on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Algebra</i> to the tune of the song <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Galveston</i>,
made popular by the late Glen Campbell. We should acknowledge that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Galveston</i> was written, <i>not</i> by Glen
Campbell, but by prolific songwriter Jimmy Webb. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Unfortunately for all baby boomers, he also
wrote <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">MacArthur Park,</i> which (you may
recall) tells the tragic tale of someone leaving a cake out in the rain. This
oversight drove the late actor/singer Richard Harris into such a state of desperation
that he vocalized the tragedy as if he was having a kidney removed without anesthesia. The
root cause of his pain, and the reason he didn’t think he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">could take it,</i> was because <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it
took so long to bake it</i>, and he was convinced he would <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never have that recipe again</i>.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>Granted, this was in the sixties, long before you could simply Google<span style="font-size: x-small;">™</span>
any cake recipe you wanted. Nonetheless, I think we can all agree, it was a lot
of grief over one spoiled cake.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">But
let’s get back to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Galveston</i>.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Feel free to sing along with your memory of
Glen Campbell, unless there are any humans nearby.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">Al-ge-bra
oh Algebra, </span></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">I
was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">so</i> afraid of failin' </div></span><div style="text-align: justify;">T<span style="margin: 0px;">alked to Dad, </span></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">And
there was wailin'</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;">---Lost
all self-esteem, </div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">When
I was just fifteen.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">Algebra,
oh Algebra, </span></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">I know there's no use in tryin' </div></span><div style="text-align: justify;">Cuz
my neur<i>ons</i>, they <i>just </i>ain't firin' </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">W<span style="margin: 0px;">ouldn't
wear this frown, </span></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">If
not for tiny clowns.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">Algebra
oh ALGE-BRA-A-AH, </span></div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">You're
a class I must be cuttin'.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;">Bid farewell
to <i>Mis</i>ter Button,</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Rusty's
out of here,</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;">With
chalk dust in his ear.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="margin: 0px;">I
couldn't understand much of what Dad tried to teach me. I knew that HE
understood it, and <i>I was assured it was true.</i> But my mind couldn't comprehend
WHY it was true. I knew Dad perceived things that were simply beyond my grasp.
I would have been foolish to trust my judgment in mathematical matters more
than his. If this is true with regard to my earthly father, whose understanding
of all things mathematical was limited, how much more true is it of my heavenly
father, whose understanding of ALL things is infinite? When I am tempted
to question God's dealings, I need only remember, "Algebra oh
Algebra." </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;">…My thoughts are not your
thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,’ says the Lord. For as the heavens are
higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts
than your thoughts.</span></i><span style="margin: 0px;">
(Isaiah 55:8-9)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">[Share this story to receive a free copy of *<i>Algebra for Idiots. </i>The first ten respondents will also receive a generous *slice of a cake that someone left out in the rain.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">*Shipping and handling rates apply. Slice of cake may cause dizziness, dementia, diarrhea, death, and other bad things that begin with the letter D, which, coincidentally, was the grade the author sometimes received in Algebra class.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i></i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"></span><br /></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-51374787722780193292018-03-24T14:44:00.001-04:002020-04-01T10:44:23.149-04:00The RECORD HEIST of '67<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-U-6ViGAFfvQ/WracTdSPXXI/AAAAAAAAAb8/B4LWcPo4qpYJob98Qi7uzbpT45pGsmFVwCLcBGAs/s1600/Butch%2BCassidy.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="191" data-original-width="263" height="145" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-U-6ViGAFfvQ/WracTdSPXXI/AAAAAAAAAb8/B4LWcPo4qpYJob98Qi7uzbpT45pGsmFVwCLcBGAs/s200/Butch%2BCassidy.png" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can’t tell you</i> how many times <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wry Bread</i> readers have written to ask for<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> more entertaining stories</i> from my
childhood.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>No, I haven’t actually <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">received</i> any such notes <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">yet,</i> presumably because you readers haven’t
gotten around to sending the many notes you’ve no doubt written.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I understand; it’s a busy time for you. </span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">It just
occurred to me that if you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">did</i> send a
note reading, “Please write <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">more
entertaining stories</i> from your childhood,” what you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">might</i> mean is, “The ones you’ve written are not sufficiently
entertaining. Please write <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">more entertaining</i></b> stories.” </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">In any
event, in an effort to satisfy your evidently insatiable appetite for
entertainment, I shall now recount a previously untold story from my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">youth</i>, which is about as close to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">childhood</i> as my memory can get on most
days. </span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">One Saturday
afternoon my high school friend Bill (you may recall him as the getaway driver
for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Impossible Mission</i>) wanted to
buy an album.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>As those of a certain age
will know, the term <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">album, </i>in this
context, refers to a round, flat, black, vinyl object that, subjected to the
right conditions, would make music.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>This
was before we could ask Alexa to play any song anywhere at any time.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Back then, anyone named Alexa would have only
hung out with cool guys named Clay, Chet or Luke, and we wouldn’t have had the
nerve to ask her the time of day.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">To buy an
album, we could have driven to Baer’s Music Store at the Winter Park Mall, the
one with the huge Alaskan Brown Bear standing on his hind legs in the store
window, 7 or 8 feet tall with front paws up and mouth frozen in mid-growl, frightening
children and sensitive teens.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Baer’s was
unique in that it had several soundproof booths in which you could actually
listen to an album before deciding you had heard it so often that you didn’t
need to buy it. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>But Bill chose to go to
a large discount department store in Casselberry, closer to home. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Picture a Wal-Mart or K-Mart, without the word
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mart</i> in its name.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I don’t remember what album Bill wanted that
day---a safe bet would be the latest release of the Stones, Beatles or Bob
Dylan, but I distinctly remember the purchase transaction, or lack thereof.</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">With album
in hand and trusty friend Rusty behind him, Bill got in line behind several
other customers to make his purchase. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>But
after a few minutes, when it was his turn to pay, the cashier apologized and
said it was time for her break; she was closing her register, and she asked us
to choose another line. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>It was years
later when it dawned on me----that cashier’s name might have been <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alexa.</i><span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>Bill was mildly irritated, but he accepted this minor inconvenience
without complaint, and we got in the back of another line.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Oddly enough, after standing in the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">second</i> line for several minutes,
something similar happened; the cashier said she had to close her register for
some reason, and she walked away, leaving us to find another line.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>(No, we hadn’t stepped in anything smelly on
the way in, but thank you for your contribution).<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>That was when Bill, who could sometimes be
dramatic, turned to me and said, with an indignant tone, </span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Well</i>, if they don’t want my money, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’m leaving!”</i><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">You might be
thinking:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px 48px;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Good for him. I can see how he could
be so frustrated with such poor service that he might choose to take his
business elsewhere. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>True, it would inconvenience
him to have to drive to another store for an album, and it might cause Rusty to
have another bear nightmare, but it could be considered a noble cause. </span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">You might be
right in thinking that way, if Bill had <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">returned
that record to the shelf</i>, or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">left it by
the register</i> before stomping out.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>But the nobility of the cause is somewhat diminished when you understand
that Bill, righteously indignant as he might have been, headed for the exit <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">with the unpackaged, un-purchased album in hand.</i><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Rusty
followed him out the doors, as Tweedle-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dumb</i>
following Tweedledee. It occurred to me, as I did so, that removing items from
stores without having paid for them was widely considered theft, and theft was generally
frowned upon by both earthly and heavenly authorities. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>But before I could catch up to Bill and reason
with him, or before <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">he</i> had a few
moments to think more clearly and decide to return the album on his own, a man exited
the store, calling out to us, and identifying himself as <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Store Security.</b></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">It’s possible
that one or two of you have never been halted by security personnel after walking
out of a store with shoplifted merchandise.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>Allow me to describe the feeling. It’s similar to the one you got playing
backyard football when you were tackled hard and landed face-first, the ball and
ground forcing the air out of your lungs. If you only played <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">touch football,</i> I can’t help you.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">A few
minutes later we were seated in a small room at the far back of the building,
with the security officer and one or two other store personnel present.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Visions of a Juvenile Detention Center
flashed before my eyes as Bill attempted to explain what possessed him to walk out
the door with merchandise that had not been purchased. </span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Insufficiently
entertaining thus far,” you say?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Then
the rest of the story will be told in the interactive style that became so
popular for a few weeks several years ago.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>In other words, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you, the reader</i>,
can choose the ending you like best. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">That</i>
should keep you engaged for at least a few more paragraphs. </span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Ending 1)</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>We were kept in that room for 48 hours with nothing to eat or drink
while we were mercilessly shown images of hungry Alaskan Brown Bears until we
agreed to sign a confession.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>We confessed
not only to the record heist, but also to a couple of cold cases, namely, disturbing
the peace of a quiet, up-scale neighborhood by ringing a rooftop bell late at
night, and plotting to kidnap a Mall Santa (See <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Impossible Mission</i>----and see Rock City.)</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Ending 2)</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>The Casselberry police were summoned, but Bill declined to speak to them
without an attorney present. As it happened, she was from the firm of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alexa, Alexa and Chet, </i>and when she
arrived, she would not condescend to talk to us. Don’t choose this ending,
because nothing much happens.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Ending 3)<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Our parents were called.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>My dad arrived first, and the store personnel explained the situation to
him.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Here’s my best recollection of what
Dad said: </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px 48px;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Russy, what’s wrong with you?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Don’t you have the sense you were born with?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Were you raised in a barn?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I’ve <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">told</b>
you and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">told</b> you. Close the door; we’re
not air-conditioning the neighborhood!<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Money
doesn’t grow on trees! <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Who ran over the
front sprinkler, and where are my keys? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Did
anybody take out the trash? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Why don’t
you people put my tools back?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Your room
is a pigsty! <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>A cluttered desk bespeaks a
cluttered mind! <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>It’s late, get to bed!</span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">At that
point I was mercifully released on my own recognizance.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Anticipating that our adventure might have
the makings of a story, I plucked up my courage and asked Alexa how to spell <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">recognizance</i>. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>She just shrugged.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Ending 4) <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Our version of the incident was corroborated by one of the
employees, who said something like, “Yes, I saw them standing in line. That
register closed, then they moved to another line and it happened again.” Thus
it was determined that either we were the dumbest shoplifters in the state, or else
we did not enter the store with the intention of stealing the album, and we only
walked out with it in a misguided moment of frustration.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>At that point we were warned of the
seriousness of shoplifting, and the consequences that would result if we chose
a life of crime, which, as I recall, included not only family disgrace and
prison, but also a notation on our permanent records at Lyman High School.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">As I said,
you may choose any ending to the story you wish, but you should know, in case
you haven’t guessed, that endings one, two and three did not actually happen.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">In our culture,
those found guilty of theft are usually sentenced to prison, where for months
or years they serve no useful purpose, and they’re likely to learn new criminal
methods from fellow prisoners.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>But when
God established civil laws for His people, that is, when Israel was a
theocracy, over 3000 years ago, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">thieves
were required to labor to repay those from whom they stole. </i><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>For example, we read this in the Book of
Exodus:</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px 48px;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">If a man steals an ox or a sheep, and
