History on Wry: Captain Smith and Pocahontas Part 2. We Found Pocahontas

In our first (more or less) exciting episode, Captain John Smith sailed from England to the shore of Virginia.  He and his landing party, searching for fresh water and a fast-food place that would take British currency, were soon set upon by several hatchet-wielding men with painted faces and what Smith would later describe as “inappropriate attire for gentlemen.” With grunts and gestures the natives made it known that they were to be accompanied, and they led the men to a village where they were greeted by Chief Powhatan.

“Welcome, strangers,” said the chief.

A shocked Smith responded, “You speak English? How can this be? Am I not the first Englishman to set foot here?”

“No, no. 
Big British invasion last year, four mop-heads from Liverpool.  Chief Sullivan of Seneca Nation introduce them. Loud concert at Squaw Stadium---really big show.  Maidens went wild.  Screaming and crying.  Many tribes came. They shook it up, baby---twisted and shouted.  Beethoven rolled over.  Our village has never been the same.”  He lifted up the flap of a wigwam and Smith heard a snippet of ‘A Hard Day’s Night.’ *

“Where are these Liverpudlians now?

“Mopheads returned to England.  Listen, do you want to know a secret?  Do you promise not to tell? Closer. Let me whisper in your ear. My youngest daughter Poca was there. She was just seventeen----you know what I mean. Now she says she’ll never dance with another, after she saw John standing there.”

“John?”

“John one of British invaders---three others too, but Poca fall hard for John.  She started what she call ‘Fanatic Club.’ Every day she write letter to John.  Always signs, ‘P.S. I love you--- love me do.’”

“How does she send letters to England?”

“Poca puts letters in soda bottles she gets from local Dollar General.  She throw them into the sea. I warn her, bottles could go anywhere.  Singing John from Liverpool will not find.  She not listen.  Now Poca has seen 18 winters with no husband.  She say, ‘No brave good enough.’  Say will marry no one but John.  This mean Powhatan have no grandchildren.  When I’m 64, I will have no Vera, Chuck and Dave on my knee.”

Smith saw an opportunity. “Perhaps I can help.  I have no wife, and my name is John.  Maybe Poca will marry me.”

“No no.  She not marry just any John.  Must be Singing John from Liverpool.”

“But you say she only saw Singing John from a distance, right?”

“Yes.  Big crowd at concert.  Swooning maidens from many tribes.  Poca far from stage."  

“What if I tell her that I am Singing John from Liverpool?” 

“Can you sing?  Try this: ‘She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah.’”

Smith mimicked him, but not very well.

“No, no. Like this: ‘She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah.’”

Smith tried again.

Powhatan mumbled to himself, “He sing worse than Ringo.  He going to need practice, eight days a week.” He urged Smith to try again, which he did.

Powhatan said, “It’s getting better all the time. But Poca would expect you to know all the Singing John songs.”

“But you know the songs, right?  You could teach me.”

“Powhatan know them all. Poca play them all the time.  I think, long as she got a dime, the music will never stop.  So Smith want Powhatan to teach him Singing John songs?” Then mumbling to himself, “Hmmm.  This could work.” He responded to Smith, “Powhatan will tell you what you need to know.”

As planned, Chief Powhatan introduced “Singing John” to Pocahontas.  But after three moons had passed, she still had not consented to marry him.  Powhatan, getting impatient, summoned his daughter, as Smith looked on, unseen.

 “You wish to see me, Great One?”

“My daughter, soon you will have seen nineteen summers, yet you have not taken a husband.  You have missed prime birthing years.  Other maidens from class of ‘06 have many children. You only one at reunion-bonfire with no papoose.  You must choose a brave to marry soon.  What you no like about Singing John from Liverpool?”

“I’m still not sure that man IS “Singing John from Liverpool.”

“Why you say that?”

“Way he look, way he sing, way he not remember much about big concert at Squaw Stadium.  And why he come back here without Singing Paul, George and Ringo?  He say they coming on another ship, but when?  Maybe he not Singing John from Liverpool?   Maybe he trying to cheat us, like the Paleface counting cards at the casino?”

“Then he will suffer same fate. If he not Singing John, Powhatan will remove his head.”

“Oh Father, would you really cut off his head for me?”

