Since I revealed my shocking medical condition in the
article, Hospital Cat Scams, scores
of Wry Bread readers on various continents have written to inquire about the
present status of my health. Well, maybe
not scores, but several of you. Okay, the
word several may give the wrong
impression, let’s just say that some of
you have---well, you haven’t actually written---you’ve
been busy with other things, I’m sure, but I have no doubt you’ve been anxious about my current condition, perhaps
subconsciously. Yes, that’s it. There’s
been a lot of subconscious anxiety
going on. So to ease your mind, and to permit
you to focus on your daily tasks undistracted, I will bring you up
to date on my progress.
As you may recall, I was driven to an emergency room by severe
stomach pain (and for a pain, it drove surprisingly well), where a cat scan revealed that although my
intestinal tract was completely cat-free (as I kept insisting), there were diverse ticks in my litis (a segment of
the colon, I presume). The technical
name is Diverticulitis. I was told to follow up with the doctor who
had conducted my last colonoscopy. This
seemed an odd choice, because in that
procedure, just months before, this “expert” had detected no signs of ticks. The question before us was a simple one; in
light of the new diagnosis, should I schedule another colonoscopy? I argued for the opposition.
In case you haven’t yet had the experience, the colonoscopy, as one might guess, involves a colon and a scope. As the patient reclines face down in a
poor-excuse for a robe, the doctor, having previously chosen a convenient point
of access, drives a remote-controlled camera through the hairpin turns of the
patient’s digestive tract, all the while trying not to collide with the intestinal
wall. If he touches the wall, a buzzer
sounds and he loses his turn. Then the
next doctor steps in, but he can’t begin where the first doctor left off. He has to begin at Start (also called Home).
In the Sorry™ version of the colonoscopy, before he can
enter the colon with his scope, each doctor
has to draw either a one or a two from the deck of cards which the
nurse has provided. Furthermore, if while
Doctor A is probing the colon, Doctor B draws a Sorry™ card, Doctor A has to go all the way back to start, even if he
was almost at the end (you’re right, Pretty Boy, one might say these doctors
are always at the end). This version can take a bit longer than the
classic version, but it has the advantage of suspense, in that one can never
tell which doctor will complete it first.