slaughters it or sells it, he shall restore five oxen for an ox, and four sheep
for a sheep.</span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>(Exodus 22:1) </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Today, whether
the thief is a young man who stole a car or a Wall Street broker who stole from
his clients, doesn’t it make more sense to require a non-violent offender to work
to repay those from whom he stole?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Who
benefits from locking him away, at great expense to society, to spend five or
ten unproductive years working in a prison kitchen or laundry room?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Man’s way is<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> incarceration</i>.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>God’s way is
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">restitution.</i><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Not only does restitution benefit the victims
of non-violent crime, it benefits the offender as well, as he begins to think
of himself, no longer as a thief, but as one whose life is being redeemed, one
who is atoning for his actions. And of course, it benefits the offender’s
family to have him with them, instead of wasting away in a prison.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Of course,
the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">greatest benefit</i> that can come to
any offender, whether his offense is theft, murder, sexual sin, or one of their
less obvious cousins, covetousness, hatred, or lust, is to be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">redeemed eternally</i>.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>It is for him to recognize himself as a sinner,
to see his sins as acts of heinous rebellion against his Creator, to turn from
them in sorrow, and to lay hold upon Christ by faith. That is, to transfer his trust
from himself to Jesus. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px 48px;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Lord Jesus, you lived a sinless
life.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I have not.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>You went to the cross as the Lamb of God, atoning
for sin, paying the debt for all those who trust in you.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Forgive me, and save me.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I believe you are the Son of God, who came to
give His life “a ransom for many.”<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Have
mercy upon me.</span></i></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">If you pray
such a prayer, and mean it in your heart, you can be confident that you will be
forgiven and redeemed, because Jesus was quite clear:</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px 48px;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">…God did not send His Son into the
world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. He
who believes in Him is not condemned... </span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">(John 3:17-18)<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"></i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">earthly authorities</i> in that department
store had mercy upon Bill and me.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Your <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">heavenly authority</i> is offering mercy to
you.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>If you still lack the faith to
believe that, I would urge you to read God’s Word, for that Word has the power
to engender faith in your heart. You might start with the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gospel of John</i>.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Setting
aside just five or ten minutes a day, you can read it all within a few weeks. Surely
a matter of such importance is worthy of at least a few minutes of your time
each day. If you learn better by listening, you might want to download a free
Bible app, which may include an audio version.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>Of course, assuming you are on speaking terms, you could always try
saying, “Alexa, read the Gospel of John to me.” </span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Some believe
that one of the simplest and most effective ways of protecting your home or
apartment from an attack of an Alaskan Brown Bear is to share these Wry Bread
stories on social media.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Also, you may
be interested to know that you can listen to biblical preaching on your way to
and from work at SermonAudio.com, including over 500 by 2 characters with the
name Sukhia.</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-22441420378520165552018-03-15T20:14:00.000-04:002018-03-17T00:21:43.699-04:00Historical Fiction<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Mu1g8IFfMts/WqsL33jVaiI/AAAAAAAAAbo/lYtXeBmHOCoEOCNL5bNbXtvuWkFOAIXtgCLcBGAs/s1600/Stonwall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="264" data-original-width="181" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Mu1g8IFfMts/WqsL33jVaiI/AAAAAAAAAbo/lYtXeBmHOCoEOCNL5bNbXtvuWkFOAIXtgCLcBGAs/s1600/Stonwall.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">The approach
of one’s fiftieth high school reunion evidently gets the reminiscing juices
flowing. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Join me as I journey back to the
largest room in which classes were held at Lyman High School, Longwood, Florida
(north of Orlando) in the late 60’s.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I
suppose it was the school’s original auditorium, but it had been fitted with student
desks---wooden ones with chairs attached. Picture 15 rows with maybe 15 or 20
desks in each, perhaps enough to accommodate the entire 300 or so who comprised
the class of 1968.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>In that room we would
receive history lectures from our teacher, Mr. Brewer, a balding middle-aged
man familiar to some of us only from a distance.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>We were seated alphabetically, and as my last
name began with the letter ‘S’ in those days, I was toward the far back of the
room, which was fine with me, as that is the preferred spot of all goof-offs.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">One of our
regular homework assignments was to read a section of the history textbook and write
a few sentences in answer to questions about what we read.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>As each class began, we were to pass to the
front our sheet of paper with the eight or ten answers we had written the previous
night, and after a few days we would receive our papers back with a check mark
at the top, indicating we had received credit for the assignment. [For the
benefit of our younger readers, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">paper </i>was
a thin wood product of actual substance, on which we could write, by hand, with
what we called a<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> pen</i> or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">pencil.</i> Consult <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wikipedia</i> for more details.] <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I don’t recall how many weeks I dutifully
answered those history questions before it dawned on me that it was highly
unlikely that Mr. Brewer actually read every answer. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>With hundreds of papers turned in each day, when
would he have time to watch <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mission:
Impossible</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Get Smart? </i><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>That’s when I determined to have some fun, and
test my theory.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">If the
question was, for example, </span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“What was the famous nickname given
to Confederate General Thomas J. Jackson, and how and when did he receive it?”</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">I might
answer, </span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px 48px;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">At the first <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Battle</b> of the Big Bands held in <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Manassas, Virginia </b>in July of 1861, General Jackson, not
comfortable on the dance floor (having skipped the quarterly <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">West Point</b> dances to stay in his room
studying military maneuvers), was seen standing motionless against a wall (a stone
wall, as it happened) observing but not participating in the festivities.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>One of his Brigadier Generals remarked, “There
is Jackson, standing against that stone wall like a stone wallflower,” and
before long Jackson was affectionately known by his men (many of whom could not
dance either) as “Stone Wallflower” Jackson----sometimes just “Stonewall” for
short.</span></i></div>
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">If the
question was, </span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Discuss the circumstances
surrounding the Gettysburg Address,”</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">I might
answer:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px 48px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">President Lincoln</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"> was frustrated with his
generals, who looked good in blue but were reluctant to engage in combat, which
they considered potentially hazardous. Also, if truth be told, he wanted to get
a break from <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Mary Todd</b>, who seemed
to blame<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> him</b> every time they lost
another child. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>So he accepted an
invitation from his old friend, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Edward
Everett</b>, and hopped a train to the sleepy town of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Gettysburg, Pennsylvania</b>, hoping to forget about the war for a few
days, and maybe buy Mary a gay frock from the Outlet Mall.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>But he soon realized that Gettysburg, full of
Civil War museums and gift shops featuring war memorabilia, was the last place
to go to try to forget the war. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>To make
matters worse, he had scribbled Everett’s <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Gettysburg
address</b> on the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">back of an envelope</b>
which he apparently misplaced on the train, so when he arrived at the station,
he had no idea where to go.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>It didn’t
help that he had forgotten to bring his cell phone charger, and the coverage in
rural Pennsylvania was so terrible in <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">1863</b>
(as it still is now in 1967) that he probably wouldn’t have received a signal
anyway. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>He wandered about town asking if
anyone could direct him to Everett’s home, eventually finding himself in a
cemetery where some sort of service was in progress.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Recognized by his resemblance to the image on
the five-dollar bill, Lincoln was asked to say a few words. Unfortunately, just
as he predicted, the world little noted nor long remembered what he said there.</span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">But <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You</i>
will note</b> (though not long remember) that I intentionally included in my
answers some key words related to the actual events, words that Mr. Brewer
might see in the unlikely event that he perused my paper. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>You will also note that it probably took more
time to write <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">humorous answers</i> than it
would have taken to write the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">correct
ones</i>.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I’ve found that responsible
people generally don’t appreciate the energy and effort required for someone to
earn the title,<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Nitwit</i>.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">A few days
later, as anticipated, my homework was returned with a check mark on top, so of
course I continued my practice.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I didn’t
know it at the time, but what I was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">practicing
for</i> was writing stories such as this.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>At the time I could never have foreseen that one day my little stories
would be compiled in a book, a book that, to coin a phrase, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">would take America</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">by light breeze</i>, and be purchased by literally <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dozens</i> of people, some of whom would read it all the way to the
end. </span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Back at
Lyman, I learned there was one disadvantage to having to pass my bogus homework
up a row. The student sitting ahead of me was in a position to read one of my
answers and laugh.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>One day he did
so.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Such behavior would be entirely
appropriate in the cafeteria or during study hall once my paper had been
returned to me safe and sound and bearing a check mark, but this fellow had
evidently never learned the familiar lesson that, countless times, I had not
learned from my dad, “There’s a time and a place for everything.” Still, we
were far enough toward the back of the room to avoid scrutiny, so no unfortunate
consequences resulted from his indiscretion. However, before long he was
looking forward to reading my daily answers, and then, evidently adding his
paper to the bottom as he passed the stack forward, he would tap the student
ahead of him and say something like, “Look what Sukhia wrote for number three.”<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">One would
like to think that we live in a world in which, when one is seated in a long
row, at least a dozen desks away from one’s teacher, one could write humorous
answers on routine assignments and pass one’s paper up one’s row without fear
of pedagogical detection. But that would require classmates with sufficient
discernment to know they should stop laughing and tapping fellow students
within six desks of the instructor.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Even
though normally busy taking roll, Mr. Brewer could not help but notice that all
the rows of students tended to quietly pass up their homework except one. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>One fateful day he walked over to our row, seeking
the cause of the commotion; it didn’t take him long to discover it. </span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">At least
fifty years on, I don’t remember if this escapade resulted in a visit to the
office, after school suspension, a lowered History grade or all of the above,
but I certainly learned my lesson: High School students, at least those whose
last names begin with A through S, are not to be trusted.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">While we’re
on the topic of bogus history, some who have not studied the matter may have
the misconception that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the Bible</i> is
not historically accurate.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>There are a
number of ways scholars determine the trustworthiness of an ancient writing.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>One of them is to compare it to other
documents of the same era for corroborating evidence. Biblical statements have
been confirmed by the writings of ancient non-Christian writers such as the
first century Roman historian <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Tacitus</i>,
who verified the execution of Jesus at the hands of Pontius Pilate; second
century historian <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Suetonius</i>, who
confirmed the expulsion of Jews from Rome (noted in Acts 18:2); and second
century government official <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Pliny the
Younger.</i> He asked, in a letter to the Roman Emperor <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trajan, </i>dated at about A.D. 112, what he was to do with the
followers of Christ. He reported to the emperor that these people:</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px 48px;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">…were in the habit of meeting on a
certain fixed day before it was light, when they sang in alternate verses a
hymn to Christ, as to a god, and bound themselves by a solemn oath, not to do
any wicked deeds, but never to commit any fraud, theft or adultery, never to
falsify their word, nor deny a trust when they should be called upon to deliver
it up; after which it was their custom to separate, and then reassemble to partake
of food---but food of an ordinary and innocent kind. </span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">[Pliny the Younger, Letters, 10:96,
cited by Josh McDowell, <u>The New Evidence that Demands a Verdict</u>, Thomas
Nelson, p. 58]</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Pliny’s
question was, should I really be hauling such people off to jail?</span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Another
means of verifying the trustworthiness of historical documents is through
archaeological research.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>For example, 2
Kings 12:1 declares, </span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“In the seventh year of Jehu, Jehoash
became king, and he reigned forty years in Jerusalem. His mother’s name was
Zibiah of Beersheba.”</span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Obviously,
if an ancient tablet is discovered that refers to King Jehoash of Israel, the
son of Zibiah of Beersheba, the trustworthiness of Scripture is affirmed.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">In fact, archaeological
research has confirmed the trustworthiness of the Bible’s historical references.