“Powhatan may cut off his head for himself.  I grow tired of English. They kill our deer, foul our waters, and name our land after their queen.  They call soccer football, and say they first people to discover New World.  What they think we are, raccoons?” 

“If he is real Singing John from Liverpool, I marry him. But if he deceiver…” [she gestured slashing off her head.]

“You have until the new moon to decide. Powhatan’s daughter must marry soon.  Did you read today’s Smoke Signal, the early edition?  Sitting Bull’s daughter had fourth infant. This getting embarrassing. 

As Pocahontas left, Smith approached Powhatan. “Good work, Chief.  Very believable----all that talk about taking off my head.” He laughed nervously.  Powhatan remained stone-faced. 

Smith said, “I think I’ve thought of a way to convince Poca that I’m the real Singing John. With the help of 3 crewmates, I’ll make her think that Paul, George and Ringo have arrived, and we’ll have a big concert.  But you must keep her far back in the crowd, so she can’t see that we’re not really singing.”

Powhatan mumbled again, “What could go wrong with this plan?”

We fast-forward to the night of the concert and Big Chief Sullivan’s introduction:

“Thank you, Topo Gigio.  And now, what you’ve all been waiting for----- Live, on our stage, those four Liverpool mopheads who’ve taken Europe by storm, John, Paul, George and Ringo!

Smith and three of his crew, each in a shaggy wig, ran out, met with screams from the crowd. Three grabbed guitars, and one sat at a drum set, and they began to lip-synch to “Please Please Me.”  During the song, Pocahontas, seated in the back, slipped away from her father and walked toward the stage. Looking carefully at the bad lip-synching, she suddenly rushed the stage, with her father approaching behind her.

“STOP THE MUSIC!” she cried.  They’re not really singing! This is a trick!  [She grabbed Smith’s wig and pulled it off.] This is not Singing John!  Chief Powhatan arrived on the stage.

“You have deceived my daughter,” he said to Smith, raising his tomahawk. The captain fell to his knees to plead for his life, inadvertently making it easier for the chief to remove his head.  Pocahontas fell upon Smith’s neck to protect him.

The chief said, “You not want me to cut off his head?”

“No, Father.”

“Does this mean you will marry me?” cried Smith.

“NO!  You are an imposter---but you do not deserve to die. I’ve decided to marry someone else.”

“This good news,” said the chief. “Who you choose to marry?”

“I’ve decided to marry Singing Paul.”

Pointing to the Paul impersonator, Powhatan asked, “You mean this guy?”

“No, not him.  I’m going to marry the real Singing Paul. When the ship returns to England for supplies next week, I will go with them. I’ll find Singing Paul, and we will marry.  I’ve made up my mind, Father. Don’t try to talk me out of it.”

She rushed off to pack her things, as a dejected Chief Powhatan lamented, “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay.”

…………………………………………………………………………………..

There was a real Captain John Smith, a real Chief Powhatan and a real Pocahontas.  Any other resemblance to the truth in this story is completely accidental. But since it got us thinking about imposters, let’s run with it:

The Apostle Paul warned the Christians in Corinth that there were imposters about.  He called them “false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ.  And no wonder!” he said, “For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. Therefore, it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness.” (2 Cor. 11) There is no reason to think that Satan has abandoned this tactic. Many pulpits are strongholds of the enemy of souls. A suit, a collar or a seminary degree do not ensure that the minister is a servant of God.

A number of years ago, Western Reserve University sent a questionnaire to 10,000 clergy in five major U.S. denominations.  About 7500 responded. When asked, “Do you believe the Bible to be the inspired Word of God?”  The percentages of ministers who answered “NO” exceeded 55% in each denomination (ranging from 57% to 89%).  As you might imagine, responses were similar when asked if they believed in the Virgin Birth or the bodily resurrection of Christ.  The tragic effect on the Church of such rampant heresy is incalculable. The Apostle Peter warned, “…there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Lord who bought them…and many will follow their destructive ways…” (2 Peter 2)

If you find yourself sitting under such teaching and preaching, I urge you to get yourself a ticket to ride and get back to where you once belonged.

*If you wonder how the natives played music, the phonograph was crude---hand cranked, with the tip of an antler used as a needle. No, I don’t know where they got the records. You can make that up yourself.