History on Wry: Columbus

Admiral  Columbus,  it’s  a great honor to speak with you.  As most of our readers know, on Earth you were a 15^th century explorer hoping to find a westward route from Europe to the Orient; but instead, you landed in what we now know as the western hemisphere. Although you were Italian, it was actually the Spanish monarchy that sponsored your expedition?

“Yes, I searched for a sponsor for ten years until the Spanish king and queen signed on.  As sponsors, they got their name and image on all the bric-a-brac we brought to trade for spices and gold----Ferdinand and Isabella coffee mugs, key chains, tee shirts, caps, visors, you name it.  Plus, they were granted exclusive film rights for the expedition; the contract clause read, ‘…in the event that motion pictures should be invented soon.’”

They provided three ships for the journey?

“Well, my ship, the Santa Maria, was the one we knew to be seaworthy; we brought the Nina and the Pinta along for parts. Oh, and they carried replacements for Santa Maria men who fell overboard or died of Scurvy on the trip.  If I had a do-over, I’d bring more oranges and fewer coffee mugs, and maybe one or two life-preservers.”

How long did your westward journey take?

“About five weeks, which any sane man would think should be long enough to get to China.  Who could have guessed there’d be a continent or two in the way?  You’d think some Viking might have mentioned it.”

You landed on a Caribbean Island, thinking you had reached the Orient. How did you determine you weren’t in China?

“Well, the people were dark-skinned, there were no rickshaws, we couldn’t find a decent Chinese restaurant, and all their music was reggae.”

You spent several weeks exploring the Caribbean?

“Yes, we visited numerous islands, planted a Spanish flag on each and explained to the natives that they were now the happy subjects of Ferdinand and Isabella, as pictured on the coffee mugs and tee shirts.  They seemed pleased, although we were never sure what they were saying because their Spanish was atrocious.  (I noted in my diary the need for more schools offering SSL---Spanish as Second Language).  The natives gave us their local products, and we gave them our bric-a-brac, as well as several European diseases of which they seemed ignorant.”

I understand that when it was time to return to Spain you had some trouble getting all your crew together?

“I found about a dozen of them lounging on the beach, drinking from coconut shells containing what looked like tiny parasols. I remember that some of the natives appeared to be braiding their hair.  When I ordered them back to the ships, one of them said, ‘Chill out, Cap’n.’ In the end I got most of them back.  I only had to shoot three.”

“We returned to Ferdinand and Isabella with a ship full of coconuts, coffee beans and Cuban cigars, along with the exciting news that we had found a new world!  We were anticipating a parade, a statue or two and maybe a position of honor in the Royal Court. In fact, I’m embarrassed to admit that in my cabin on the way back I practiced my parade wave.”

But you were disappointed in the reception you received?

“Apparently while I was gone Ferdinand and Isabella had fixated on my promise of gold, silk, precious gems and spices from the Orient.  They came to the docks to see their new treasure unloaded. They were, shall we say, unimpressed.  Neither of them smoked cigars; they weren’t big coffee drinkers, and have you ever tried to open a coconut?”

So, they threw you no parade?

“I was relieved they didn’t throw me into their dungeon.”

But surely, they were anxious to hear about the New World?

“You would think so. But I believe they were so busy trying to dominate the old world that they couldn’t get excited about dominating a new one.  They were focused on building a huge army and navy, and they had started that whole Inquisition business. If I had brought back a boatload of gold to finance their wars, or a few hundred native converts pledging devotion to Our Lady of the Perilous Sea, they might have viewed me as parade-worthy.”

What about the common people of Europe?  Weren’t they excited to hear about the New World?

“All the serfs, slaves and servants I spoke to were unimpressed.  One said, ‘So you say the maps of the scholars were wrong. Will that put shoes on my children’s feet or food in their stomachs?’ I made another diary entry: ‘Evidently laboring in the fields from sunrise to sunset seven days a week results in a general pessimism and lack of interest in Geography. Consider proposing eight-hour shifts, five-day work weeks and paid vacations.’”

I’ve heard that you may be somewhat dissatisfied with your legacy in modern America.

“Think about it; I discover the whole new world, and all I get is some town in Ohio named after me?  Not New York, not Florida, but Ohio!  It’s not even on the coast!

Well, Columbus is Ohio’s capital.  You also got your own day.   

“Right, DAY. Not week. Not month.  By the way, when is it?”

Oh, we celebrate it every year.

“I know.  What month is it?”

Give me a minute.

“You don’t know what month it is, do you?  Do you even know the season?”

Well, ah, don’t forget, you have your own poem.  All our schoolchildren know it.

“You mean that ditty about sailing the ocean blue in 1492?  It’s hardly Homer’s Iliad, is it?  I could kick myself for not naming the continent Columbus-land or Columbia.  My fellow-Italian Amerigo Vespucci sails west a few years later and soon everybody’s calling the place ‘America.’  You people should be living in the USC, United States of Columbus.”

“It’s a good thing you didn’t discover it, Rusty.  We might be living in Russia.”

I apologize to our readers; evidently Tommy Humphrey has hacked into my computer again.  Fortunately, I was just about to wrap this up.

Thank you for granting us this brief interview, Admiral Columbus; we admire your courage and intrepid spirit.

“You are quite welcome. Please, take a coffee mug, and one for your wife.”

That’s very gracious of you. Thank you.

Columbus declared to Europeans that he had found a new world.  He had seen it; though they had not; he had been there and returned. Some believed him, some didn’t, and many were simply uninterested.  But that world was no less real because of their unbelief or indifference.

The Lord Jesus declared that he had come to Earth from another world, to which he would return. He insisted that it is a real place, where redeemed sinners will join him, although those of us in this world have not seen it, and many deny its reality. But the world of which Jesus spoke is no less real because of man’s unbelief or indifference. The night before his crucifixion he said this to his disciples:

“'In my Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to myself; that where I am, there you may be also.  And where I go you know, and the way you know.’ Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we do not know where you are going, and how can we know the way?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life, No one comes to the Father except through me.’” (John 14:2-6)

Those who repent of their sins and rest in the finished work of Christ, the one who kept the law that they broke and paid the debt that they owed, may be assured that their sins have been forgiven, they’ve been adopted into God’s family, and they’re on a ship bound for the New World.  They will face some storms.  Jesus said, “In the world you will have tribulation…” (John 16:33) But they can be certain that they will not be washed overboard, because he also said, “All that the Father gives me will come to me, and the one who comes to me I will by no means cast out.” (John 6:37) As the Apostle Peter put it, we are “…kept by the power of God through faith for salvation…” (1 Peter 1:5) 

The best part is, when we reach that other shore, our Savior will greet us!  

There may be a parade. You may want to practice your wave.