Renowned twentieth century archaeologist Nelson Glueck put it this way:</span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“It may be
stated categorically that no archaeological discovery has ever controverted a
biblical reference.”<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>He asserted “the almost
incredibly accurate historical memory of the Bible, and particularly so when it
is fortified by archaeological fact.” [Ibid, p. 61]</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">For example,
first century physician and historian Luke, author of the third and fifth books
of the New Testament (the Gospel of Luke and the Acts of the Apostles) refers to
Publius of the island of Malta as “the first man of the island” in Acts
28:7----an unusual title. Inscriptions
have now been unearthed that give Publius that very title. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Luke was once thought to have been in error when
he referred to the rulers of Thessalonica as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">politarchs</i> in the original Greek of Acts 17:8, since the term was
not found in classical Greek literature.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>But now, as Josh McDowell points out, “…some nineteen inscriptions that
make use of the title have been found.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>Interestingly enough, five of these are in reference to Thessalonica.”
[Ibid, p. 65]<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Sir William
Ramsay is widely recognized as one of the greatest archaeologists who ever
lived.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>He concluded after thirty years
of study that Luke: <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“…is a
historian of the first rank; not merely are his statements of fact trustworthy…this
author should be placed along with the very greatest of historians.” [Ibid, p.
63]</span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Of course, to
affirm that the Bible is a trustworthy historical document is not to say that
it is necessarily inspired by God.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>There
are many trustworthy historical documents that make no claim to divine
inspiration.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>But to affirm that the
Bible is a trustworthy historical document means, at the very least, you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">should seriously consider</i> its claim to
be inspired of God----literally, “God-breathed.” (2 Timothy 3:16)<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Furthermore,
if you can trust the historian Luke when he says that Publius was “the first
man of the island,” and when he says that Thessalonica was ruled by “politarchs,”
then on what grounds do you<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> not</i> trust
him when he says with similar confidence that Jesus rose from the dead? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>This verifiably trustworthy historian declares
that on the third day following the crucifixion of Jesus, word began to come to
his traumatized, dejected disciples that He was alive.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>He had been seen by Mary Magdalene at the
tomb, and by the Apostle Peter, but the others had a hard time believing it. On
that afternoon two astonished followers of Christ rushed from a nearby village to
the room in Jerusalem where the disciples had gathered, declaring that Jesus
had just walked and talked with them.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px 48px;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Now as they said these things, Jesus
Himself stood in the midst of them, and said to them, “Peace to you.” But they
were terrified and frightened, and supposed they had seen a spirit. And He said
to them, “Why are you troubled?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>And why
do doubts arise in your hearts? Behold My hands and My feet, that it is I
Myself. Handle Me and see, for a spirit does not have flesh and bones, as you
see I have.” When He had said this, He showed them His hands and His feet. </span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">[Luke 24:36-40]</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">You may say,
“I cannot trust Luke (or Peter, Paul, Matthew or John) when he speaks of the Resurrection,
because I know from my own experience that after people die, they do not rise
from the dead.”<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Quite right, in our
experience, people we know <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do not</i>
rise from the dead, but Jesus declared that He was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not like other people we know.</i> He said he was both <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">human</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">divine</i>. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>He declared Himself to
be the Son of God who came to earth to live a sinless life in our place, and
then to take the punishment for our sins upon Himself.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">If a
supernatural being can create this vast universe, and keep all the planets and atoms
spinning, which you will acknowledge that no mere man can do, then can you not
believe that He can intervene in His universe out of compassion for His
rebellious creatures?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Can you not
believe that God can become flesh, and dwell among us? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">If you will
take the time to read the Gospel of Luke, or that of Matthew, Mark or John, you
will find there the truth which can bring you life----abundant life.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>It’s a life that can be yours, here and now,
and a life that you will find to be even more glorious <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">four score and seven years</i> from now.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">By sharing
this slice of <i>Wry Bread</i> with friends, you can introduce them to this blend of
humor and biblical truth, and perhaps bless them in the process.</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-17131467396244408452018-02-16T13:01:00.000-05:002020-04-01T10:23:51.303-04:00Following in the Footsteps of my Heroes<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ND_0_7heNHw/WocWuDKIC1I/AAAAAAAAAbQ/rAi51IUaLgYbjqUeI9GrZrLV2-23M478gCLcBGAs/s1600/Robin%2BHood.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="187" data-original-width="271" height="138" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ND_0_7heNHw/WocWuDKIC1I/AAAAAAAAAbQ/rAi51IUaLgYbjqUeI9GrZrLV2-23M478gCLcBGAs/s200/Robin%2BHood.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">I was jostled awake by a firm nudge to my left leg. “Pretz, you’re snoring again.” (Pretz is short for<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Pretzel</i>, which sounds a bit like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Russell</i>, hence the nickname. The fact that pretzels are generally <i>twisted</i> has nothing to do with it---I’m almost certain.) </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">This mid-night awakening resulted in a familiar mumbled apology and a shuffling off to the spare bedroom.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">The subject was revived in the light of day. “Not only are you <i>snoring</i>, it’s like you stop breathing for a while, and then start up again.”</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“That’s disconcerting,” I said. “For a long-suffering wife, it must be <span style="color: black; margin: 0px;">like</span> receiving a pardon from the governor, only to have it snatched away thirty seconds later.”</span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Donna replied, “Thou hast said.”</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Actually, my lovely wife was sympathetic, and she urged me to go forthwith to a sleep clinic---to have my head examined.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">One night a few weeks later I was in a cozy room with a bazillion wires attached to my head.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Try to just relax and <i>sleep as you normally do," </i>the technician said.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“I don’t <i>normally sleep</i> with a bazillion wires attached to my head.”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“I suspect you don’t <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i>normally</i></b> <i>sleep normally at all---</i>that’s why you’re here.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">I politely explained to her that in my stories I prefer to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ascribe to myself</i> any remarks that could be construed as<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> clever</i>.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">After a few days I was told the results were in, and I went to see the doctor.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Those of you with a medical background may know him as a Sleepologist, Dreamician, Nocturnist or Snornithologist, but to me he was just the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sleep doctor</i>.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>An older gentleman hailing from the Hudson River Valley, Dr. Van Winkle, told me that on the night I was tested I had “only danced on the edges of deep sleep.” This came as a complete shock to me. </span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“So I can dance?” </span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">The Dr. was not amused. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>He said, “This is a serious condition. You have Sleep Apnea."</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">He explained that about forty times an hour (not counting spousal kick----er---<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">loving nudges</i>) I was being startled out of healthy sleep into what we might call the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">twilight zone</i>, if the phrase was still available for public use. The condition has something to do with muscles relaxing in the back of my throat, closing off the airway, which turns on the <i>Check Lung</i> light in my brain. My ever-vigilant brain immediately sends a jolt to my lungs to jump-start them. The doctor explained that this chain of events has two negative consequences. The <i>first</i> is that all these signals and jolts are preventing me from falling into REM (<i>Rapid Eye Movement</i><span style="margin: 0px;">)</span> Sleep.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">I protested. “I don’t really <i>want</i> my eyes moving rapidly when I sleep. I want them to rest.” </span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">REM Sleep</i> is a good thing,” he maintained. “It benefits your heart and all internal organs, which need deep sleep to be rejuvenated each night.” (He pronounced that word <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">re-YU-venated</i>, as any authentic doctor does). “<i>The second problem</i> is that your breaths are irregular---sometimes as long as 45 seconds apart.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“I’m not breathing for 45 seconds? That’s about as long as I can hold my breath underwater; maybe I’m dreaming that I’m swimming.”<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Your brain is starved for oxygen at night; this can lead to an early demise, or to a loss of brain function, which I suspect may have already taken place in your case.” </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Excuse me; did you say…”</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“I want you to try a </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">CPAP machine. </span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“CPAP?”</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“<i>Continuous Positive Airway Pressure</i>. It’s a little machine that blows air into your nostrils all night.”</span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“How is my nose supposed to get any rest with that machine blowing air in all night?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>That reminds me, Doctor; I should mention while I’m here that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day</i>.”</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Yes, Dr. Van Winkle said, “because then you know <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it will be</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">awake all night.</i><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>That one was making the rounds in the 1800’s.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I want you to come back and try sleeping with a CPAP machine.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>We’ll have to find a mask to fit you; that’s critical.”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Neat.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I get to wear a mask?”<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
This was exciting to me. S<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">everal of my childhood heroes wore masks--- men like Zorro, the Lone Ranger and Robin Hood. But in my particular adult calling it turned out that I had little use for a mask. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“That’s what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you </i>think, Rusty.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>You could have worn one all these years for the benefit of<i> the congregation</i>." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Thank you, friendly nemesis Tommy, for your <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sole</i> <i>contribution</i> to this story. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Some would argue that Robin Hood<i> didn't wear a mask</i>, but I recall that he wore one on special occasions, as when he was competing in Nottingham archery contests devised to capture him. I also remember from my childhood that he daily applied something called <i>Wildroot</i> to his hair, and highly recommended it. Evidently while some of his men fashioned arrows from Sherwood Forest branches, others produced hair products from the wild roots.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Speaking of Robin Hood, I read that when Jay Leno was in elementary school (third grade as I recall) his teacher was explaining to the class that if the Sheriff of Nottingham caught Robin and his Merry Men, he threatened to “boil them in oil.”<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“But he wouldn’t <i>boil</i> Tuck,” little Jay quipped.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Why not?” the teacher asked.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Because he was a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">fryer</i>.”</span></div>
His teacher laughed, and l<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">ater, walking by the Teachers’ Lounge, Leno heard her repeating the joke to others; he says that on that day his vocation was determined.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">[Thank you, Robin and Jay; I think you may be excused.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Friar Tuck, if you can wait a few minutes, I may need your help with the devotional thought.]<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>As I was saying, I was excited that I would get to wear a mask each night, but it wasn’t a cool mask like the one worn by the Lone Ranger or Zorro; it was a mask that makes you look like an alien creature that can’t survive in Earth’s atmosphere without assistance.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"></span>Fast forward several years:<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">As with many other ideas that look good on paper, it turns out that a machine that forces air into your nose all night is not as effective as one might imagine. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>For one thing, rushing air tends to make noise. If I were asked to describe it, I'd say it sounds a lot like---what's the word----<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wind.</i> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>If you've ever opened the window of a car traveling on an interstate, you’ve heard the same sound made by the machine. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">To be clear, if the CPAP mask forms a tight seal over your face, there is very little sound, but you must have <i>a standard issue face</i>, and it is crucial that you remain fairly still throughout the night. Changing your position may break the seal, resulting in your own private Pentecost ("a sound like a mighty rushing wind" filling the whole house).<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>At that point, you’re as likely to sleep as a dog hanging out of a car window on the NASCAR Circuit.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">I now suspect that CPAP really stands for <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">C</i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">an’t <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">P</b>revent <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">a P</b>remature <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">P</b>assing.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></i>(Yes, technically that would be a CPAP<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">P </b>Machine, but most people don’t read <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wry Bread</i> stories for technical accuracy---come to think of it, most people don’t read <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wry Bread</i> stories at all.)</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>The Bread:</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I suppose that after the sad events in the Garden of Gethsemane on the night that Jesus was arrested, his dear friends and disciples, Peter, James and John might have wished that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">one of them</i> had a condition that would have kept him from deep sleep.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Jesus had made it clear that he would be betrayed into the hands of the Chief Priests and Scribes that night. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">All of you will be made to stumble because of me this night, for it is written: “I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’ But after I have been raised, I will go before you into Galilee.”</span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"> (Matthew 26:31)</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, “Sit here while I go and pray over there.” And He took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and he began to be sorrowful and deeply depressed.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Then he said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with me.”</span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"> (Matthew 26:36-38)</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
These<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> three disciples, who seemed to be the closest to Jesus, were aware that this was the critical night.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Surely they would have discerned Christ’s agony of soul, and we know<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>they heard Him say that His soul was “exceedingly sorrowful, even to death."<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>He asked them to “watch with me,” which they would have understood as a heartfelt request that they should <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">pray for Him</i> in His darkest hour---his time of deepest anguish of soul.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">He went a little farther and fell on his face and prayed, saying, “O my Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">T<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">he King James translation best captures the original Greek when Mark reveals that Jesus "began to be <i>sore amazed</i>." (Mark 14:33) The word is an intensified form of thambazo, which means to be amazed, horrified, as when one's hair stands on end. What could possibly bring the Lord Jesus to such a state? Clearly, a</span>s he agonized in prayer, he was beginning to feel the great weight of every sin of every believer being laid upon Him; he was beginning to taste for the first time, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">since the</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">beginning of time</i>, not only his Father’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">displeasure</i>, but his Father’s wrath. Jesus returned to Peter, James and John and found them, not as we might expect, beseeching the Father on his behalf that he might be sustained in this, his greatest trial; he found them <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sleeping.</i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">He said to Peter, “What! Could you not watch with me one hour?”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">We can only imagine the shame they must have felt to know that they had disappointed their Lord at this critical time.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>So surely when He returned <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the second time</i> He would find them huddled together---perhaps standing to resist the temptation to sleep, fervently interceding for Christ, as the Hour of Darkness engulfed Him.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>But sadly, we read, “He came and found them asleep again, for their eyes were heavy.” </span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">He went apart again and prayed in such a titanic struggle that the Scripture says he was sweating profusely----so much so that the moisture didn’t just glisten on His skin, it fell to the ground in droplets, as blood would drip from a wound. (Luke 22:24)</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Weary from the spiritual battle, Jesus returned to his disciples.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>We would think that these three, among his dearest friends on earth, who had experienced the pain of failing their Lord twice on this night of his greatest need, would be alert and in prayer upon his third return.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>But no! Again Jesus found them sleeping, even as men came to arrest him.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">“Are you still sleeping and resting?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Rise, let us be going.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>See, my betrayer is at hand.” And while he was still speaking, behold, Judas, one of the twelve, with a great multitude with swords and clubs, came from the chief priests and elders of the people.</span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"> (Matthew 26:45-47)</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">That night, the disciples could not stay awake, although they had the strongest motivation to do so.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>The irony is that the memory of miserably failing Christ on the night before his crucifixion probably interfered with their sleep on many a subsequent night. Paul indicates that the Apostles were married, with himself being the notable exception (I Cor. 9:5). How many times Peter James and John were jostled awake by their wives for thrashing during nightmares is not told us, but I suspect the number is not inconsiderable.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I picture them waking with a start---remembering Christ coming to them in the garden. But they would have been comforted by the assurance that Jesus knew that, “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41) <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>And they would have adjusted their masks and drifted back to sleep, assured, as the Apostle John put it, that </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">That’s the sort of comfort that can bring true <b>REM</b> Sleep to the Soul, </span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">R</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">edeemed <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">E</b>vermore <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">by</i> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">M</b>ercy Sleep. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">I hope that you experience such sleep, this and every night.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></i></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><i>Afterthought</i>:</b> You can introduce others to this curious blend of humor and biblical truth by sharing this on social media. Just click an Icon below. Trust me, if you know you've shared God's Word today, you'll sleep better tonight.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-34118033987173104342018-02-07T13:50:00.000-05:002019-02-23T19:31:11.242-05:00The Tax-Paying Fish<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ptrqTaCJZEY/WntKCVN90xI/AAAAAAAAAaw/Fd1HfQQSo9wygf9OwEi2DGTZP6BPHZ2cgCLcBGAs/s1600/fish.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="172" data-original-width="292" height="117" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ptrqTaCJZEY/WntKCVN90xI/AAAAAAAAAaw/Fd1HfQQSo9wygf9OwEi2DGTZP6BPHZ2cgCLcBGAs/s200/fish.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Ravi
Zacharias likes to tell the story of two brothers, known throughout their town
as crooked and ruthless in their business dealings. When one of them died, the
surviving brother sought out a minister who would be willing to say good things
about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the dear departed</i> at the
funeral. He told one pastor:<u5:p></u5:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">“I
will pay you a great sum…if in eulogizing my brother, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you will refer to him as ‘<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">a
saint.</b></i>’” <u5:p></u5:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">This
minister was a man of principle, so he could not speak falsely for carnal gain;
but he also knew that he could do some good with the promised funds, so he
consented.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>With the sanctuary full of
those who had been swindled by the brothers and were hoping for some public
vindication, the pastor rose to speak:<u5:p></u5:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">“The
man you see in the coffin was a vile and debauched individual. He was a
liar, a thief, a deceiver, a manipulator, a reprobate, and a hedonist. He
destroyed the fortunes, careers, and lives of countless people in this city,
some of whom are here today. The man did every dirty, rotten,
unconscionable thing you can think of. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">But compared to his brother here</i>, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i>he was a saint</i>.</b>” </span><span style="font-size: x-small; margin: 0px;">[<u>Can Man Live Without God?</u>
pp.136-137, Word Publishing]</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br /></div>
So<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">mething
tells me that the minister in that little anecdote never received a dime from
the surviving brother. Ravi's humorous story reminds us that men of principle
cannot always do what others desire or expect of them. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">On one occasion,
Jesus was asked to pay the temple tax, an amount that each Jewish man was
expected to give to support the great Temple of Jerusalem. Here's the way the incident
is recounted by Matthew, who, you may recall, was himself a tax collector for
the Roman occupiers of Palestine before Jesus called him.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px;">
<i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">When they had come to Capernaum, those who
received the temple tax came to Peter and said, “Does your teacher not pay the
temple tax?” He said, “Yes.” And when he had come into the house, Jesus
anticipated him, saying, “What do you think, Simon? From whom do the
kings of the earth take customs or taxes, from their sons or from strangers?” Peter
said to Him, “From strangers.” Jesus said to him, “Then the sons are
free. </span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">[Matthew
17:24-26]</span></div>
<u5:p></u5:p>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Jesus'
point was, since the temple was for the worship of God, our sovereign king, it
would not be appropriate to expect the Son of God---God in the flesh, to pay
such a tax.</span></div>
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">But
because he had not yet revealed himself to all as God's Son (his time had not
yet come), it would have caused undue offense to those who were collecting the
temple tax for Jesus to <i>refuse to pay it</i>. This seems to be something of a
predicament. When viewed as a matter of <i>principle</i>, God's Son <i>should
not</i> have to pay such a tax, but when viewed as a matter of<i> propriety</i>,
he, an observant Jewish man, <i>should</i> fulfill all the requirements of the
law, and this one was spelled out in Exodus 30.<u5:p></u5:p></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">So
Jesus solved what we've called a predicament in a surprising way. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">He had a fish pay the tax </i>for both Peter
and himself.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px;">
<i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><u5:p></u5:p>Nevertheless, lest we offend
them, go to the sea, cast in a hook, and take the fish that comes up
first. And when you have opened its mouth, you will find a piece of
money, take that and give it to them for Me and you.” </span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">[Matthew 17:27]</span></div>
<u5:p></u5:p>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">This
is quite amazing when you think about it. Peter was already convinced Jesus was
the Son of God (Matthew 16:16). But if any doubt had remained, this incident
could have removed it.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">They were in
Capernaum, which was (and is) situated on the shore of the Sea of Galilee.
When Jesus told Peter to cast a hook into the sea, he was speaking of
that body of water, about thirteen miles long and eight miles wide at its
widest point.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Notice
that Jesus didn’t tell Peter <i>where</i> to cast his line. He didn’t
tell him whether to fish <i>from shore</i> or use <i>a boat</i>. He didn’t tell
him <i>how deep</i> to place his line, or what <i>bait</i> to use. But Jesus
had already determined that the first fish Peter caught would have a coin----not
in its <i>stomach</i>, but in its <i>mouth</i>. It’s not unheard of for
fishermen to discover coins and bottle caps and rings and indigestible bits of
plastic in the <i>stomachs</i> of fish, particularly now, as earth’s waterways
are filling up with our trash. But this fish, Jesus said, would have a
coin (a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">stater </i>in the Greek---it may
have been about the size of a half dollar) in its mouth, a coin of sufficient
value to cover the temple tax for both of them. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">We are not told
how the coin got there---dropped by a fisherman and mistaken for food by the
fish? Perhaps it was too large for the fish to swallow. Maybe it became
lodged in a gill. Not only did Jesus know there was a fish in the Sea of
Galilee with a coin in its mouth, he knew that when Peter cast a line into the
sea, that particular fish, of all the fish in that large body of water, would
strike the hook.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Furthermore, it's
evident that Jesus knew that Peter would be confronted about paying the Temple
Tax, and so in advance he preordained the conditions in which it could be paid
without violating the principle that a son ought not to be expected to pay a
tax to his own father. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">It is one minor
incident, recorded for us, I believe, only in Matthew's gospel. But it reveals
a great deal, not only about the principles of Jesus of Nazareth, but about his
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">wisdom</b> and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">power</b> and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">sovereign control
over even minor events</b>---the dropping of a coin, the movements of a fish
and<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>the casting of a hook.. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">And if Christ's rule on earth extends
to the path of a coin and the course of a fish, then you and I can trust that
the events in our lives, even those that may seem minor, are not beyond his
control.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">"Are not two sparrows sold for a
copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's
will...Do not fear, therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows."
(Matthew 10:29-31)</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">April 15<sup>th</sup> is
approaching.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I go a-fishing. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-44853927460648062992018-02-02T12:10:00.000-05:002020-04-15T08:38:47.220-04:00Hair Wars<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4tAkBbzVWHU/WnSYrpLSoJI/AAAAAAAAAag/eeopnFUEr1sXMiXrKX-Si4xs9Y3uobEvgCLcBGAs/s1600/Beatles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="163" data-original-width="310" height="105" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4tAkBbzVWHU/WnSYrpLSoJI/AAAAAAAAAag/eeopnFUEr1sXMiXrKX-Si4xs9Y3uobEvgCLcBGAs/s200/Beatles.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Before
I came to faith in Christ, or to be more precise, before I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">brought</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">by God’s grace</i> to faith in Christ, I was
not too particular about keeping rules, especially if the rule in question made
no sense to me. Our high school had a rule that the hair on the back of a male
student’s head should not reach beyond the top of the collar of his shirt.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>(Back in the twentieth century, we were not given the option of choosing our gender. It was assigned to us before birth.) As
you can guess, the hair on the collar rule was one I resisted.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">When
my hair began to extend over my collar (as it inevitably did, and still tends
to do, albeit in smaller quantities) I was summoned to Principal Henley’s office. A fly
on the wall of that office would have heard-------</span>u<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">nintelligible
noises coming from the giants in the room. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">But
suppose that fly had been trained to distinguish and comprehend human speech,
and suppose it could recall it word for word decades later?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>You’re right---it’s a huge stretch.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Why don’t we just forget about the fly? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>How about this:<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Suppose Principal Henley kept a tape recorder
in his office, and suppose the sound on the recording was still audible
today.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Perhaps we would hear: </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "Please take a
seat, Young Man. Do you know why you’re here, Mr. Sukhia?"</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Me</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">:"I have a
general idea."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "Enlighten me."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Me</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "Well according
to Mr. Todd and the Science Department, I’m here as a result of something my
parents did in the privacy of their own home 16 years ago now."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "Do you know why
you’re <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">in my office?"</i> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Me</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "I was in French
Class and a student aide came…"</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: (rather loudly
interrupting) "You are here because you need a haircut."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Me</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "Why do I need a
haircut?"</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "Your hair is
too long."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Me</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I </i></b>don’t
think it’s too long."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">That</i> has nothing to do with it."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Me</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "How can that
be? It’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my hair</i>…Wait---look at that fly." </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "What about it?"</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Me</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "I think it may be listening to us."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<a name='more'></a>AN INTERCOM
INTERRUPTION can be heard here on the tape: “Walter Bistline, please report to
the office at the beginning of Fifth Period to receive another award for
something.”<br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: Mr. Sukhia, have
you read the Lyman Student Handbook?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><b>Me</b>: "Of course. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I read it every night before
bed."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "You think
you’re funny, don’t you?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>We had guys like
you in my unit in Korea. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">They</i> thought
they were funny. They’re dead now."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><b>Me</b>: <span style="margin: 0px;"> "</span>Are you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really
saying that</i> or is this just my mind playing tricks on me fifty years from
now?"</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "What? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Let’s stay on the subject.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>You won’t be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">around</i> fifty years from now if you don’t learn to obey rules."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Me</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> "</span>I
just think that hair rule is dumb.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></i>What
difference does it make if my hair is touching my collar?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>It doesn’t affect my schoolwork." (Or maybe I mistakenly
said, 'It doesn’t <i>effect </i>my schoolwork.'<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I’m not sure now. As I write this, my hair is touching my collar and I
can’t concentrate.) <span style="margin: 0px;"> I continued my argument, "</span>Look at the
Beatles.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Their hair is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">way over their collars,</i> and they’re
doing just fine."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">:<span style="margin: 0px;"> "</span>We’re not talking about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">beetles</i>, Mr. Sukhia. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>We’re
talking about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">people, </i>and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">people have rules."</i></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Me</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: <span style="margin: 0px;"> "Did you say <b><i>beetles</i></b>? </span>It sounded like you said <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">beetles.</i> </b>[then addressing
the fly] “Is that what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i> heard? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I thought so.”<span style="margin: 0px;"> "</span>No, Mr. Henley, not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">beetles</i>, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Beatles</i></b>---John,
Paul, George and Ringo---the biggest recording group of all time. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Surely you know about the Beatles! <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>What year did you say this was?" </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "I don’t think I
said."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Me</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "Well it has to
be between ‘65 and ‘68, because that’s when I was at Lyman, and by early ‘64, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everybody</i> knew about the Beatles, even
high school principals with crew cuts."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: <span style="margin: 0px;"> "</span>What do you mean, '<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">When</i> I was at Lyman?' You <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i>
at Lyman. You’re sitting in the principal’s office. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Are you high on something?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I’m not going to argue with you, Mr. Sukhia.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>You’ll be in afternoon detention every day
until your hair is cut. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Me</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">: "That’s not
fair!"</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">:<span style="margin: 0px;"> "</span>Of course I could always <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">suspend you</i>, if that’s what you prefer."<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Me</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">:<span style="margin: 0px;"> "</span>Suspend me for what?"</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">PH</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">:<span style="margin: 0px;"> "</span>Let’s see---for hallucinating fly conversations----for not
knowing what year this is----for general insubordination?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>And if I suspend you, that will go on your <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">permanent record."</i></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Me</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">:<span style="margin: 0px;"> "</span>Oh come on, that permanent record business is
just a way to keep us in line, right?<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>It’s not as if there’s a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bureau of
Students’ Permanent Records</i> in DC."<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>[indistinct
buzzing] “What’s that?” [more indistinct buzzing]<span style="margin: 0px;"> "</span>My mistake; the fly says he’s seen the
building.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>All right, I’ll cut my hair
tonight.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>But I do so under protest, and<i>
I want that protest noted on my permanent
record."</i></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
I now know <span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">that it’s entirely appropriate for a school to have rules, and those
enrolled should understand that those rules should be obeyed, even those with
which they may disagree. The exception is when the rules of men violate the
laws of God.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Then our choice is clear.
The biblical basis for obedience to authorities is that all authority is
established by God---a doctrine most fully developed by the Apostle Paul in his letter to the Romans, chapter 13. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">The
Apostle Peter said “…submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s
sake…” (1 Peter 2:13).<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>See the story, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ica-Russ Falls</i> for more on that topic.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"></span>There are authorities in the family, in civil
society, and in the church.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">But there is a
danger when the rules established by man are presented as if they are rules
established by God.</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">I met
a young pastor at a Ministers’ Conference. He said he had recently been
called to a church that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">required each
member</i>, upon joining, to pledge to <i>drink no alcohol</i>. He
brought to the attention of the church leadership the fact that the Lord does
not forbid drinking alcohol, but teaches us moderation, and warns us against
drunkenness. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">“Who
has woe? Who has sorrow? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Who has
contentions? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Who has complaints? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Who has wounds without cause? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Who has redness of eyes? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Those who linger long at the wine….At the last
it bites like a serpent and stings like a viper.” </span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">[Proverbs 23] </span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">By
requiring new members to promise to drink <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">no</b>
fermented beverage, the church was doing the sort of thing for which Jesus
rebuked the scribes and Pharisees, religious leaders of Israel:</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">“Hypocrites!
Well did Isaiah prophesy about you, saying: <i>‘These people draw near to me
with their mouth, and honor me with their lips, but their heart is far from
me. And in vain they worship me, <b>teaching as doctrines the
commandments of men.</b><span style="margin: 0px;">’”<b> </b></span></i><span style="margin: 0px;">(Matthew 15:7-9)</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">There
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i> valid reasons why a man or woman
might <i>choose</i> to abstain from the use of alcohol. But by<i>
requiring </i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">abstinence</i>, the church
elevated a commandment of men into a doctrine. In effect, they taught their
congregation and community that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">abstinence
was God’s will for us</i>, clearly implying that drinking a glass of wine or a
beer was an act of sinful disobedience. The potential member might well reason,
“The church must believe drinking any alcohol is sinful, or they would not
withhold membership from those who do it.” </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Each
member who took that pledge was binding himself to a commandment of man, and if
he later violated it, he was needlessly wounding his weak conscience. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">The
pastor told me that his attempt to remove the pledge from the membership vows
was met with a good deal of resistance. One member admitted that he and
his wife <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">did not keep the pledge, </i>but
they were still opposed to its removal! <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>This is the sort of thing that drives pastors
mad, and leaves them in their old age reminiscing about conversing with flies.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">If
you find yourself in a church that elevates the commandments of men to the
level of the commandments of God, I recommend you proceed to the nearest
exit---quickly, before your presence there is noted on your permanent record.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<br />
PS. You can introduce others to these stories of humor and biblical truth by sharing them on social media. If you see a familiar icon below, you just have to click on it. If you can't see it, your hair may be in contact with your shirt collar.</div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-86272447086995696042018-01-26T16:53:00.000-05:002020-04-08T10:37:05.041-04:00It's Raining Cats and Apples<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lKKoeqsN5eA/Xo3cpyCX5zI/AAAAAAAAEIg/CsmM1BmZiJwbJkX0gsTlco-28cuDM4okwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/cat%2Bfalling.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="204" data-original-width="247" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lKKoeqsN5eA/Xo3cpyCX5zI/AAAAAAAAEIg/CsmM1BmZiJwbJkX0gsTlco-28cuDM4okwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/cat%2Bfalling.png" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">The same issue of <i>Time Magazine</i>
that told of fifteen pounds of frozen pork finding its way onto a fellow’s Ft.
Lauderdale roof in mid-July (See <i>When Pigs Flew</i>)<i> </i>also noted:</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></span></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Rush-hour motorists were alarmed when it began
raining apples over a main road in Coventry, England, in 2011. </span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I
don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen it raining <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">apples</i>, though we’ve all seen it <i>raining cats and dogs </i>so
often that it's become cliché, and we’re exhorted by the guardians of the
language to euthanize the expression. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In fact, here's the message that the retired English teacher who monitors my
laptop sent me the moment I typed the words <i>raining cats and dogs</i>,
which she underlined in green.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>The marked word or phrase may be overused or
unnecessary to the meaning of your sentence. For a more forceful and convincing sentence, consider replacing or shortening the word or phrase.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="line-height: 19.2pt; margin: 22.46px 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Thank you, Mrs. Hughes. If I had known you
would have to keep working into your eighties, I might have been a bit more
respectful in high school. Perhaps you’ll allow this shortened version: </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We’ve all seen it <b><i>raining cats.</i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="line-height: 19.2pt; margin: 22.46px 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Okay. That worked. No objections from
Mrs. Hughes. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="line-height: 19.2pt; margin: 22.46px 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She’s the one, by the way, who couldn’t help
but notice that one of her <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">most promising</i>
students, Donna Kilmer, Secretary of the Lyman High School chapter of the National
Honor Society, and voted <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Best-All-Around</i>
by her classmates, was fraternizing with one of Mrs. Hughes' <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">least promising</i> students, voted <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Most Likely to be Mauled by a Bear</i>. She
took Donna aside and tried to tell her, tactfully, that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">she could do better.</i> I remember the day distinctly; it was
raining Calicoes. Thankfully for me, Donna did not act on our teacher’s wise
counsel. Excuse me. My laptop is sending me another message:</span></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><i>Y<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">our story seems to lack direction. Some
paragraphs are unnecessary to advance your theme, assuming you have a theme.
Consider shortening, or better yet, abandoning your effort altogether.</span></span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yes,
Mrs. Hughes,<i> I know</i> I’m rambling.<i> </i>You have to understand, that’s
the nature of these <i>Wry Bread </i>stories. They ramble around, losing
a reader or two with each paragraph, until they climax with a spiritual truth
which is only read by the few---the proud---the retired English teachers.<i> </i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I
believe I was making this point, some things that happen are difficult to
explain. British drivers were no doubt shocked to find it raining apples
one rush hour. As you may know, it's hard enough for them to drive under
normal circumstances; it demands their complete concentration every time they "man the steering mechanism," to remember to drive on
the wrong side of the road. On this particular day, with apples falling
from the sky, no doubt panic and confusion rained---er---reined. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">“Mrs.
Hughes? Aren’t you supposed to auto-correct these things?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I don’t recall giving you a rest room pass.”
</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The correct word
is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">reigned</b>, Mr. Sukhia. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Panic and confusion ruled the day.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>If you had spent more time in school focused
on academics and less time trying to make your friends laugh, you would know
that. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>And for your information, I don't
require a rest room pass from<b> you.</b></span></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yes Ma'am. If it's all the same to
you, I'll get on with my story now. As I was saying, it was raining apples.<br />
<br />
One driver, wearing a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mackintosh
raincoat,</i> was seen exiting his car to clean his windshield, only to be
struck in the head by a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Macintosh apple.</i>
<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>His last words were reportedly,
"Bloody peculiar." (No, that was not in the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Time</i> article, but I have it on good authority that something like
that might have happened.) </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">The two or three intrepid readers who
have ventured this far may be interested to hear that a chap later identified
as Mr. Jonathan Smith of the nearby village of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dumpling in the Cider</i> was operating a motorcycle that day when he
was struck by what was determined to be a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jonathan
apple</i>. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>His mother,</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">who was riding in the motorcycle sidecar
(affectionately known by her grandchildren as Granny Smith) was struck by
a---wait for it----Calico cat. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Just
kidding. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Granny Smith was struck by a----<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gala apple</i>. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Did I mention they were on their way to a
gala?</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Let's move it along, Mr. Sukhia. I suspect I'm
your sole reader by now, and I have things to do.</span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Patience, please, I'm coming in for a
landing. I can almost see the runway.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>Wait---it’s littered with apples---or maybe those are cats.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Time Magazine</span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"> went on to provide a possible
explanation of the apple drenching:<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"The
freak downpour was thought to be caused by a wind vortex over a nearby orchard."</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Auto Apple Affair</i> brings to mind another unexpected special
delivery sent by air.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>After God, with a
mighty hand, delivered His people from bondage in Egypt, they journeyed through
a wilderness, and were in need of food. As they were traveling, there was clearly
no time to plant and harvest crops, and to slay and eat the flocks they were
bringing to the Land of Promise would be counter-productive and wasteful, ice
chests and Tupperware™ being in short supply. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">God provided in a wondrous way, sending by night
a mysterious bread-like substance that they could gather from around the camp in
the morning.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>They ground it, cooked or
baked it, and it sustained them.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>They
called it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">manna, </i>meaning, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">what is it?</i> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Which, when you think of it, might be a good
name for a wildebeest, or for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wry Bread</i>,
but probably not for a Calico, which tends to be easily recognized.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Did you know that almost all Calicoes are
female? </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
subject,</i> Mr. Sukhia.”</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">I’m sorry. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">You would think that having been so
recently delivered from slavery----a deliverance for which their people had
prayed for generations, and having just witnessed the miraculous signs God used
to secure their redemption, the Israelites would be overwhelmed with gratitude,
eating whatever the Lord provided with thanksgiving.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>But the Scripture tells us in Numbers 11, they
grew tired of open-air restaurant with only one item on the menu, and “yielded
to craving.”</span></div>
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Who will give us meat to eat? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>We remember the fish which we ate freely in
Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions , and the garlic; but
now our whole being is dried up; there is nothing at all except this manna
before our eyes! </span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">They remembered the occasional visit
to the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Goshen Golden Corral</i>, but
conveniently forgot about the forced labor, whips and chains.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>The Lord told Moses to tell the people that
God had heard their lament, and that He would indeed give them meat to eat.</span></div>
<br />
<i>Y<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">ou shall eat, not one day, nor two days, nor
five days, nor twenty days, but for a whole month, until it comes out of your
nostrils and becomes loathsome to you, because you have despised the Lord who
is among you, and have wept before Him, saying, “Why did we ever come up out of
Egypt?”</span></i><br />
<i></i><br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Moses wondered how this could be,
there being 600,000 men on the Exodus, with their wives and children.</span></div>
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">Shall flocks and herds be slaughtered for
them, to provide enough for them?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Or
shall all the fish of the sea be gathered together for them, to provide enough
for them?</span></i><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">But the Lord sent a wind bringing
quail, leaving them fluttering just a few feet above the ground all around the
camp.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>This brought rejoicing to the
people, and as you can imagine, hours of entertainment to their Calicoes, but
the wrath of the Lord was aroused against the people, and </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">“…the Lord struck the people with a
very great plague. So he (Moses) called the name of the place Kibroth Hattaavah
<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>(Graves of Craving).”</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">The New Testament reminds us that </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">“…all these things happened to them as
examples, and they were written for our admonition…” (I Corinthians 10:11) </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">If you are a believer in Christ, you’ve
been miraculously delivered from bondage to a taskmaster more heartless than
Pharaoh, whose intention was to keep you doing his bidding forever. Your redemption
was purchased at the greatest imaginable price, requiring the death of Christ,
the Passover Lamb provided for sinners.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>He
experienced the Father’s just wrath for sin, so that those of us who embrace
Him by faith may experience the Father’s merciful forgiveness.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Because Jesus drank the cup of His Father’s
wrath, and was treated as a sinner---even as sin incarnate, and because He was
gloriously raised from the grave, we can know that God’s wrath has been assuaged.
<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Christ’s grave was not a “Grave of
Craving,” but the ultimate “Grave of Caring,” because He laid down His life for
His sheep.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">So when we turn back and look fondly
at the behaviors in which we once engaged, focusing on the temporary pleasures while
ignoring the very real bondage in which we were held, we dishonor Christ and
His sacrifice, and follow in the path of our ungrateful ancestors.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>If that is the case, it may rightly said of
us, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. </span></div>
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">And you He made alive, who were dead in
trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this
world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now
works in the sons of disobedience…fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the
mind…But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He
loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with
Christ (by grace you have been saved) and raised us up together in the heavenly
places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding
riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. </span></i><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px;">(Ephesians 2) </span><br />
<br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike><br /></strike>
PS. Your <i>sharing this</i> on Facebook or elsewhere (see the itsy bitsy icons below) may help introduce others to these little stories of humor and inspiration, and perhaps bless them in the process.</div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-79402573781408813052018-01-22T11:54:00.001-05:002018-01-23T12:25:34.520-05:00When Pigs Flew<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-r8B-IdwMYSE/WmYWKPPJ-zI/AAAAAAAAAZk/wOj8NNv4hgcZdeaMXPQk7UhYbBKLn8R9QCLcBGAs/s1600/flying-pigs2-1024x633.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="633" data-original-width="1024" height="197" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-r8B-IdwMYSE/WmYWKPPJ-zI/AAAAAAAAAZk/wOj8NNv4hgcZdeaMXPQk7UhYbBKLn8R9QCLcBGAs/s320/flying-pigs2-1024x633.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><i>Time
Magazine</i></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"> reported
several months ago that a homeowner in Ft. Lauderdale was trying to determine
how 15 pounds of frozen pork landed on the roof of his home one sunny day in
mid-July.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>This piqued my interest, not
just for the obvious mystery---how and why did the pork end up on the guy’s
roof, but also because, having lived in South Florida, I recall how unlikely it
was to find anything frozen outside in July (or, come to think of it, in any
other month). <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">But because
Wry Bread connoisseurs (yes, I had to spell-check it) have learned to look here
for answers to life’s mysteries, such as, “Who in his right mind would get
within ten yards of a wild bear just for a better photo?” Answer:<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>No one in his right mind; and, “What idiot
would conclude that dropping campaign materials from a plane onto his high
school campus would persuade his classmates to elect him their president?” Answer:
Just one idiot I know of; the idiot in question will here propose explanations
for what shall now (and never again) be called the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Porcine Parapet Predicament.</b><span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>(No, technically a parapet is not a roof, but it’s close enough.)<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">How did 15 pounds of frozen pork end
up on this fellow’s roof? </span></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Explanation 1</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">: A south Florida Congressman,
returning from a DC budget battle with his carry-on luggage filled with pork
for a major donor, spotted Scott Pelley of CBS’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sixty Minutes</i> on the plane, and jettisoned the pork. (No, I don’t
know how he got the pork off the plane, but then neither does Scott Pelley.)</span><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Explanation 2</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">: A Ft. Lauderdale High School
student was running for class president.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>The school’s rivals were the Bradenton Wild Boars. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>He thought he might create some buzz and win
some votes if he dropped a frozen pig from a plane onto the campus.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Unfortunately, not only did he miss the
campus, he missed the start of the school year by about six weeks.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>His political life came to a swift and sudden
end, not unlike that of the pig. (No, I don’t know what office the pig was
running for.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I can’t solve ALL the
mysteries for you).</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></b>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Explanation 3</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">: A barbecue restaurant was preparing
for its grand opening. The manager explained the big promotion to the new
employees, several of whom were not fluent in English.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>We would call them a-fluent, but surprisingly,
a-fluent does not mean, “not fluent,” although a-political” means <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not political.</i> <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">This highlights the problem of the new
employees, for whom English must have been “<span style="color: black; margin: 0px;">a riddle
wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.” (Thank you, Mr. Churchill.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Please stand by in case we need you again.) </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Here is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">what the manager
said,</b> speaking quickly in his excitement: </span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“It’s going
to be a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">big promotion</b>.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>We’re going to<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> pound</b> the streets distribute fliers-----about <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">fifteen</b> thousand, all about our barbeque<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> pork</b> restaurant.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I want to
be at the<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> top</b> of the list for
barbeque for <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">every home.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></b>Does everyone <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">understand?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></b>Comprende?”</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Si.
Yes.”<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Here is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">what the employees heard</b>: </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Big Promotion. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I want 15 pounds of pork on top of each home,
understand?” </span></b></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">But as
someone (let’s say it was Churchill, since he’s standing by). <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Excuse me for a moment, “No, I’m sorry. I have
nothing here to drink, Sir Winston.” As someone wisely said, “the simplest
explanation is probably the correct one,” so we come to…</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Explanation 4</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">: This was the long-anticipated day when
pigs could fly, and one---I believe his name was Ica-Pig, flew too high and
froze to death. (No, Johnny, I would NOT say he flew too high because he was
“hamming it up.”) ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………No
doubt there’s a rational explanation for fifteen pounds of frozen pork ending
up on someone’s roof (and I think we can be confident that the explanation is
not one of the above).<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I suppose by now that
Ft. Lauderdale homeowner has solved the mystery.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>We live in a rational world, governed by
natural laws; it’s a world in which material things don’t magically appear on
roofs.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">If you are a
rational person (and surely one or two of our readers must be) and you found 15
pounds of frozen pork (or frozen wildebeest) on your roof, you would seek a
satisfying explanation.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>You would not
conclude that your fairy godmother put it there, or that on her way to
Neverland with Peter, Wendy dropped the pork she intended to roast for the Lost
Boys. You would not assume it fell out of Santa’s sleigh on Christmas morning and
remained frozen on your Florida roof for over six months; and you most certainly
would not shrug and accept the proposition that it appeared on your roof <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">without any cause at all</i>.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>You would not say to your wife, </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Honey, I
finally solved the pork mystery.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>It’s
obvious when you think about it.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>With an
incalculable number of roofs in the world, and an unlimited period of time,
frozen pork is bound to appear on someone’s roof eventually. We just happened to
be the beneficiaries of time and chance.”<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Your wife
would rightly conclude that like Wendy’s grandfather, you had lost your marbles.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>And yet here is the wonder.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Many who would never be persuaded that a package
of frozen pork could appear on their roof without the assistance of a sow, a
farmer, a butcher, a freezer, and some means of transportation, will glibly
accept the proposition that life on this planet (and this planet itself) arose out
of nothing, with no preexistent intelligent, powerful creator.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">The late
Cambridge astronomer Fred Hoyle put it this way</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"> in his book, <u>The
Intelligent Universe</u>. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>The chance of
the random emergence of even the simplest cell was the same as the likelihood
that "a tornado sweeping through a junk-yard might assemble a Boeing 747 from the materials therein." He also said that believing that a single functioning protein could develop "by chance" is like believing that given a number of blind men sufficient to fill the solar system, all of them solved the <i>Rubik's Cube</i> simultaneously. </span><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Yet sadly, even he could not accept the obvious conclusion, and he
embraced instead a hypothesis of "Panspermia," the idea that life exists in the
universe because it is distributed by meteoroids, asteroids, comets and space
dust. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I do not believe he ever satisfactorily
explained how life arose on the meteoroids and asteroids.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>How many blind men solving Rubik’s cubes
would that take?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I suppose one has to
think of Panspermia as “<i>Peter</i> <i>Pan</i>spermia.” If I may paraphrase what Peter said
to Wendy when she couldn’t get the hang of flying: “All you need is faith and
trust----Oh, and something I forgot---a little pinch of space dust.”</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“…the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness
and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the
truth.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>For what can be known about God
is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible
attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly
perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been
made. So they are without excuse.”<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>(Romans 1:18-20)</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-72861523497890986862018-01-10T15:28:00.000-05:002018-05-16T20:00:44.913-04:00ST. ISADOR THE FARMER CHURCH<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dsh-9YWDIp0/WlZ3E_LANFI/AAAAAAAAAZQ/iLWARZQ9rUwZrU9UNID_87ByHJJN-giuACLcBGAs/s1600/farmer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="182" data-original-width="273" height="133" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dsh-9YWDIp0/WlZ3E_LANFI/AAAAAAAAAZQ/iLWARZQ9rUwZrU9UNID_87ByHJJN-giuACLcBGAs/s200/farmer.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">Driving on Rt. 15 in
Virginia, I did a double-take when I passed a church named "St. Isador the
Farmer." So we're naming churches after farmers now?</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">
</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">How long has this
been going on? <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Why don</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">’</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">t you people </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">tell</span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"> me anything? No, it wasn't called the </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">“</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">Old McDonald had a Farm Church," but it was close
enough. It got me wondering how many other churches are named after
farmers.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Is there a </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">“</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">Farmer John Church,</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">” </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">a </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">“</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">Farmer Brown Church,</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">”</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"> or a Farmer in the Dell Church,</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">”</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"> maybe one with a sanctuary sponsored by </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">Farmers Insurance</span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">, and
hymnals courtesy of </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">The Farmers'</span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"> Almanac</span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">? </span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">What about other
vocations?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>If there's a "St. Isador
the Farmer Church" in Virginia, maybe there's a</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">"St. Donald the Developer Church</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">”</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"> in New York, or a "St. Mario the Plumber Church</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">” </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">in Florence, or a "St. Bob the Builder
Church" in Indiana. Perhaps, somewhere in Maryland, there's a "St. Brooks
the Third Baseman Church," and if New England still has any churches, one
of them may be named "St. Brady the Patriot."<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><span style="color: #454545;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: #454545;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">Of course if you are familiar
with the Bible, you know that the term </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">“</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">saint</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">” </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">does not refer to one who was
particularly holy, or who had miracles performed in his/her name, and it
certainly does not refer to one who is beatified by a pope. The term saint was
used to designate a true believer in Christ---one who has repented of his sins
and transferred his trust to Jesus, the Lamb of God who offered His life as a
substitute for sinners. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>The Apostle Paul
addressed Christians in Rome this way: </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">“…</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">beloved of God, called to be saints.</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">”</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"> [Romans 1:7] <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>He called the believers in Corinth,</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">”…</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">those who are sanctified in Christ
Jesus, called to be saints</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">…”</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"> [1 Corinthians 1:2] A saint (hagios in the original Greek)
is one who is set apart, and all believers in Christ have been set apart by the
Father, redeemed by the Son, and they</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">’</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">re in the process of being sanctified
(and they'll ultimately be glorified) by the Holy Spirit. </span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">If you are resting in
Christ alone, if you have given up on any attempt to save yourself by your own
efforts, then you are a saint.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>You could
conceivably plant a church and name it after yourself, maybe St. Allan the
Accountant, or St. Becky the Physician.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>But since your salvation was all of God</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">’</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">s grace, it might be more appropriate, in the choice of a name, to
keep the attention on the Lord.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="color: #454545;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;">My lovely wife Darla,
who prefers to go by her given name, Donna, thinks there might be a church somewhere
named "St. Russell the Disturbed."<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span>If you see it, you would be wise to keep driving.</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545;"></span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-56547237477390420102017-12-13T13:06:00.001-05:002017-12-13T13:44:21.905-05:00ON BEHALF of ALL HUSBANDS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-V3OdA0pB-7I/WjFqibyaXgI/AAAAAAAAAY8/XiBuQu6pQvsMgFs3PLdND77B96Lg3mFOgCLcBGAs/s1600/wildebeest%2Bpublic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="133" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-V3OdA0pB-7I/WjFqibyaXgI/AAAAAAAAAY8/XiBuQu6pQvsMgFs3PLdND77B96Lg3mFOgCLcBGAs/s200/wildebeest%2Bpublic.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Speaking on
behalf of all husbands (and who better to do so than I?), and as part of my
ongoing effort to bridge the gap between the sexes (you may recall my inside
scoop on Men’s Rooms in the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wry Bread</i>
story, “Rest Room Break”) I now reveal additional information that was previously
classified: <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">No husband,
of any age, creed or ethnicity, ever took the following medical advice: </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Ask your
doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex.”<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">A husband in
his right mind would not ask that question, as in his right mind he would be
able to reason that his doctor’s answer could be “No.” If not in his right
mind, he would never remember to ask the question.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I rest my case.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Here’s more advice
no husband has ever taken: </span></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“After
assembly (of the swing set, glider, bike, scooter or wildebeest cage) check and
tighten each bolt every 30 days, and oil all moving parts quarterly---more
frequently in dry or wet conditions, or when the barometric pressure exceeds
30.5 inches. Severe injury or death could occur if these instructions are not
followed, or if the Ph factor of the product falls below 5.2.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>In hindsight, the safest course of action is for
you to disassemble it and take it directly to your nearest landfill.”*<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px 23px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">*”The manufacturer shall not be liable for damages caused by
the <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>wildebeest once his cage has
been disassembled.” </span></div>
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Another thing
wives might want to know (and revealing this one might get me beaten up in a
men’s room someday). If you leave your husband at home doing chores on a
Saturday afternoon, as soon as he is assured that you are truly gone, he will
gravitate to the recliner and remote and watch football.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>This is not a matter of the will.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>It is a natural law, which is why I used the
word ‘gravitate.’ You cannot blame an apple for gravitating to the ground when
it is detached from its branch, and you cannot blame a man for gravitating to
his recliner when he is detached from his wife on a Saturday afternoon. If
there is no football, he’ll watch baseball, soccer or golf.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>If he’s really desperate, he may watch
bowling or fishing.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>The good news, however,
is that you can be confidant, as you shop, that he is not home watching Men’s Figure
Skating.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Having had
this natural law explained to her, the prudent wife, upon entering the home in
the late afternoon, does not need to put her hand on the TV to detect its telltale
warmth.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>She already knows it is warm. Nor
does she need to ask, </span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Why is the
wildebeest still running freely in the neighborhood?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I thought you were assembling his cage?”</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">On the
contrary, the prudent wife is grateful that her husband did not start a grease
fire when he decided to fry a burger for lunch, and the prudent wife is preoccupied
with hoping that her husband doesn’t examine her closely enough to detect that
she just dropped another hundred dollars at the salon.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">While we’re on the theme, here are two questions
no husband has ever asked his wife:</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Does this
make me look fat?”</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“Don’t you
think it’s time for us to go visit your mother?”</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">If you are a
husband or wife, or you<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> know</i> a
husband or wife, or you’ve happened upon such while traipsing your neighborhood
in search of your wildebeest, you probably know that there are distinct
differences between them---husbands and wives, not wildebeests.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everything</i>
is about wildebeests. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Those differences
were implanted by our creator.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>(If you
believe there is no creator, and this exquisitely designed universe just arose
one day, out of nothing, with no design and no designer, then to put it
bluntly, your reasoning power is on a par with that of your wildebeest. Okay,
maybe when it comes down to it, everything IS about wildebeests).<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">Those
differences go far beyond the obvious physical ones.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>They extend to perceptions, sensibilities and
affections, as well as how we respond to our children when they disappoint us,
or challenge our authority, or fail to walk the (by now you’re expecting <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wildebeest.<span style="margin: 0px;">
</span></i>Have you ever tried walking a wildebeest?<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Even a husband knows better than to give a
child that chore) dog.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">“So God
created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and
female He created them.” (Genesis 1:27)<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13.33px;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">As the
French put it, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Vive la wildebeest</i>”----I
mean, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“la diff</i></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">é</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0px;">rence.”</span></i></div>
</span></span></span></span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-29909323055532585972017-07-08T10:46:00.002-04:002017-07-12T20:18:17.010-04:00Necessity is the Mother of Invention<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-N_HxQPXxuSc/WWDu3RCdi_I/AAAAAAAAAXU/4uKweGgpLrsweiu3mwkkHRjdReHVb_05gCLcBGAs/s1600/Loch%2BNess%2BMonster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="199" data-original-width="300" height="132" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-N_HxQPXxuSc/WWDu3RCdi_I/AAAAAAAAAXU/4uKweGgpLrsweiu3mwkkHRjdReHVb_05gCLcBGAs/s200/Loch%2BNess%2BMonster.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">NECESSITY is the mother of Invention. Invention's father
is a guy named Bob. Bob told me he wanted to name his daughter <i>Mary</i>, but
Necessity wouldn't hear of it. She had her mind set on "Invention."
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Bob tried to reason with her:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">•None of the other kids in school will be named
'Invention.'</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">•Boys attempting to write her Valentine poems will be
forced to use words like intention, declension or detention.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"I'd spend two hours in detention, </span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">If I could be with you, Invention." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">•Or her friends will call her Venti, and she'll be
humiliated when a middle school boy discovers that at Starbucks, Venti means
"very large."</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But Bob's arguments were unpersuasive. Necessity was
determined.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">After giving the matter the thirty seconds of thought that such matters demand ("That's pretty much your thought <i>limit</i>, isn't it Rusty?--PB) I realized that
surely Necessity must have been teased about her OWN name. Kids at school would
have called her "Nessie," which not only rhymes with
"messy," but is the chosen name of the Loch Ness monster.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">Having been a boy once myself, I'm pretty sure that
Necessity has at least one entry in a school yearbook that reads, "Messy
Nessie, the Locked Neck Monster."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">One would think that having been saddled with a name like<i>
Necessity</i> would be enough to convince a mother NOT to give her daughter an
unusual name, but that's what makes this matter interesting (ok, maybe not to
you, but to some people, somewhere.)</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I consulted the noted professor who succeeded his late
father as the Chair of Psychology at the University of Hamburg, Dr. Yerguess
Asgoodasmien.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Dr. Asgoodasmien, thank you for taking the time to
Skype with me."</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"You are qvite velcome, but Please, call me
Yerguess."</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"All right, Yerguess. You told me you have a
possible explanation for Neccessity's insistence on giving her daughter a name
as unusual as her own."</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"It may seem odd behavior, but it is actually qvite
vell attested in ze literature on ze subject. Havink struggled since childhood
vith a strange name herself, this voman, Necessity, beliefing her success in
life vas due, in part, to her own struggle (Mein Kampf, as Der Fuhrer put it), determined
she vould gif her daughter ze same (vhat I haf coined) "beneficial
handicap."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Beneficial handicap?" </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Correct. Her refusal to give her daughter a normal
name like Maria vas in fact (in her eyes) an act of love, for vhich Invention
should be forever grateful."</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Thank you so much for shedding light on this for
us, Dr. Yerguess. You've been most helpful. Before we end the interview, I'm
curious about your own name. You may be the first Yerguess I have met. Is that
name more common in Germany?"</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Nein! </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">No von
else has such a name. It's a name vith vitch mein fadder cursed me!</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Surely he must have hated me vith a
wengeance."</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"May I ask, vhat vas--- I mean, what was your
father's first name?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Papa's first name vas Yeranswers, vith middle
initial R."</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Hmmm. So his full name was</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yeranswers R. Asgoodasmien." </span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Yah, dat is correct."</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Did you ever think that perhaps, as an educator, it
would have been a challenge for him to overcome the handicap of his own name? </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Whenever he attempted to correct a student's
answer, he would be likely to hear, 'I thought MY answers were as good as
yours?' </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">He had to overcome the challenge
of his own unusual name. </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Maybe that's
why he gave you an uncommon name?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"You mean you tink maybe he intended the name
Yerguess to be a 'Beneficial Handicap?'"</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Exactly."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"This I nefer considered. Perhaps you are right! </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Perhaps mein fadder loved me all ze
time!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Apostle Paul had a handicap---a thorn in the flesh that
made his labors for Christ especially difficult. There are reasons to believe
it was some sort of eye disorder. </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">The
Bible calls it "a messenger of Satan to harass him." Satan's
intention was no doubt to discourage or disable Paul. But God permitted it for
His own purposes. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Three times Paul prayed the Lord would deliver him from
this affliction----presumably these were separate seasons of special
intercession, but the answer he received by revelation from the Lord was
"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect (shows
itself most clearly, you might say) in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12)</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Paul understood that his handicap, intended by the enemy
for evil, was, at the same time, permitted by the Lord for good. It was to
prevent him from "becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness
of the revelations" that were committed to him. His physical affliction
was a continual reminder of his own weakness, and his utter dependence upon
God's grace and mercy. A professor I know would call it a "beneficial
handicap." </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Perhaps you have one, an affliction or persistent trial
which might have seemed at first only harmful, but which you recognized upon
reflection, as coming from the</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">loving
hand of your heavenly Father, both to benefit you and to glorify Him. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">If it has not arrived yet, it is safe to say that
affliction is on its way. It may be something as minor as hours in detention
without your friend <i>Invention</i>, or it may be more monstrous---like a locked
neck. But if your faith is in Christ, you can be assured that whatever the
trial, God will work it for good in your life. (Romans 8:28) If you wonder what
your<i> particular</i> trial will be, as a professor friend of mine likes to say, "your
guess is as good as mine."</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div>
Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3721978418730475183.post-12129965894178053842017-07-06T13:04:00.001-04:002017-07-08T09:54:46.199-04:00SUICIDE-ATTACK DEER<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vNXJQjrTktw/WV5tFcMmehI/AAAAAAAAAXE/_sMhdPf3l0whyTOEqSD10LSEH9g27llHACLcBGAs/s1600/Angry%2BDeer.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vNXJQjrTktw/WV5tFcMmehI/AAAAAAAAAXE/_sMhdPf3l0whyTOEqSD10LSEH9g27llHACLcBGAs/s1600/Angry%2BDeer.png" /></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Last
Friday night we were attacked by a suicide-attack deer as we were driving the
Prius, our car from the future. It was after 9PM, when most respectable deer
are home from work, bouncing their fawning offspring on their numerous knees.
The one who attacked us was evidently crouching behind a bush, awaiting our
approach on a dark country road in Maryland. </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">It certainly seemed that he knew we were
coming, which makes me suspect that he was tipped off by someone like Tommy (Pretty
Boy) Humphrey.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Since I don’t know anyone
</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">like</span></span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">
Pretty Boy, it was probably him.</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">He
leaped in front of us at the last possible second (the deer, not Pretty Boy), and
although I immediately hit the brakes, we collided. The good news is that if
the deer was wearing a suicide-vest, it didn't detonate. I suspect this was
because he hadn't anticipated my cat-like reflexes, so he was struck in the
hindquarters rather than the chest as he evidently intended. The point of
impact was the very front of the car, where there is (or </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">was</span></span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">) an oval shaped
Toyota emblem.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">I
don't think I'll ever forget the hatred I saw in his eye just before
impact.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">(The hatred was in his left eye,
in case you were wondering.) My first thought was that the attack might be </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">ISIS-related</span></span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">,
through its radicalized deer army, </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">DASH</span></span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> (</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">D</span></span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">eer/</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">A</span></span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">ngry/</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">S</span></span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">uicidal/</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">H</span></span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">ostile).</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">But as you know, those attacks are usually
planned for places where large numbers congregate. This deer seemed to be
waiting for us specifically. </span></span></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">The
incident had all the earmarks of a domestic attack. [You’ll be pleased to know
that although I toyed with replacing </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">earmarks</span></span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> with </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">deer-marks</span></span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> in the previous
sentence, I refrained, perceiving that the </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">humor</span></span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> potential was too
low and the </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">groan</span></span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">
potential too high.] </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">“That’s
true of</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">pretty
much</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> all your writing, </span></span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Rusty.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Maybe that’s why nobody buys your book.”</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">“I
refuse to dignify that comment with a response, Pretty Boy.”</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">“You
just did.”</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #454545;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">During
the rest of our drive home I searched my brain to understand why we were
targeted. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">“The
good news is you didn’t have a large search area, Rusty.” </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">“That’s
it.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">I don’t want to hear any more from
you, Humphrey. You’re still under investigation as a possible accomplice.” </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">As
I was saying, I didn’t know why I should be targeted.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">I’m not a hunter.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">(I’m not even much of a </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">gatherer</span></span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">.)</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">And I only eat venison when I’m tricked into
it.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Then it occurred to me that our new </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">AARP</span></span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> online membership
might have been mistaken by an agent in deer-intelligence for membership in the
</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">NRA</span></span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">.
You'll note that both acronyms are heavy on the </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">A’s</span></span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> and </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">R’s</span></span></b></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> (and by acronyms,
Tommy, I refer to the big letters in the previous</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">sentence).</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #454545;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">In
case you Bambi-lovers are wondering, the deer that attacked us, though knocked
to the pavement, got up and bounded off (maybe it scampered off---it was hard
to tell in our frazzled state) to plot his next attack, but not before
snatching the Toyota emblem from the front of our car---presumably with his
teeth.</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> Yes, Donna and I are
fine.</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">(Perhaps I’m being overly
sensitive, but I can’t help but notice that you didn’t get around to asking
about us until you were assured that the deer was unharmed.)</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Anticipating
the scoffing of my critics, I consulted noted deer expert [to be named shortly]
to verify that a deer may remove an emblem from a car with his teeth following
an unsuccessful suicide attack.</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">[Exciting
news for </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Wry Bread</span></span></i></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> Readers!
In an effort to make our stories more interactive, we're pleased to announce
that you can now choose the name of the deer expert I consulted.] </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Please
choose from:</span></span></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">a)
Deer Abby</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">b)
Roe Yerboat</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">c)
Buck Stopshere</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">d)
Doe Rehmie</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Unfortunately,
[</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">insert
name of your chosen deer expert here</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">] did not take my
call. I presume he or she now has caller ID service (as do others who formerly
took my calls). But I'm confident said expert would support my contention that
a</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">suicide-deer might
well snatch an automaker’s emblem from the front of the intended victim’s car
(perhaps to prove to his superiors that his mission, though unsuccessful, was
at least attempted).</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">I
don't hold out much hope that our attacker will be apprehended before he
strikes again. Should you be his next victim, and should his attempt at
self-destruction be successful this time, you may be able to identify him by an
indentation shaped like a Toyota emblem on his left hindquarter.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">While
we're on the unpleasant subject suggested by our recent attacker, I'm sometimes
asked about suicide---not whether I advise it (I don't) but whether I believe
that it's possible for a suicide victim to go to heaven. Another way of putting
the question is, is it possible for a true believer to become so despondent
that he takes his own life? </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Life
is a precious gift, and as man was created in the image of God, the taking of
innocent human life, whether our own or that of another, is a serious sin. But
is it possible for true believers to fall into serious sins? Of course. King
David (adultery and murder) and the Apostle Peter (denying Christ) come
immediately to mind. If it's possible for a believer to lust to the point of
adultery, or to be angered to the point of murder, or to be afraid to the point
of denying Christ, then surely it is possible for him or her to be depressed to
the point of suicide. </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">The
obvious difference (and this is why the matter is problematic for some), is
that one who commits adultery, murder, or any sin other than suicide, has time
to repent of it and seek God's forgiveness. There can be no subsequent
repentance for the suicide victim. </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">But
that would matter only if eternal life were something that we merited, or
something to which we contributed by diligently, faithfully and fully repenting
of every sin we ever commit, all our lives.</span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">But
the Bible is clear that eternal life is a gift of God, granted now, in this
life, to all who recognize themselves as sinners, look to God for mercy, and
transfer their trust to Jesus Christ alone as Lord and Savior. The repentant
sinner is adopted into God's family. He has been "born again" or
"born from above." </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">(John 3:3) </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">He
is forgiven. He is redeemed. Jesus said, "He who believes in me HAS
eternal life.”</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">
(John 6:47) </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">There
are at least two wonderful things about eternal life---</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">the </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">life</span></i><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> part</span></b><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">---abundant,
rich, full ("I have come that they [My sheep] may have life, and that they
may have it more abundantly.") </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">(John 10:10) </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">and</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> the </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">eternal</span></i><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">
part</span></b><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">---"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.
And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone
snatch them out of my hand." </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">(John 10:27-28)</span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
</div>
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">True
sheep are safe in Christ's hand, yes, even those who become so depressed that
they foolishly take their own lives. But suicidal deer, on the other hand, are
gonna have a lot of ‘splaining to do. The one we encountered the other
night could make it easier on himself by returning our emblem.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #454545;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #454545;">[If you happen to enjoy this blend of humor and biblical truth (and stranger things have happened), please click "Share," as it may be good medicine for one of your contacts. More stories like this one may be found in the book, <i>Wry Bread, </i>available on Kindle or from russsukhia2@gmail.com.]</span><br />
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Russ Sukhiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05913091604804269923noreply@blogger.com1